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Monday, March 31, 2014

Love Hotels and CHRISTmas!

Love HOTELS and Christmas!

Never a good time like good old Christmas to make a little love.
Emphasis is not on the Christ I guess. Ha.

You see in Japan, Christmas isn't the same as back home, its a time to make jolly but only between two people. Insert some 70's porn music here.

Yes…..exactly.

Santa has been stuffing chimney's. The chimney is a bit dirty at this place.


The chimney is stuffed ”per se”.
I’ll go as far as to say the lights will be “turned on”.
Everyone is getting a present.

You never know, you might even lick a candy cane.

There is a whole business in Japan where love hotels that cater to every fantasy exist.
I don’t even want to hear about animals or imagine it. Although I suspect there is even a hotel where you can make Rudolph's nose red if you are into weird Christmas themed stuff.

Someone once told me they saw a Titanic hotel in Tokyo. If you like, you can take your lady (or man) to the deck and throw them off. I mean put your arms around them and tell them sweet nothings about what you want for Christmas (since you are there for only one thing, you know its a tangible gift).
These love hotels can be used anytime of year, but are particularly popular on Dec 25th when all younger couples get down and dirty.
Let's say the snow really falls during that time. Shibang!


I decided I had to try a love hotel just for the experience. I guess if I was looking to learn everything I should have gone with someone who understood what was happening, but instead I went with my non Japanese speaking wife.

We decided to have our friend lead us to her favourite love hotel. She mentioned that this one had a free cake included with the room which you can help yourself too. Free food! How can you go wrong?

We arrived at our love hotel which was Santa arching his hips in a sexual way.


We walked up to the door.
There were pictures of the rooms. There were some shaded with a Kanji (Chinese character). It said occupied but at that time I couldn't read it.

I went up to the little window which had a curtain pulled across it.
“Hi, uhmmm do you take traveller’s cheques?”, I asked.
The curtain was pulled down across the window which felt like I was talking to a wall. I guess they aren’t supposed to know who you are and if you are with with someone else's wife. Nice. A courtesy which most would appreciate.
I tried to pull the curtain down, which the lady held back in place and said she can’t see me.
I said I wanted to see her.

I mentioned that I was a foreigner and its easier if I can open the curtain. I couldn't think of a valid reason as to why that would help in any way, so I told her I read lips well and I was deaf.
Stupid I thought. But now I realize quite funny actually! And might I add ridiculous?

Ha! As Tigger would say RIDIKULOUS.


She opened the curtain. I asked her to help me chose a room.
“You pick and go to the room:”, she explained.

I pressed one and went up. There were directions in Japanese that was supposed to lead me to the room but my Japanese was terrible (at that time. Although some might argue now still). I tried to open a few occupied doors (I hope no one under-age inside, or the older person just had a heart attack).
Finally I found a door that seemed to be glowing as if to open it.
Once we went in there was Nintendo and a slot machine, I knew I came to the right place!
After we were done (sorry no details,that's called privacy. And yes of age.). Let’s go with another Christmas theme and just say "the stockings were filled", if you catch my drift.. I exited the room. I guess it went by the hour and we had gone over by a few minutes. Whoops.
The machine showed 50000 yen. I thought it meant due and I realized we were going to be in trouble, that was 500 dollars. I didn't know what to do so I ran back in the phone and told the helping lady it was the traveller’s cheques guy again and the machine didn't take traveller’s cheques. She came up and bowed and pretended to cover her eyes. At this point after we had become so chummy I'm not sure why she wanted to continue to play this game.
We paid the $30 and left.
I asked my friend what was with the 50000 yen. He said probably its like a full 24 hour rental or something. I said oh.

I told him thank god it wasn't my total, the lady didn't seem to be down with traveller’s cheques.

HA!

Or LOVE HOTELS? I won't sign my name so you won't know who I am though.


Saturday, March 1, 2014

Nerds Get the Hottest Girls!

What is this possible? Do we live in opposite world in 
Japan?
How can all the nerds get the hottest Japanese girls? 


That's easy, because they are seen as "cool".


The power of the nerd.

Its true, nerds get the hottest Japanese Girls.


If you are an average guy you probably find Japanese girls attractive. Or perhaps I should say, find any girls attractive. There seems to be an overlaying fetish for Western guys to be into Japanese girls.
There are many reasons why this could be, but I'm no psychologist (although I give advice like I' am one) so I'm not interested in dissecting it. I might be a psychic, or psychotic depending on who you ask as a side-note.
Instead, I want to tell you that even if you are a hardcore nerd, you can get a hot Japanese girl. Yes that’s right. Don’t shoot for the moon though, you don't need to. its likely the moon will come to you.
I sound like an infomercial.


In Canada and the U.S. if you are a nerd, you probably will slip by life looking at the hot girls, but be too afraid to talk to them. Or get passed over for one of the jocks. Such is life. It throws a lot of curve-balls.
You can say that again. Not that I've been in any closets (that I'll admit).

On the other hand, I have some good news for you there is always Japan. Even if you aren't cool, a language barrier separates you and your new opportunity from knowing you are a nerd.
The less you talk, or better yet, the more miscommunication you have, the better chance you have at getting a beautiful girlfriend. I've seen it time and time again.
To the hot Japanese girls, you are just a Gaijin "foreigner" so they don’t see nerd, they just see a foreigner. Lucky you! On top of that, all the awkwardness of the nerdy things you say, won’t be understood and since you use English they will think its cool. Double score.
Why not tell them the square root of pi to 8 decimal places? They might think its the coolest thing, and assume you are talking about how much money you make. At least you can hope.
By the way the square root of pi is 1.77245385 if you are interested in using it, I didn't calculate it myself as I am no mathmagician, and this in itself proves I am not a real nerd (although truth be known I enjoy Star Trek and I own a Klingon Dictionary). 
I'm not going to list names, but I assure you this is 100% true. Many a time I have seen the hottest Japanese girl, with the nerdiest dudes ever. I'm embarrassed to make eye contact, how could they do it? I thought more than once, perhaps I should inform the girl that her boyfriend was a nerd and could never get a girlfriend back home at least not above a 5 out of 10. I was actually surprised when I saw nerds that didn't have hot Japanese girlfriends. Perhaps they didn't know they had a magic power of illusion (or more like power of delusion).
I met one guy (no name mentioned) who was the perfect description of a nerd I can think of.
After going on and on about how he loved dungeons and dragons, anime and porn, he ended up with a girl that physically and mentally abused him. And guess what she was American.
He should have switched the tables and gone with the Japanese girl so he could be the one in power (or at least feel like he was).
I should mention that Japanese girls are very smart and you would be lucky to be married to one, as a final comment I should tell you most are highly intelligent and while you think you won the argument or got your way, they somehow end up with what they wanted in the first place.
At least you don't get yelled at.

One second, my wife is yelling at me to clean the dishes. What else is new.


hahahah oh ya!!!
Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Feces At Karaoke

Feces at Karaoke

I may have mentioned before I was a student in Japan before being an English teacher.
I was on a program with students from all over the world, with different personalities. Some good, some not so good (mine’s good though).

Ha, I like.



One time we had a school trip to Shikoku Island (the kind of small one South of Kansai (Western Japan).
The students at a local University were hosting us and letting us stay at their place.
They all lived by themselves in super small apartments. For some reason or other my host didn’t have a proper heater and it was super cold. I tried wearing my socks, but someone told me its bad for circulation, so I took them off. That was all that came off that night, I wish I had a female host.
While sleeping my feet started to get warm and I started to giggle a few times as if someone was tickling the bottom of my feet. In the morning the Hawaiian guy who was sleeping with his head at my feet, was like “How was your sleep sweetheart? Mine would have been nice if you didn't keep sticking your stinky toes in my mouth. I tried to swat them away and I heard you laughing like a little girl”.  Sounded about right.
On the plus side I no longer needed a shower as his mouth and tongue had cleaned (cleansed) the sweat from my feet (as well as the lint). Bonus!

On our second night we went to a restaurant that was all you can drink. I imagine the restaurant had never seen such big foreigners ready to stir up some shi%t. It would have been fine if only the people who can handle their alcohol drank, but some of the nerdy types took it upon themselves to feel like they were a member of the in crew and couldn't handle their liquor (not me though for once).
We continued at karaoke and everyone kept drinking. I was doing pretty well and having a merry old time. When one of the guys threw up, one guy (a bigger American named Matt) helped him to the bathroom.
That drunk individual apparently decided it was a good time to go to the bathroom (no not a number one) while barely able to stand. Thirty minutes passed and he didn't come out.
The bigger guy who helped him went back to check on him. He jumped over the stall (yes not under). He found the individual slumped over passed out. He helped him stand up and asked another American guy to help carry him out. They both told me later they thought they smelled manure (feces). And continued to take him out.
Most people were thinking this guy was in bad shape and should be cut off his alcohol.
The smell of manure entered my nose from across the room. A poignant (big word for powerful) smell.

That's what the pit toilet probably said to him. No face though.


The individual started blabbering about aliens so I knew it was time to take him home. As he walked he was pushing things over, barely able to stand. Finally was we were walking down an alley he walked into a big karaoke sign (with flashing lights on it). The lights broke and the damage seemed extensive (oh shiz. I considered running). One of the Japanese students entered the karaoke place and told them the sign was broken. $750 to buy a new one they said. I was not aware until after the trip that the Japanese students went ahead and paid (brutal but very thoughtful). I think we should have blamed it on someone else myself. Something along the lines of “I saw an alien down the road that did it!”. This alludes to the fact the drunk guy mentioned aliens if you forgot that part already. If I have to explain it here its probably not as funny. If you are as astute as Sherlock Holmes you probably remember.
As we were walking the individual brushed by me, another American told me “Dude I think I see fecal stains on his clothes, watch out and don’t touch his clothes”. I looked.
I now understood where the smell had come from. He must have gone on the floor then fell into it. When the two guys helped him they were probably getting covered with it.
The next day we were sitting on the bus and everyone was complaining it smelt like feces.
I don’t know if the individual forgot or had no other clothes, but he had not changed. I pitied his girlfriend sitting beside him. In addition to him smelling, he had a hangover and could throw up on her at anytime. Been there done that, never good. Not the feces part though.
As we got off the bus, there was a bottle neck and I got pushed from behind (maybe on purpose, if yes then F you). As I was about to hit the individual and get dried feces enter my mouth the same guy who stopped me yesterday grabbed me and pulled me back.
He said “Dude you have to be more careful, I saved you again, do you have a death wish and want to be covered with crap?”.
Good question Watson (another Sherlock Holmes joke). I think not!
I later heard someone on the bus ask him what cologne he was wearing and then another guy responded, “Must be a real crap one”.
Ha! People are mean, but highly entertaining.

I bet he wishes it was a dream. Oh wait, he'd still do it.


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva


Monday, December 23, 2013

Tentacles and Testicles yum!

 Tentacles and Testicles yum!


A lot of Japanese think Gaijin are weird. And let’s face it, they aren’t wrong.
If you’ve lived in Japan, you would probably agree that they are more than a few messed up gaijin. By a few, I mean like as in almost all. Very few normal. Most are off their rocker.
They aren't just weird to the people of Japan.They are weird to me too. I wouldn't be caught dead being friends with a lot of them. This is the story of one of those types of individuals.


For some reason Japan is like a magnet for weird Gaijin (foreigners).
They are attracted to Japan like slugs are to beer (only faster! And that’s a useful tip about slugs should you be having problems with them in your garden).


So why do the weirdos conjugate in Japan?
That’s a question that’s hard to answer. but I think it has to do with a wide variety of fetishes.
In my case the apple didn’t fall from the tree.
I thought I was a samurai and could carry a sword around and occasionally fight ninja. To my dismay, neither exist anymore (total bummer). I did carry a broom stick around and pretended it was a sword a few times.
On the other side of the spectrum (or street), you will find people who have a fetish for anything, Be it manga, anime, cosplay, videos games, Japanese girls, tea, martial arts. Whatever floats your boat as they say.  
Japan has something to offer every nerd, weirdo or nut.


I remember about a guy who was sitting with a bunch of girls at a bar (my wife with him. She’s not Japanese by the way). While the girls were in mid talk he said “Does anyone like tentacle porn?”. I can’t imagine someone with a correctly functioning brain saying that. He must have had a few screws loose. I guess he already wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
I thought common sense dictates you don’t ask a girl if they like porn. Chances are they don’t. And even if they do they aren't going to tell you. And tentacles? Common dude. Why would a girl like tentacles.
Not the kind of stuff I'm into, but other people are.



As for tentacle porn you would have to be pretty mentally sick to be into that (I wasn't. For once I wasn't into something demented). I had to look it up and I wasn't really sure what it meant, but after reading about it, its worse than I could have imagined.
Its just tentacles and porn. And by tentacles I mean like octopus tentacles and just the tentacles in sexual acts, seriously its twisted, more twisted than a pretzel (lame joke I know)..
And this gruesome question asked to five lovely ladies. Pfffft!!!
I guess the tentacles were the fetish that attracted him to Japan.
I knew he was pretty messed up but I can’t blame him a lot of people were. I knew some dudes who were playing Warhammer 2909 and dungeons and dragons in their closets. Not cool.


Sadly I went down this road and am scared for life.

On a side-note which has nothing to do with this story except the word octopus tentacles.
I was at a restaurant one time and they had a menu with limited English. All seemed well until I came to tako wasa, octopus tentacles which was translated as octopus testicles.
I wasn't sure I wanted to test it incase the English translation was correct.
I ate it anyways. It tasted what I imagined testicles to taste like.
A rubbery texture like skin and takes a lot of chewing.  
Gross.


Is this what your children are playing with? Better than eating them raw.


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva



Sunday, December 15, 2013

Driver's License for Rejects

Driver's License for Rejects Please

I always do stupid things, I can't seem to learn. Like her!

In this case the story is about me. I wasn't sure if I should just Driver's License for idiots, or something a little less politically correct, or maybe even say for special needs to be more polite.

In this case who is the special needs? Well, surprise! Its me.

Why?

I always think I'm really smart, but in reality I'm not (as you may know from previous blog posts). This is reinforced to me whenever I do something stupid. My wife reiterates to me it was very stupid and why it was stupid in hopes that I can learn not to do it again. She hopes, but I don't.

After half a year in Japan my co-worker and I (an American who lived in the same building complex) decided to buy a car.
We were biking everyday to school and it just wasn't working.
Don't get me wrong, as I've mentioned in previous posts, while Granny bikes with baskets with no gears aren't cool, they are definitely convenient. You can put groceries in the basket and feel like you are the Wicket Witch of the West (my pretties!).

The problem was the weather. We could never catch a break. It was either too cold or too hot and we always ended up at school last minute or usually late (not due to any fault on  my behalf I might add).

In the summer I'd get to school panting like a dog. My shirt literally dripping with sweat. Let me tell you my body hair definitely did not help the matter. I'm like a freaking monkey. Its not hard to see lack of evolution on my body, perhaps I didn't evolve and that's the problem.

In Winter I'd bundle layer and layer of clothes to try to retain some standard of warm within my soul. I'd be freezing when I came to work and have to slowly move my joints near a heater to move again. And those heaters are full of kerosene so they stink and probably cause brain damage (I felt that was a good reason for my brain damage).

And hence, we decided to buy a car. In this case, we decided to split the cost of a K-Car (or Kei car light car). A mini car that is good on gas and easy to drive (for any idiot). Remember that in Japan the steering wheel and roads are opposite to North America. That didn't go well the first few drives.

Since my co-worker was American his International Permit was only valid for one year and mine as well. Our only hope was for me to get a Japanese Driver's license. You see Canada is lucky in the fact we have a driving treaty with Japan. If you show your Canadian valid license you just need to pass a few minor tests and you get one.
In the case of American, Australians etc, you need to do the whole thing. Go through tedious driving tests much stricter than at home.

So I thought..... let's do it.

I went to the license centre in a nearby town.
"OK, do you speak Japanese?", he asked.
"Yes, a little", I humbly replied.

"Fill out this questionnaire and then give it back", he said.

I looked at the questionnaire.
1). How many CC's was the car you drove on your test day?
I don't even know what CC's mean. Canadian Club and Coke?
2). What was the make and model you drove on your test day?
No clue, it was from the driving school.
3). What was the season you drove your car in during your test?
I thought I could calculate that by the date the license was issued. "Fall kind of", I wrote.
4). What was the tire on the vehicle?
Again, no clue. Round and made of rubber.
5). Was the gas tank full when you drove?
I don't know why its relevant unless they ask you to simulate an emergency with bullets shooting in the gas tank. Again no clue. It was empty, the driving test couldn't proceed and they passed me. Not funny maybe.

The other questions were mundane (ya cool word for a simple guy).

As I finished the remaining questions he told me its time for an eye test.

He explained to me very slowly what I was to look for like I was an idiot. The best part I am.

"So picture one what do you see?", he asked.
"A letter C", I answered.

He was silent.
"There is no letter C on this test, what do you see?", he asked again.
"A yellow C", I answered.

"No you don't", he said.

But I did.

He changed his description of what I was supposed to do, the space where is it, which I kept describing as C cause that seemed most logical to me (am I Spock?).
"OK must be a language issue. The space, where is the space on the character?" (I wish he added in "you stupid foreigner").
"Its a C facing up", I told him.
"Now a C facing down", I told him.

He sighed a few times, gave up explaining, and told me I passed.
He thought there was a language barrier, but little did he know I was just a reject (idiot).

It occurred to me in Canada, our eye exams include a letter board full of the English alphabet, some big some small, they ask you to read out the letter they point at.

More smaller letters than this. Lean forward to cheat.


In Japan, I think the point was it was supposed to be a small circle with a small missing out of it, to me a letter C. The point being that you specify which part of the circle is missing, in my case saying the direction of the C.

Ya Luke Skywalker, you rebel scum.


In the end it didn't prevent my co-worker from driving without a license.
I'd often come out looking for the car to pick my wife up from the train station late at night and the car was gone.
A few times I thought it was stolen but he told me he took out for dinner. I was astonished as he had no license.
I shouldn't have bothered with the test and made him drive everyday.
In the end the car started to fall apart, I didn't need to press the gas peddle and it would go on its own.
We didn't want to waste money on repairs so we paid to have it scrapped. I suggested it was a waste of money and we should just drive it off a cliff or into the lake (ideally not whilst inside, although it could be fun).

He told me that was bad thing to do, which I reminded him he was driving around illegally without a driver's license which is not really much different.

Ha?



Oh boy! A true idiot.
Other funny stories from this blog
 http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/


My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Free Meals Have a Catch


Free meals have a catch

Sometimes bigger than others


I think I've come to the right place!

When my girlfriend told me one of her students owned a sushi restaurant and invited us to come for dinner I was excited.
Little did I know what I was in for.
I thought perhaps, she’d give us a few pieces of few sushi or sashimi for free, but once we arrived her husband (the chef), had prepared a feast for us. How could I say no? Maybe I should have. There's always a catch isn't there?
It started off with crab brain, which is not really my style, but thanks (in this case I hoped you are what you eat became true. Smart as a .....crab?). Salmon, tuna, crab, and then…… I noticed my shrimp was twitching. Perhaps it’s a reaction to the soy sauce I thought; it’s rather salty after all. Didn’t I learn that in my molecular biology class (that’s a joke. I’m an idiot and didn’t take that).
But it seemed like my food was still alive. I had never heard of that before, but different strokes for different folks as the saying says. I wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed like my shrimp was dancing on the plate and about to jump off.
I then saw a fish head that seemed to be talking to me, “Don’t eat me, I’m still alive”. It didn’t say that but I hallucinated it did. Maybe I inhaled too much soy sauce or my dream came true that my brain was transforming into mushy crab brain.
I looked again at the shrimp. I wasn’t sure what to do. The head was on and the tail but the middle part of the shell had been removed. I reached forward. I was a little hesitant to have a live shrimp bouncing around my innards so I grabbed the head and was about to twist it off. “Don’t waste it!”, said the sushi chef angrily. "Ummm…. dude it’s like alive", I thought about saying.


I thought the chef might be crazy mad. I wasn't sure if I could ask him to redo it, so its not alive.

He looked at me like I was some sort of monster, wasting the Holy Grail. In reality I was thinking he was the monster, keeping animals alive whilst eating them. It could been worse and been dog I guess (which I think I might have almost eaten in Korea. Not alive though).
I removed the shell off the tail as it jerked around in my mouth. Yum, tastes like parasites I thought. Perhaps I should have added more salty soy sauce to clean it. The chef seemed to be watching my reaction. 
“Dancing Shrimp”, he told me. Oh……aaah… great?
I was thinking more like “Soon to be thrown up shrimp”. You see raw shrimp tastes like licking a toe, not that I’ve ever done that (or at least consciously that I can remember). I think my brain is turning into crab brain.
After dinner they asked what I thought, “absolutely delicious”, I lied through my teeth.
Would you like to come again sometime they asked?
Absolutely NOT I was thinking. 

“Of course!”, I answered with a sigh.

Perhaps I should have just gone with "I found out I'm allergic to shrimp".

If you are interested here is my live shrimp video. Click below. Its 9 seconds of your life wasted.
Incidentally, (I like that word, makes me feel smart) I uploaded it and it become a viral video on youtube.
If you read through the comments they are rather rude but some are funny. I didn't enjoy the ones where the odd person told me they planned to skin me alive and eat me (aside from the pain it sounds perverted).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgPE-o4n3dk


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Yoga on The Sun, Sorta

As we arrived in Japan the weather hit me like a session of hot yoga. The heat at 40 C (I don’t know that in Fahrenheit for our American friends but its about as hot as the sun). Like yoga you sweating in the heat and your body is in weird positions. In  Japan, you fit yourself into packed trains, buses, and shove your bags into any crevices available. And sweat like butter melting in a frying pan.
After the initial arrival at the airport, we all crammed into a bus like sardines in a can (does anyone enjoy my numerous similes? Cause I do). That's a big word look it up.

"Nothing to see here, we can put a few more on. Find a spot folks."


If their intention was to wow and woo us with their incredible hotel & amazing views, they did a stellar job. I was bedazzled (like Brendan Frazier in the movie Bedazzled). The only thing that would have been nicer would be air conditioning between the bus and the hotel so I didn't keep sweating.


Who knew the devil looked this good. Hot! Like yoga ;-)


I knew there were many personalities in the types of gaijin (foreigner) about to embark to the land of the rising sun (that’s supposed to be poetic and it means Japan if you didn't know). I just didn't know what kind of personalities I would run into.
When I came from Canada I had been lucky enough that I had some friends from my University going to Japan on the same program. I guess I hit oil cause I was double lucky. My initials matched one of my friend’s. The seats were picked according to alphabetical order. So I got to sit with him.
There is a reason I'm telling you this, don’t worry, just keep rolling with it.
Once at the hotel, it happened the rooms were also chosen by country and alphabetical order, so again my friend was in my room. I thought it was going to be awesome until I realized there were 2 beds and a roll-away bed (cot), but only two of us. “Hells no!” I'm not taking the roll-away. It will damage my spine and hip alignment (although in all fairness I had not yet cracked my ribs and spine so I may have been OK). 
I jumped in one bed and threw all my stuff on it wiith my shoes on (ha!), I'm a jerk as you know. They didn't have dog pooh on them (this time mwahahahaa evil laugh).
One minute later a gigantic dude walked into the room, sweating worse than me. By gigantic I mean, like an Ogre from Lord of the Rings. The body odour was the worst I've ever experienced (rather like an Ogre’s actually). I considered throwing up into my hands then smelling it, in hopes it might smell better. Purify his putrid stench (more poetry terms being used).
We received a large package of training events. It said something along the lines of mandatory attendance please join eight out of ten events.
I didn't think it should be trouble for me as I had lived in Japan before. As for the other people, they were like a fish out of a pond (I seriously love these similes, I might write a book about them).
My friend in my room informed me he would probably sleep due to jet-lag and lots of drinking on the plane so he was skipping the events (he said ideally for the whole 3 days).
After one day of easy “you will have the worst culture shock ever course” I went to the free lunch. I love free everything as you know. Its the bane of my existence. I headed to lunch, but none of my friends were around (sleeping or drinking perhaps) and I didn't have anyone to sit with. I was the uncool kid wanting to sit with the cool kids. I saw one table with people full of smiles (Canadians maybe!?). I headed to the table. I couldn't guess where they were from by looking, but as soon as the Southern drawl (accent) from Texas came out, I knew where two of them were from.
Our main course came out which happened to be Japanese curry and rice. If you don’t know what it is, it’s basically Indian curry, but not strong and no spicy flavour to it.
“I don’t wanna be eating this mud. I thought those Japanese eat sushi”, she said. Oh lord, she is in for a surprise I snickered. ‘I expected the Samurai’s to greet us and all ya’ll”, she said. She said that with a straight face I might add.
I almost spat my curry out, is this girl for real? It was delicious and I didn't want to waste it. Who says that, and why did she say? Sounded a bit riceist to me (that's a lame joke, sorry. Curry and rice so go with it).
On top of that I had never heard anyone used both all and ya’ll in combination. Sounded abnormal. I know I was about to be an English teacher and my English sucks, but look at her.
I shut my mouth and ate my curry while enjoying the show. Everyone introduced themselves and one of the “all ya’ll” Texas girls stated she had never been out of Texas and this was her first visit internationally. Someone piped up even Canada? (A Canadian like myself no doubt) and she stated no not even there.
I didn't see her again although I heard through the grapevine later (through another Texan) that she made it for two months then went back to Texas. Ouch!
I should have known, if she expects Samurai and only sushi 24/7 she came to the wrong place.
As for my friend, he didn't attend any courses and he asked me to write down his name on some of the attendance sheets so it appeared he was there. Smart guy.
He started to go out drinking at nights and he ended up getting stuck with the roll-away. I pitied his hips and spine alignment.
I thought it was funny, so the last night when he came back from drinking I took what I thought were empty beer bottles and surround him with them while he was sleeping. It was hilarious and I took pictures.
But it turns out a few of them had beer in them though, so he got covered in beer and so did his bed.
He probably thought he peed himself and I didn't tell him the truth.
Ha! I enjoyed thoroughly.

As a bonus his beer pee smell counter attacked the sweaty ogre's smell.

If you see this dude in your room, hold your breath. Or get someone to pee on their bed to mask the flavour and scent.



Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

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