Funky Skin Rashes and Ancient Languages

Funky Skin Rashes and Ancient Languages

I think I did upload it, or at least I did do other pics like when I had a purple toe and black eye.

While in Japan I got some funky skin rashes. It’s called athlete’s foot in English, but in Japan they called it “mizu mushi”, which basically means water bug / insect. WTF? I have a water bug in my skin. Then I looked it up and the other word in English is ringworm. I guess the Japanese word is true. Its basically bacteria on the skin that starts doing the funky chicken or perhaps  in our case the funky worm.

I wasn’t sure how I got it, but I was rolling around doing judo groundwork with a lot of questionable people. I hoped it was from me wearing sweaty socks all the time including in winter, where I wore 3 pairs at once to stay warm.

According to Wikipedia athlete’s foot is a fungus and will grow more rapidly in the following conditions
1) Crowded or Humid conditions. That's me!
2) Sweat excessively. That's me!
3) Participate in close sports like wrestling and soccer. That's me!
4) Wear tight constrictive clothing with poor aeration. That's me!
5) Have a weakened immune system. Hope not!

I think I met 4 of the 5 best conditions for it to grow. Number 5 nope, at least I hope anyways.

Summer seemed to be the worst though, that damn humidity never lets up. I saw all the teachers wore socks inside, but sometimes I was so sweaty, I took them off. I’m sure they were horrified.
But what else is new? I did wear underwear (despite what you may have heard through the rumour mill).

I finally decided it was getting progressively worse so I went to the doctor. The Japanese doctor looked at it and said you need to go to the skin doctor.
So, off on my jolly way I went.
It was my first time to a skin doctor. I had never been to one in Canada either so I wasn’t sure what to expect.
I envisioned a room full of people with goiters on their necks (big huge weird balls of skin).
When I arrived I found a room full of people waiting. It had a very “countryside” feel to it.
A girl looked at me, “Mama there is a gaijin (foreigner) here”. I contemplated responding “Ya and I understand you.” But, alas I decided against it.
My name was called from the front “Mr.Gaijin”. I was like ummm that’s not really my name but OK. I entered the room where a chipper older Japanese doctor sat. He had a big smile on his face, like he was happy to see me.
“Konnichi wa Mr.Gaijin. Do you understand Japanese?” he pondered. “Well, yes a little”, I answered. He looked even more happy. “You are the first gaijin to my office. I am happy to meet you. Are you American?”. “No”, I answered. “Oh, where are you from, perhaps a Brit?”. “Ahem, no, I’m Canadian”. He seemed to think about that for a minute like it didn’t register. Finally “Good. That’s good, let’s have a look at your hairy gorilla like skin”. No! He didn’t say that, but I think it would have been funny if he had.
He started inspecting my skin with a magnifying glass. He then grabbed a knife and my foot and locked it between his legs. I had a feeling he was about to filet my toes. Instead he grabbed my foot and scrapped a bunch of skin from my foot. It was pretty painful, but I tried to keep my mouth shut..
He took the skin fragments and looked at them with his high powered microscope.
“Ah HA!” he yelled. “Just as I expected, its Tinea pedis”. I was like “Sorry, what? Tina who?”. As far as I recall I don’t remembering doing judo with anyone named Tina. He seemed surprised I didn’t understand and handed me a book of skin conditions, it had Japanese on one side and some weird language on the other. He pointed to it, “Here it's written in English”. I was like ummmm….. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it sure wasn’t English, maybe Polish or Russian I thought. After a minute I realized it must be Latin cause it had roots of things that never made sense to me like “magnus” “corporis” , “malus”, “Ginormous”. That last one I added in myself, I was just trying to go with the flow. In-case you didn’t know ginormous was recently added into English dictionaries due to its popular usage on the pop culture scene.
I finally told the doctor “Actually its called Latin. English does have some roots in it, but I don’t speak or understand it.”. He looked baffled. “Do you mean you don’t speak your own language?”, he asked. “No, I do. Its just that this is not my language. I mean it did add words and stuff to my language but its not my language”, I answered.
As always I don’t think I did a great job of explaining it to him. He seemed baffled.
Being the smart alleck I am, I thought I would give him a great metaphor. “So you speak Japanese right? Japanese characters came from Chinese, so if someone shows you something in Chinese they might think you speak Chinese, but probably you can’t read it, well to a degree you can, cause the base of the character meaning would be the same”. Blank stare on his face. Then, “ I don’t speak Chinese”, he answered. I didn’t know how to answer him, I had done a piss poor job of explaining it to him, what else is new.
He started writing something down and told me I would need to take oral medicine five times a day. That’s annoying I thought. In Japan they always give low dosages of medicine, and most foreigners find it quite weak. Most books for foreigners coming to Japan recommend bringing your own medicine, half of our medicine is banned though, be careful.
He looked at me and said “If you don’t take care of the tinea pedis it will become tinea cruris”. 
Crap! He definitely did not comprehend I didn’t speak Latin.
I asked him to write the words down so I could perhaps look through a Latin dictionary later (if I could find one, maybe in the Vatican?) to decipher his dead archaic language.

I looked up the word later, it said it meant jock itch.
NO THANKS I'LL PASS!

I started bathing my feet in vinegar everyday cause I read on the internet, it helps cure it.
My girlfriend commented a few times it smelled like “sushi rice”. Ha!
I don't think anyone wants to eat rice that has touched my feet.

If I ever go to a make your own wine place, I'm not drinking the wine I crush with my bare-feet.

Let's see. Doesn't look that hard to understand. Latin is the same as English right?

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Farewell Party and Speech Bomb

Farewell Party and Speech bomb

Bonus that I lived the 3 years there.

You know regardless of how bad things are, you probably have a better connection with people you have gone through rough times with. At least that’s what I thought. I felt like I had come a long way during my 3 years in Japan. Most of the kids liked me (not the graduated ones, they still wanted to kill me). I felt like I had changed a few of their lives for the better and even helped them, not only through exposure to foreigners, but of me having a love of them and things about their culture. Not the bad ones though, of course I still distasted them. There was one boy and one girl I felt particularly close with that I felt like I was going to miss the most of all the students. They both tried so hard to talk to me. 
Lastly their personalities were similar to mine. Which means, I should have told them to write half of this blog and told them its homework for me. Oh ya!
On the last day of school I was told to do a speech in mostly English and a little bit of Japanese. I was so nervous and I didn’t know how much emotion I would feel. As an adult I don’t recall ever crying, but for whatever reason I had a bit of sadness inside me. Hard to believe I know, me a true samurai have wimpy feelings.
It finally occurred to me that this was the end, not only of my teaching, ever seeing these kids and teachers again, but also of Japan. I was going home and this was it.
I showed one of my teachers my speech just before I got on stage. They told me I had made an error with a Japanese word. I was fairly sure I hadn’t. "Sayonaraba", is not Japanese she told me.
I said sorry, but this word was introduced to me by the head of the prefecture, and has a stronger nuance then simply sayonara. It denotes a feeling of “If we should meet again one day...”, as opposed to sayonara which does mean goodbye (usually forever). I looked it up in my dictionary to confirm, yes it was there and says a stronger feeling than sayonara. I asked another Japanese teacher, “No, its not Japanese”, she said. I didn’t want to argue with her, since not only did someone tell me its Japanese, my dictionary lists it was Japanese. Look who is the native speaker? Them or me? Ok so its not me, but if someone told me it has a meaning and my dictionary say it has the same meaning, it means 1+1 = 2. 
I was thinking perhaps, its like Shakespeare words, I doth eat thou grapes. Or while it may be some ancient or somewhat unused expression, it is still Japanese, and varies little from sayonara, enough that everyone should understand the point of it.
As I got to my final sentence, I thought I felt a tear in my eye. I breathed deeply and felt my lungs fill with phloem. Yes, I don’t know why, but lots of phloem. "Teachers, Students......" I said. I looked around and saw a lot of grade 6 girls crying, "Sayonaraba!"...silence. Did they understand the last part or they all think I made a mistake and meant sayonara.
No one clapped. Ummm.... shouldn't I get a clap or something? I got the crap beat out of me for 3 years and no clap? That ain't cool.
A girl walked up on stage, it was one of my favorite students Yuki. In English she said “Myles from all of us we thank you for the 3 years you have been at this school, you have helped us and change our lives, thank you”. She came forward as if to hug me, I felt some more tears in my eyes, then she gave me flowers. I wasn’t sure if I should hug her, but I was getting my damn hug regardless if I was supposed to or not.
The next day was my final day at school. During the day I got an email from my co worker, which said something terrible had happened. A student had died. My school went into lockdown. I didn’t really understand what was happening, since it wasn’t at our school but perhaps the school only heard someone had died but not how and were worried for the children. My friend said the girl was bullied a lot and jumped from the 3rd floor.
Not a great day to say the least. To top it off it was my farewell party with the teachers that night. Its never good to have a dark cloud over the day you are being thanked, or you are trying to tell everyone how much you will miss them or try to do a funny speech. I forget sometimes that sarcasm doesn’t work so well in Japan. Big foreshadow here.
After a terrible day at school I went home. I got ready for my dinner and biked my granny bike with the uncool basket on the front for the last time. I arrived at the hotel lobby covered in sweat. Perfect, start this 3 year trip covered with sweat and end it that way too. At least this time I wasn't late (or was I?). That was nice no one offered me a ride on my last day, oh well.
It reminds me of the time I walked in -10 C temperatures on snowy days to school and saw at least 4 teachers drive by who waived to me but didn't offer to pick me up.
I met some of the teachers and waited outside the dining room we were about to eat in. The principal wanted to have a chat with me. Of course after 3 years and always speaking in Japanese, it was interesting for me that now he wanted to speak in English. I could tell he had forgot a lot, so he was nervous. “Myles even though today was a difficult today, don’t let it make tonight not good OK?”. OK I answered!
I had prepared a speech which I thought was absolutely hilarious. I pictured everyone would be hollowing with laughter and what a way to start a day that was so rough for everyone. Here’s how it went.
“I’m not looking forward to going back to Canada as there is someone special waiting for me there. As all of you know, she would like me to take her on a private trip from Victoria to Niagara falls. She thinks its one hour from my house, but she doesn’t get that its 5 days by car. No one laughed. Maybe they didn’t get how funny it was. Ya and she also wants me to take her to Newfoundland! That’s on the other side of Canada. Seriously!? hahahha. No one laughed. This crowd is tough I thought. OK I’ll pull out the big guns. 
These jokes were referring to the old lady that had bad breath and was an assistant English teacher. I wrote a blog post about it before. They were all well aware she kept asking me to tour her around Canada.
The big guns were my last resort, where I thought I would sing to the tune of a song I liked. I was trying to sing but I couldn’t remember the tone because I'm tone deaf. I asked the music teacher could she start it off for me. She does it. I'm like OK I can do it, to the tune of shima uta (Island Song) with the words I translated from Japanese “Island song, like the wind, I’m blowing across the sea, like a bird flying in the sky, I’ll be meeting someone, oh the someone you know on my little island song. Silence. No one got it! Crap! Bomb after bomb tonight, that’s nice. I tried to explain it that the someone was the teacher that had worked at the school who drove everyone nuts. I thought it was funny, but maybe it's rude to insult people who aren’t there or something. Common, let me be funny today, its my farewell. Silence, a few people forced laugh. OK I guess I bombed, hopefully they don’t hate me. Finally they said OK now we are going to do a game where you are a pervert.

So if I like this it means I am a pervert then! Damn!!

I was like WTF? They are like oh ya, its cool. You wear a sash that says “I’m a pervert and you walk around”. I don’t think I get it, who is that funny for. I’m not a pervert, at least I don’t think I am.
Finally they put this pervert sash on me. I started to realize that this was it, this was the last day with these people. Three years battling all these demons kids, but coming out alive was a bonus. I had expected to lose a finger or two. I mean ya, so my neck was permanently damaged (and still is), but at least I didn’t get stabbed (only the threat of).
So there was a group of female teachers standing together and the party was starting to end. The principal whispered to me that while we shouldn't really have a 2nd party due to the tragic event of the day, we still would because it was for me, but only a few select teachers would be invited. I prayed for it not to include that old lady I spoke about in the song.
I decided I better get my farewells in and get my final hugs. I went to some of the female teachers ready to get a hug. One of the female teachers looked at me, “What are you doing?”. That was direct I thought. “Ummmm, hoping for a hug, since this is the last time we meet”, I answered. One of the male teachers patted me on the shoulders, “You are a pervert (hentai)”. I was like WTF? I moved on to the next teacher whose face went a pale colour and she looked upset like I was about to do something terrible to her. As I tried to put my arms around her she brought her arms up into her chest, like she expected me to violate her. I know Japanese don’t touch a lot (especially PDA), but this is a bit crazy I thought. Three years together of all these rough times and I don’t even get a hug, rough. At least I will remember them everyday every moment of my life for the rest of my life. Every-time I breath due to my still broken ribs and cracked neck I thought.

Ouch, that hurts. He is feeling some pain for the rest of his life too.

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My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Supposedly knocking some girl down

I was framed by someone about something I didn't do.
There are two versions of this story, one by me the victim (or as some say the criminal) and a bystander who heard of the events as they happened.
As in an episode in real time on 24.

This seems like a nice temple. It has nothing to do with my story though. Its from the same town that's it.

Myles' Version
I haven't told this story for a while so I actually forget most of the details (semi conveniently?)
Here are the main points.
I was hanging out at a Halloween JET (English Teacher's) party in Omihachiman city. My girlfriend couldn't come cause she had to work. So I'm at this party and I'm having fun and feeling a bit drunk. Unknown to me, a girl , let's call her Danielle (Korean American girl) was there as well. Apparently she was so drunk that she had fallen down. I mean that tends to happen when you are drinking and its pretty standard, unless you break your nose, or get a black eye its usually all good. Although when I was a teenage I remember seeing a girl step into a fire pit and that seemed pretty dumb, luckily I pulled her leg out (yes I'm a part time Superhero) but luckily only parts of her shoe melted. No burnt legs (this time).

It's like Gatorade. No sweat I swear!

Anyways, for some reason or another I'm feeling so drunk (I probably had 1 drink). I decided I need a pocari sweat (sports drink) to cool down. This girl "Danielle" happens to be heading the same way, so we start walking together. Its always a good idea for drunks to go in pairs I thought. We get to 7-11 and enter. Jon's girlfriend (a prominent and somewhat famous guy) is also at the 7-11 but I didn't know her at that time. I only knew she was Jon's girlfriend and seemed nice. We are all inside and we buy drinks and stuff. So her and her friend's are piss drunk and are giggling and laughing. Danielle is pretty badly messed up and is walking all over the place, barely standing up. I knew I was messed up myself but since she was worse than me I knew she was really in trouble. She goes to the bathroom and I'm sitting on the curb in front of 7-11. She keeps passing out, and I'm like "I'm hungry I'm gonna go eat at Yoshi no ya". Yoshi no ya is a super famous restaurant that serves meat on rice and its super delish! She is like OK wait for me. So we start walking and I'm in front. I'm just about to cross the road and I turn around and Danielle is on the ground. I'm like "What are you doing?" and I go over to check if she is sleeping randomly on the cement. Seemed like a weird time to be sleeping since we were walking and all the sudden she falls asleep. I try to inspect her but the pocari sweat must have had real sweat cause it didn't seem to help me with re hydration or get ride of my drunk feeling at all, I still feel out of it. I noticed there is a massive bump on her head and she said she hit her head on the ground. I'm like oh my god there is a really big bump on your head. She is like please don't tell anyone, its so embarrassing I'm not drunk. I'm like ok ok, I won't tell. Then we start walking again and she told me she had hit her tooth and chipped them earlier in the night. I'm like that's so bad. She seems really upset, but I didn't really know her well so I was unsure if I should hug her, piggyback her or tell her everything was going to be ok.
We get into Yoshi no ya and her eyes keep rolling into her head. I look at the bump on her head and she has a huge bump! Like I'm not talking a little zit. I'm talking about a massive bump like an egg protruding from her head.
She keeps leaning over and passing out on the counter, while I enjoyed the tasty gyudon Yoshi no ya style (beef and egg on rice). When she looked up after a few times she said she had a bad headache and the bump looked twice as big. I decided I was too messed up to figure out how to go to the hospital and can't stand up myself. I figured I better call someone. I didn't have Jon's number and he was the SHIGA PA (the head guy for any issues) at the time. So I call my next best thing, Nick! Nick is this Italian American guy that thinks he is African American. He likes to rap and thinks he is gangster. Let me tell you he was not at that time and still is not a gangster. he also happened to be friends with Jon (cause he wants to copy his style I guess).
I call Nick and I'm like "Dude, dude, I'm so drunk, but dude, I think you better get Jon, this chick is messed up. She is hammered and fell".
This is where perhaps the story started. Maybe Nick thought I said I had a hammer and messed her up? Or that she fell because of me dropping a hammer? I'm not sure but I tell Nick to get Jon and come over to Yoshi no ya, cause I think she needs to go to the hospital.
Nick shows up running with Jon and I'm like "Hey guys! I'm messed! Anyways this chick is worse, look at the bump!". So Nick starts laughing and was like "Damn! That's a bad one! It looks so bad". Danielle is like "You told them? I'm not drunk I'm fine". I'm like uhhh I think you need some help. Jon says she better go to the hospital cause it looks so bad. She refuses and bursts out crying then hugs me for support. As to why she did when she was mad at me for telling them I don't know. Women are hard to understand.
So Nick and Jon are like let's go back to the party then. Ya that seems like a good idea, maybe I shouldn't have asked the 2 Stooges for help. This girl is drunk, massive bump, possible brain damage, chipped her tooth and if we go back to the party, maybe she can drink it off.
OK I thought, if they are in their right mind, it must be a good idea. So we walk back and Jon and I are helping Danielle walk and we are practically carrying her, cause she is messed! So we open the door and she starts falling over. She pukes her guts out, then she goes back in the party with us.
I'm enjoying the party and didn't see her again. Then apparently this rumour started that "A Myles guy had knocked some girl down". I don't know if Danielle was so drunk she actually believed it and she blacked out or if Nick has said to Jon out loud that I needed help and Danielle fell, but either way, the rumours started.
Someone comes up to me (I swear I had not meet that guy before) and he said "Did you hear some guy pushed some girl?". I didn't know who they were talking about and I had no idea it was me.
After more drinking and going to the 2nd bar, I passed out. It was a long night after all and I did have 1 drink.
When I woke it was 1st train and I walked back with Mattikus, Brent, and Willus. While on the train Mattikus said "Myles I heard you knocked down Danielle?". I was like WTF? Who told you that, he said everyone was talking about it. Danielle never talked to me after that night for about 6 months. We had basic conversations but nothing too deep. I wonder if she heard from someone that I had knocked her down, or if she had some memory of me asking what she was doing when she was unconscious on the ground.
Either way, I got screwed over by the rumours.




Brendon's Version
This one time Myles pushed a girl over.  On purpose!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Hellwalk and Arrival to Your TV Appearance

Hellwalk and Arrival to Your TV Appearance

Arrival in Otsu, Shiga. Time to go to go to the Ministry of Education!

Arrival at last. Oh by the way its as hot as hell. Enjoy!

After the hell walk (will be posted as a blog entry later) we arrived at the Shiga Ministry of Education Building. It was old and too far from the station. My sweat was dripping down my back as we entered the building. Air conditioning! Yes I thought, but no. To my dismay there was no air conditioning. Apparently it was being renovated. Unlucky! We started to cue for the elevator. One tiny elevator made for 3 Japanese to stand in at one time. That means barely 1 foreigner and even that 1 foreigner with 1 or 2 bags no way! It was too tight was taking forever so I elected to take the stairs. The only problem was it was the same temperature as outside and the lactic acid in my arms had eroded my muscles beyond use. I pulled my bags up as hard as I could up 5 flights of stairs. When we arrived at the top they told us everyone was late and we needed to put our suits on. “Wait!”, I said. “Can I have a shower or something, I’m covered in sweat and smell like man chowder”. They said "No, hurry up and change." Unlucky.
I ran into a room full of sweaty half naked foreigners body types aplenty. We had little tiny guys, big guys, super duper skinny guys and even a girl walked into our room by accident! We asked if they could possibly turn on the air conditioning in the room since we were dying and sweaty. They put a large fan at the entrance of the room. I started to rip my clothes off. I stood in front of the fan wafting my stinky man chowder into the air for all my fellow brethren to enjoy. Finally there seemed to be some sort of cool air coming into some vents at the back of the room. It seemed the air conditioning was working, slowly but surely. I ripped my socks off, tore my boxers off and threw them on the vent. Might as well dry those suckers while I can I thought. I wasn’t sure what to think of the other foreigners, but I heard 3 guys all from England talking in their high level English accents. “Emmm are you from New South Whales? Would you mind some tea and crumpets?”. Actually sorry I can’t remember what exactly they said to one another, but something along those lines, plus I was pretty much naked so I was more concerned with that. I finally took a gander at the Brit with blue eyes and dark hair “Hey what’s up you British bastard?”. He seemed to be taken aback. “Nice to meet you my friend”, he answered. It occurred to me he might now know I’m Canadian so maybe I better explain that. “I’m Canadian”. He said “Ok”. Maybe he didn’t know what that meant. I thought everyone knew, Canada is like India to Britain, the 2nd jewel in the crown. Or maybe not, based on his expression. I thought he’d know the history of my forefathers, how our people came from England to conquer a whole new world and became the best country on the planet. He, and no one else I met seemed to know that. How could they not?
I turned to my right where a really gangly British chap named Mayur. He was this tall guy super thin and a posh accent. He said his name a few times but I wasn’t quite able to pronounce it. I kept saying Mayor and he said no Mayuuuurl. I said "You mean Mayor?". and he’d say "No". Eventually after 5 minutes he said "OK you may call me Mayor", and that’s what I called him. Mayor copied my idea of putting his boxers and socks and shirt on the vents to dry them. My first thought was, this guy is gonna be a good friend. That turned out to be true.

I don't want to post Mayur's face so his shoe will have to do for now. Can you see its gangly?

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

School Introduction. Wecome to the hood!

Welcome to your School


Oh and by the way you may be murdered.  
Wonderful I thought, I've come to the right place.
 

Next after meeting Onizuka sensei (read previous post to understand) was our school introduction. We all had different schools scattered throughout the city.
We were driven by Onizuka sensei to our school. It was located at the base of Shiga’s most famous mountain Mt.Fuji. Actually, it wasn’t Mt.Fuji, but it sure looked like it. It was called Mt.Ibuki. The school didn’t really look like much, a massive field for baseball, soccer and soft tennis. I noticed the field was made of sand. I was wondering where the grass was, I was thinking maybe its summer so its out of season or something. The school seemed kind of old and a typical looking school, white colour with lots of windows.

Not Mt.Fuji but looks like it. Kind of?

When we entered we used some crap jelly plastic sandals (which my foot didn’t even stick half way in) and walked into the staffroom. I guess I expected people to jump at us and be like "Hey welcome to your new home!", but there were barely any teachers in the staff room. We did some half ass-ed introductions then went to see the Principal. Based on the pictures I had received before arriving, I took it that the Principal and vice principal were very strict.Their pictures had shown two stiff faced, non smiling, suit clad men. Even though they say "Don't judge a book by its cover", I was judge, jury and executed based on the pictures.

Being sent to the Principal's Office! Uh oh!

We entered the Principal’s office and were greeted with a smile. My Japanese was rusty and I was really nervous. I knew that its important to make first impressions and I wasn’t sure where to start. The Principal made some small talk in Japanese about where we were from and about our lives. He then asked how we would teach English at the school. WOW! Hard question to start off, that I hadn’t thought about that at all. I figured it would come to me as I started.
The Principal then changed the topic to the history of the school. Although I didn’t understand every word, I did recognize one that stuck out “dowa mondai”. Being an Asian Studies Major (Its nothing to brag about. You end up teaching English in the hood!) I had studied it in University. It occurred to me it was kind of strange I was at this school, since I was sure 99% of the foreigner’s in Japan would have no idea what that meant.
Was it destiny I thought? I saw my new co worker did not understand what that meant and the Principal explained a bit about the word, that it was a people who were segregated in Japan, similar to outcasts (untouchables) in India. I wondered if this was why the school was so far from town and seemed to be the furthest except for one Elementary school. Hell it was at the base of Mt.Fuji (not Fuji, its a just a bad joke) so you know its cold.
I told the Principal that I had studied it. No comment from him. Maybe I was being cocky by telling him I already knew about it. He made what I thought was a joke. “I saw on your interview details that you do Judo”. Then he looked at my co worker, “And that you did Wrestling”. I smiled. I wasn’t sure how cocky I should be about it. I was never that great at Judo but yes I did consider it an important part of my life for a while. I answered that I had done it. He smiled, “You might need it”. I laughed. 
Little did I know it wasn't a joke. Crap!
Had I known what my next 3 years were going to be like, I should have asked for a baton, or possibly a taser. I was about to be introduced to extreme level 12 (or whatever level is bad) riot control. It was like I was in the WWF (not World Wrestling Federation) but World Wildlife Fund and people wanted to take me down. Or is that the World Bank? Whatever, same thing isn’t it?
Both result in pain and riots.
After our little chat in Japanese with the Principal we headed to the staff room. 

Shared desk in the middle of the room isolated.

My co worker an American, who looked like a Chinese guy and I, let’s call him “Lee”, cause that is a stereotypical name and I were shown  our desks. His name isn't "Lee" but to hide his identity from stalkers I'm going call him Lee. Its also Lee, cause Lee can be a Korean name. This rant is going to get longer. He was ethnically half Japanese half Chinese American, but most of his family grew up in Korea so to further complicate things he was also culturally part Korean.
So he looked Chinese, spoke some Japanese and Korean but was American. Confusing!
OK. Now back to the story. I had heard in a Japanese culture class the closer you are to the Vice Principal the more important you are. We were dead center of the room. Each grade 6,7,8 had 2 rows of desks facing each other for each years teachers.
Because my co worker and I had no definite year we were outsiders (which we already were). I looked around us. I stood out like a sore thumb x 2! We were placed at the end of the computer row. Maybe they were trying to separate those that were different and possibly diseased. That’s a good idea. Perhaps I should suggest masks as well. Or get a cage and keep the monkeys inside it. 
Haha, funny? A little, at least for me.
I’m not sure what they feed the kids in Japan now, because she was the size of an elephant only built like a tank, aka large and in charge. Her hair was kind of a orange yellow that looks like a wig after too many bad hair dye jobs. Her face had makeup (the first thing thought that occurred to me was, whoa at 14 years old!). Her muscles were bigger than mine. She walked into the staffroom yelling “Hey Teachers I’m bored, give me some money”. I was like, who is this monkey and who let her out of her cage? She started to yell something I couldn’t understand, must be some dialect words I thought. Then she saw me. She smiled and walked up to me. “Hi foreigner”. Umm hi to you too."You from America?". "No", I answered. She looked at me. "You are hairy". "Thanks." I answered. "Do you have any presents for me?." I was thinking first she insults me then she expects a present? What the deuce man? I went through my bag of stuff. I had brought lots of pennies from Canada. I thought they would be great gifts. 
1) They are shinny! Everyone likes shinny.
2) They are real money and best of all, DIRT CHEAP! 

She had no idea they were worth nothing mwahahah! The first question she asks me “How much is this worth in Japanese yen?”. Crap! I smiled, "Oh, ah, emm, I’m not sure how to convert it with the exchange rate and all”. I hoped she wasn’t smart enough to look it up online.

Since she never asked me about it again I can assume she was about as smart as she looked.

I should have just given her a banana. I doubt she would have even peeled it.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

English Teachers Introduction Mr.Awesome

Prior to arriving in Japan I thought I should watch something in Japanese to refresh my Japanese and learn a few things about Japan. This came in the form of G.T.O. Don’t get this confused with Grand Theft Auto (G.T.A). No, the Japanese TV show I am referring to is Great Teacher Onizuka. It is about a teacher who is a low level gang member who likes to look up girls skirts, smoke, swear and get in all sorts of trouble. Sounds like a good life that any guy would want. The first Chinese character in his name means devil or demon.

First character is demon or devil.

As we entered the room to be introduced formally to the teachers and apparently to the people of Shiga prefecture as this was being taped for TV, I was starting to laugh. Not out of fear of being watched by so many people or as I was being paraded like a money for people to throw peanuts at, but because I swore I was looking at Onizuka himself. All the Japanese teachers followed the same dress-code except one. The men wore their suits with ties all tied the same way, formal black shoes, and suit jackets. Their suite jackets all done up tightly despite the heat and the women wearing their skirts and typical black or grey dress-clothes not revealing any skin (damn!). Actually now that I think of it, it could have been a scene of THE MATRIX with Mr.Smith. There was one person though sitting in the middle of the crowd, who I thought looked like Onizuka. He was darker skinned, had sunglasses on (yes inside), wore a sleeveless shirt, gym shorts and had leather sandals beside his chair (which he wasn’t even wearing. He had bare feet!). The theme song started running in my head. I may have been humming it out loud whoops.
I was thinking it would be funny for whoever got Onizuka, after all he seemed to not want to fit in at all, he was like the opposite of the cultural norm. Japan has a saying “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down”. I was like, whoa this guy is a adamantium nail (the indestructible metal Wolverine's claws are made of out of in case you didn't know).
All of us monkeys sat down on our chairs as we faced our soon to be teachers, as well as city officials, education ministry officials and by way of filming, the people of Shiga. I had the feeling Onizuka was looking at me. I was thinking maybe I’m the best looking among the monkeys? (Unlikely I thought). A few of the monkeys looked like GQ models (damn them and their perfect faces!). Can’t they try to set the bar a bit lower for me!
We were told to introduce ourselves and then the teacher from our school would come forward, introduce themselves as well. After the introductions were over we would go to our schools. I looked beside me. The Chinese looking guy from the train sat beside me. I swear that I saw Onizuka stare at him. I whispered “Hey is he looking at us or just my imagination?”. The Chinese guy answered “No, its not your imagination. He is looking at us.” I was like oh, so I’m not hallucinating (with all that heat and man chowder smell I wasn't sure what was a mirage).
As the line moved closer to us I could feel the sweat dripping through my pits and back of my shirt. Then came our introduction. Onizaka put his sandals on and walked right up to us. “Hey guys you are really lucky, I’m the best English teacher in all of Shiga”. Everyone started laughing. He was like I’m serious, I’m cool.

The car he owned. When his hair was black again.

I thought that was good that he understood slang and wasn’t like the other Japanese English teachers who all seemed like robots, Domo Arigato Mr.Roboto!

Maybe I was lucky to have someone that fit outside the box I thought.

Little did I know the adventures were just about to begin.

Until next time!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

The Scooter and The 3 Idioteers!

Accidents aren't usually funny, unless they involve someone getting hurt and its not me. Well, the accident the other day was a bit of both.

I bought a scooter for about $300 American. Seemed like a good deal, but it has a few holes in it, it has been in an accident or 2 but I thought it seemed OK. As long as the holes aren't in the gas tank, or I’ll be throwing money away. hahahhaha holes in the gas tank, that would be funny. Leaking behind me as I drive, it could be like in a movie I just need someone to light a match on my gas trail. Cool... until I blow up.

Not my exact scooter but similar "puke" green colour.

Well the girl I was buying it from was there, and she said I should drive it once to try it out, so I went around the parking lot as slow as I could, not only to not embarrass myself as I’d never ridden a scooter before, but also cause if there was some problem with it and I didn’t like it I better not damage it.

Later in the day I saw 3 Gaijin English Teachers hanging out. TR, Matt and Nick who asked if they could try it. Sure I thought, what’s the worst that could happen. Let me tell you from experience you should never think that way. Upon taking the scooter out, I turned it on and didn't turn the wheel away from the fence. As I gassed it, I accelerated full speed into the sharp fence and my leg got stuck between the fence and bike. I couldn't remember where the break was and kept accelerating. So I cut my leg, my hands were crunched into the fence and the bike kept going. I see the neighbours behind the fence went inside, possibly because they thought a Gaijin had just been released from the insane asylum. Maybe they were right. I was very embarrassed but laughed it off. They were all laughing too.

Nick asked for a go on it. He grabs it and does it a little turn, then all the sudden he accelerates at full speed and pops the front wheel into the air, it was completely vertical. I was thinking that is so funny, man he must be really good with this thing to feel confident at controlling it like that. Who in their right mind pops a wheelie(if that’s what you young ins call it these days).
Seconds later I realized he wasn't in control. He was heading for a cement wall at full speed. You might imagine a little scooter doesn’t go that fast, but yes, especially while popping a wheelie it can go. He smashed into the wall and the front tire crashed into the window of our apartment building. I was sure it broke/cracked. My bike crashed and fell down and the sound of many things shattering echoed in the parking lot. The other 2 were laughing except me and Nick. As I looked around at the chaos I noticed for the first time a 12 pack of beer on the ground. I guess they were all drunk, but I hadn’t picked up on it. I guess I don’t pay attention to detail (must be why my girlfriend always says I have Attention Deficit Disorder).
Nick got up and his hands were all crushed from the bike. I was thinking looks like he will have a lot of bruises. I saw him a week later and his hands were purple and blue. Oh well, serves him right, he broke my bike. Karma is a b#*@h.
The rear tail light was completely shattered on my bike. Likewise, the fender cracked off. I don't know what else except for paint chips, random pieces of metal all over the ground (where did all the metal come from? Probably not that important, just the screws holding my scooter together). He probably just added a few more holes as well, hopefully not in the gas tank. I was thinking it was my chance to just spray paint it a new colour as the puke green looked bad anyways.

Our building. Just behind the tan car he hit the window.

Nick didn’t want to seem less manly so he didn’t really say much about it.
A week later he told me he would give me about $20 bucks for the repairs.
I got a new tail light that cost $30, the chipped paint I didn’t do anything about. I decided it added character. As for Nick, well he didn’t give me the $20. He never really lived up to any of his promises, except for inserting me into one of his rap songs, where he made me yell about AK47’s, Glocks, and M16’s. I don’t even know what those are. 

Not Nick, but someone that looked like him.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva