Wake up time to fight!

Are you passed out?
Wake up its time to fight.

Ask this guy, not me. I'm passive.

So I've always been a very passive person, I've never been in any fights except when I was a kid the odd bully here and there, but no street fights or anything.

I was invited by a "group" to go on a road trip to Osaka. I thought its a great time to bond with them so why not, they aren't the rowdy type and what good times will await. With my luck, usually not good ones.
We rented a bus and the bus was full of males and females, all Japanese except me. It was semi like a party bus we have in North America and you can drink on it.
I don't want to mention any names or get anyone in trouble so I'll say "this group".
Whilst (that's British for while) on the bus I sat in the back enjoying my girly drink, yes because I am the opposite of tough and have an allergy to beer I drank fizzy pop like drinks. Get over it.
A few of the rather burly tough men came to talk to me. Surprise (in) Osaka, do you like gay?
I wasn't sure where they were going with it, cause they said it in English. I also wasn't sure if they are asking me my sexual orientation. So I answered, No I'm not gay, but I don't mind what sexual orientation you are if you are something else.
I think that was too deep an answer for them. I repeated I'm not, but OK if you are.

They laughed.

We got to Osaka. The women went their way and the men another.
I should have joined the women. After all I don't even drink beer.

I was led to a seedier part of Osaka. By seedy I mean, clubs, bars, other stuff.

The "other stuff" is where we were going.

We sat down at a table with a bunch of us (like 9 maybe?).
There seemed to be a hostess at each table and its was a large room with a stage.

The women seemed rather thin, with a lot of make-up. By a lot, I mean tons. If a girl wears too much make-up they have something to hide. Trust me that's a life lesson to be learned.
If a girl looks good naturally, then add a little make-up and that will accentuate that. If she cakes it on like there is something is amiss.

The hostess gave me a hug and was surprised I spoke Japanese. She sat beside me, and I kept thinking wow, that's a lot of make-up. What's she hiding?

There was a younger looking girl (20's) sitting at a table beside us who kept glancing over at our table. I wasn't sure why but she wasn't giving me the eye, she was giving it to the head person of our group. By head person I mean the most senior, aka the big chief. He seemed to take notice.
After a while, the show started. And all the hostesses went on stage. What I saw I should not repeat, but let's just saw I was in shock and not in a good way.
We had come to a transvestite bar. I heard one of the people from my group yell "Ya you like, its NEW HALF". I wasn't sure for about one minute new half meant, but when they removed their clothes I understood, some things were there on some people. And not on others.
Oh boy! In this case I'm not sure "Oh boy" is the expression I should use.
More like Oh a little bit boy a little bit girl.

The show continued, and I seemed to be only one of three people not enjoying the show. The other was the young girl and our chief. She sat at our table and seemed to be playing footsie then holding his hand.
Uh oh I thought. Not good. Some sh%t is gonna hit the fan.

The show ended and we took pictures. Seems dumb I would do that, now I'm probably on the bar's wall for the rest of my life and they say "we had a foreigner here and he loved it, here's his name and number."

They didn't look like this, or maybe I would have known. Or maybe not.

People started filling out of the bar.
I had started to drink my vodka quite heavily due to the fact I was not enjoying myself. In addition, I was getting slightly apprehensive (aka sh*tting my pants) about this situation going on that no one took notice.

Everyone left I thought when I turned around and noticed that the chief was talking to the girl, but apparently the girl had a boyfriend and he did not look happy.
I entertained the thought of not doing anything and leaving, but at this point it seemed a fight was about to break out.
I ran to get the largest and strongest of our group who happened to be a 3rd degree black belt in Judo and weighed 240 pounds. A monster basically. He's like the Hulk except not green. I wish I could get him to say "HULK SMASH!" in Japanese. Smash might be smashuuuu! Not quite the same ring to it.

It didn't occur to me that he was drunk, so he moved his gigantic frame back into the bar pushing people and making a scene. He stepped in-between the chief and the not so happy boyfriend.
At this point I didn't want to be involved. I tiptoed out and mentioned to another judo guy that the big dude went in and I was going to pass out.
I leaned against a building and had a little rest, and by rest I mean pass out.
I suddenly came to, with someone shaking me, "Are you passed out? You are probably going to have to fight".
Dude, I don't even know where I am.

I looked up to see the escapades (problems) from inside the bar, had now come outside and the boyfriend was flipping out (angry). He yelled some not so nice stuff, and then the big judo guy stepped forward, then there was a row of guys on his side, and a row of guys on our side. It was nuts.
I looked for the nearest bathroom.
I'll be back I said.
"YOU can't!! You need to fight".
I looked at him.
"Dude, I've been drinking and I need to pee, I'm not fighting. The fact that I need to pee makes it worse, cause I'd just pee myself".
He didn't believe me. I hoped he wasn't about to test me.
At that point around $600 cash (yen) was given to the boyfriend.
Wow, money can ends fights. That's nice. I'd like to see that happen here.

We met the ladies and they asked how the night went. Silence. I told them I almost got the crap kicked out of me by my own group, without going into details. They didn't get into it.
I hoped that the $600 given to the angry boyfriend wouldn't be added to the group bill of the bus, beer, "special bar" etc.

End result. 
It was.

F!

haha.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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Underwear and Departure Time

This is kind of what the airport looked like. Only underwear was flying everywhere.

After three years in Japan, I realized I had acquired a lot of treasure (aka junk). I have a problem with throwing stuff out. I wouldn’t do it (and still won't). I put the bags together of all the things I wouldn't be carrying back to Canada in my suitcases, yes plural. Rubber chicken. Why do I have it and why do I need it in the future? Ten never used ice packs, why do I have so many? Ten rubber balls, what the heck? Am I five years old? Where did they even come from? A pair of women’s panties that say dollar store on them. Was that a gift to me? (from myself to myself?). Maybe I have split personalities.
I contemplating carrying some VHS tapes back, I had acquired about one hundred VHS tapes across the three years (and no not the Xrated versions). Of course, I no longer had a VHS player, but I imagined sometime in the future I could get one. Too bad VHS sucks and they are big and cumbersome. No room in my bags for it.
I gave the three large plastic bags of treasures (junk) to my Mexican-American friend, let’s call him Fernando. I knew he would stay for at least another year in Japan. Like me, he had acquired many things throughout his years and he didn't throw anything out. I knew the rubber chicken would not be going to the trash bin, instead it would continue its life cycle of uselessness.

I thought about keeping it. I'm sure I could use it somehow in the future. Or not!

As I packed my bags for home, I decided I should bring my desktop computer. The only problem was it was massive. I dismembered it (and by that I mean disassembled), and packed it in pieces.
Now for clothes. I don’t know why exactly but I had a lot of tighty whities and boxers. I guess because compared to Canada they were one of the only things that were relatively cheap. I could buy a pair at the dollar store (Daiso in Japan). I bought so many pairs I thought they would last years to come or more likely based on their quality, rip in half very soon.
I sent eight boxes full of stuff back to Canada by boat (the cheapest way possible). I still had over packed, and then even though I had read the weight restriction was 30 pounds, my wife had seen a note saying an additional $20 for $20 more pounds. Seemed so cheap so I made all my luggage weigh 50 pounds. Maybe I could put a small child in my bags too to pay for my ticket!
When we got to the airport to check in, there was a large line. To top it off, we didn't arrive early enough and I was super stressed. When we got to the front of the line the Japanese-American service clerk weighed my bag. “This bag is 50 pounds! The max is 25 pounds”. I was like WTF. I informed him the website said an additional $20 for 20 pounds. “Are you kidding me?”, he answered. I wasn't sure that was polite to a seven star General (I just made that up!). He said there was no way it was possible and he couldn't even calculate how much it would cost to go over the 25 pound limit in his head in costs. I was like oh shi$. He told us we better repack our bags. I started throwing my stuff everywhere. Since underwear weighed the least I decided to remove some of the heavier computer parts (motherboard, hard drive). I started throwing my underwear everywhere, all over the desk, on the floor, on peoples feet behind me. I could hear the older Japanese ladies laughing in line.
I was laughing too, I couldn't remember if I had washed any of those underwear! The joke was on them.
After fifteen minutes our Mission Impossible became Mission Possible. Maybe I'll get a new eight star General ranking? We ran like hell to the postal outlet at the airport. We were lucky they even had one there. I threw computer parts, my LCD monitor, my Playstation 2 etc into the box. I actually had to buy the boxes there, so I bought the cheapest ones (surprise). I hoped everything would be OK when it arrived in Canada delayed a few weeks after I would arrive.
When I rebuilt the computer at home, sparks shot out of the motherboard. Seems some fuses blew and parts of the motherboard has cracked in transit.
The only good news is it still seemed to function, although it smelled like an electrical fire for a few months. My nose lost some smell after being near it for long enough.
Oh and as for the underwear, I decided to play it safe and wash all of them for once.

I took the high road and washed all of them. They were fine I'm sure. Kind of like this one. Looks clean right? Just turn it inside out my friend Ken always tells me.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Can't Hear,Crap! Big Trouble Little Countryside

Can't Hear? Crap! Big Trouble in Little Countryside

This wasn't her village, but it is a countryside. 

I once went to visit my friend Yoko (that’s her real name not an alias by the way) in the countryside near Tokyo. Her family lived in the suburbs called Chiba. If you're interested its famous for peanuts. Its really the countryside.... like totally.
Cool, I thought, I get to visit the ol’ countryside.
I visited her family home which was a short walk from the station. It looked very traditional from the outside. They seemed to have electricity, how amazing I thought.
Since it was during the Winter holiday she had a lot of family visiting while I was there. There was one elderly aunt she introduced me too who I think may have been hard of hearing (as in completely deaf) and possibly vision impaired as well, because she didn't seem to know I was a gaijin “foreigner”. She spoke to me, asking my family’s last name and my hometown. When I told her Canada, she didn't bat an eye, because I don’t think she heard the response anyway.
Not a big deal except that when I went to use the bathroom I noticed there was no lock on the door. I could slide the door closed and there was a slight gap between the doors so that either person could tell someone was inside without seeing them in their porcelain throne glory. The only problem was if you are blind or close to blind, you can’t see the movement inside, and may think the door is closed due to remaining smells from previous occupants.
As I was trying to have my few minutes of peace, her aunt came to the door and started trying to open it. I tried to hold it closed yelling “Stop! I'm in here” in Japanese. She didn't seem to have any reaction as if she didn't hear me. She knocked on the door. In Japan you knock to see if someone is inside, as they would knock back to indicate yes there is someone in it. I knocked back but since she was deaf that didn't seem to work either. She kept pulling.
For someone so elderly she was pretty strong. That being said, on my side of the door was a tiny round metal handle which I could barely slide two fingers into. If I recall correctly she had a whole handle she could overpower me with. 

Dude, how can I block her when I can only get two fingers in this to block her.

She started to yell “Yoko! Your door seems to be stuck! I can’t get it open”. I yelled too “Yoko help! I'm in the bathroom and your aunt doesn't seem to hear me and has almost got the door open”.
The lactic acid in my fingers was starting to give out. I didn't know if I could hold the door anymore. Her aunt kept mumbling this door is so stiff I can’t get it open.
I resorted to English “LADY STOP! I'm in here, do not come in!”. Finally I could hear Yoko trying to tell her that someone was inside and lead her away. What a relief!
I couldn't continue my business (of porcelain time) due to anymore threats of the door opening. Stage freight I guess. She ruined my moment.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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30,000 dollars Bank Heist, Minus the Theft Part

 $30,000 Bank Heist, Minus the Heist

Money I like money! I wish I had some money right now. All gone!

As I geared up to leave Japan after three years I contemplated what to do with my buckets of money. And by buckets I mean a lot. But don’t try to rob me its all gone now. As the saying goes "Never trust a man with the money, you can be guaranteed it will be spent on drugs, alcohol, gambling or wasted on things they don’t need", like in my case.
Yes, even after spending large amounts of cash across three years at the dollar store (I almost went everyday) I had managed to save quite a bit believe it or not. $30,0000 is quite impressive if I can toot my own horn.
I’ll never forget the first day when I bought 100 items and the teacher said “I’ve never seen anyone buy so much at the dollarstore”. I smiled and told him, “And that’s just today, I’m planning to come back tomorrow!”. And the best part. I did!
As you may know I was on the JET Programme which is a Japanese government sponsored program.
A lot of people are able to save a lot of money since we were paid fairly well and in most cases, our apartment or living rental is subsidized. I knew of a few people who were able to to pay off their University loans. In my case, I just collected the buckets of money and dreamed of dollarstore glory.
So what should I do with the money I thought. How should I transfer it or should I just carry it in my suitcase, so it will be like a drug deal. When they ask me at the airport how I got all that money, I’ll be like, “Well, I Taught English for three years. I basically got paid to be beaten”.They would probably arrest me and say, "Must be drug money, there is no way you can get beaten in Japan by students, they are too nice". Not at my school.
The exchange rate was terrible! In fact it was the worst it had been since I had arrived in Japan.
Me, being the person I am, was not prepared to lose any money on the exchange rate. I was thinking I could make money on the exchange rate. If I waited long enough.
How long though, I didn’t even want to think about.
My final decision was to sit on the money, literally and figuratively. I thought since I had a post office (bank) account I would put all my money in the post office bank account (no fee to hold it), give someone I trusted my post office bank card (preferably someone rich so they don’t want to steal my money)  and for them to send it to me when the exchange rate was better.
The only issues I had was that my approximately $30,000 dollars was sitting in a different bank account across town and they wanted me to pay to transfer it. Ridiculous I thought! Who pays to have money transferred (I guess they do everywhere I found out later).. I’m a loyal customer of three years, the least they can do is transfer it for me. So I showed up during my last few days. I brought my ID and told them, “Hi, I’d like my $30,000 dollars please”. They suggested I transfer it and pay the $20 for the transfer. Seriously? I lose $20! I could buy twenty things the dollarstore with that.
I told them no, I want cash.
They prepared the bills in my bulletproof case (that's a joke about bulletproof case) and asked if I was OK. I said ya no problem and tossed the $30,000 into my old backpack. Now, had I been in the United States, or possibly Canada I may not have done this. Walking around with $30,000 is a bit of a risk.
To make the risk even greater I had ridden (rode?) my scooter. Plus my backpack was so old the zippers weren't staying together. Not to worry I thought, should be fine. Maybe.

This bag should hold the money well I thought.  The odd hole, hopefully no money will fall out.

I started up my scooter and drove to the other side of town. Since it was probably the last day I would get to use my scooter I gunned it, thinking about how I won’t be able to enjoy the wind through my hair again, nor the typhoons and rain in my eyes. I had forgotten the bag wasn’t closed very well.
I arrived at the post office. The teller asked what I’d like to do. I told her deposit $30,000 dollars.
She was like OK nonchalantly. I pulled my backpack off and noticed the zipper was open more than hallway, whoops!
There was a man standing pretty close behind me as well, so I was lucky he hadn’t put his hand in and taken any.Its OK though, he's Japanese I doubt he would.
She counted the money as I hoped to high hell it was all there.
I waited another three years before the exchange rate was what I considered good enough to transfer. I ended up paying 50$ per $10,000 to send to Canada, so $150.
In the end I paid more for waiting then the damn $20 to have to it transferred to the post office and avoid any risk. Plus I could have just taken it with me and lost less money on the exchange rate.
Oh damn, just my luck!
$150 to transfer! Can you believe that. Damn I could have bought 150 things at the dollarstore!

It's basically my Disneyland. Where dreams come true.  $1 everything!

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


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Demonstration on Riot Control for Newbies

Demonstration on Riot Control for Newbies

Be careful when wearing a tie. Although it looks professional it can be used against you.

  

Myles and his bloody demon students another part of the endless series.

Comments provided by Deo and Mike at end (witnesses below).


I don't even know where to start with this one.
On my third year of JET (JAPAN Exchange Teaching Program), I get asked to do a demonstration lesson for some new ALT's (Assistant Language Teacher).
I figured this is a terrible idea for 2 reasons
1) I'm not a very good teacher (ALT) and moreover
2) My school is full of demon children, how will they live through the 2 hour lesson? I don't wish that torture on anyone.

I tell Shobana I think its a bad idea to do it. He tells me I’m the most senior, one other senior gaijin teacher always sleeps in class, and the other has only been here 2 years only. In fact every time I heard stories from the guy that was only there 2 years, his classes inspired me to be a better teacher. Then when I'd get to school I'd just think, with some of these little demons I can't even expect to them to learn Hello, its going to come out HARO no matter what I do.
Mr.Shobana (education ministry teacher) calls me a few times at my school telling me I should do it and I'm such a good teacher (rub my ego). It usually works.
He calls me more and more and again I bring up the other Assistant Language Teachers and he said he can't be trusted. I laugh again.
So a date is set for me to demo lesson for Mike, Deo, Janna and May. I send them a warning email. 
The email tells them that I can't predict what will happen but most likely it won't be good. I told the girls they might want to cover their chests, because based on how they molest me they will probably molest them. So I'm pretty sure they all think I'm joking. As my stories sound a bit far fetched I realize this is a chance for them to see I actually do have demon students.
So one day they come and the head English teacher tells the classes there will be other foreigners coming to the class to see it. Some of the students say typically things, like "F#% the foreigners", "Tell them to go home to their country", "I don't want to, f@% them", etc. Perfect I thought, let them be themselves.
So they come to my first demo class which is a 2nd year class. I told the head teacher I thought this was a bad class to chose from because one of the boys was really bad. He said he wasn't that bad, compared to other classes. I insisted he was uncontrollable and it was a bad idea. He didn't listen. What else is new?
The new English teachers come into the class. They sit at the back. My students were not used to having a girl English teacher. Since my school always needed a male to take the beatings. Insert me as a rag-doll here.
The bad student starts talking as soon as they come in, "Oohhh her chest is so big, I want to touch". He keeps staring at the girls. I'm kind of pissed off that he is so rude even though I didn't think the other foreigners understood what he was saying. Then he looks at the Chinese Canadian girl "Is she Japanese? She seems weird for Japanese, but her chest is big too". The other students aren't reacting to what he is saying. Then he starts talking to the guy behind him saying he is going to look at the two gaijin and touch himself. OK, I'm a bit angry but I try to let it slide. I know he is bad, but he is making me look bad (even though I realized the English teachers didn't understand the dirty words coming out of his mouth). I didn't like it. Sometimes its nice to understand Japanese, other times not. If I said the kind of stuff he said, I would have had a bar of soap in my mouth, trust me, it DOES NOT TASTE GOOD!
Finally the class starts and the kid keeps blabbing as I try to get the students to repeat after me. I'm getting angry that he never shuts up and is so rude but try not to show it.
Finally the older teacher helper is trying to talk to him to settle him down. He is like "Get out of my face old hag, you stink". On this point he was correct, she was an old hag and she stank but that's a different story (which I've already posted in this blog if you haven't read it). Read it after if you haven't already.
He keeps telling her to get away and is threatening her. I didn't feel good about this, because apart from her being a hag and smelly she was an elderly lady and didn't speak any English (yet supposedly was to help in an English class? Seriously WTF!?). So this is also making me angry, plus the new English teachers can see this and do understand because regardless of the words he was saying he was acting threatening towards her. I cast a look at Deo and Mike and they see what's going on. May and Janna seemed more into the class and were doing a good job of ignoring the bad student.
Finally he starts calling to the girls "Hey big boobs, big boobs!!". I think Janna knew that he was talking to them cause she said something like"Turn around and listen!" He was like, "I don't know what the F#^# she is saying". Since we all start ignoring him he is now getting angry. I can tell by this sly look he is up to no good and planning something. Repeat I did warn the head teacher he is bad news.
Finally he grabs a hanger and bends it to hit other kids with. At first he is just hitting their desks and he is getting closer to them. This is the last straw for me. The head English teacher is doing jack sh#$, and the head of the education board is there and also doing jack. I'm like WTF? If I give him a gun and knife then will you finally react?

Yes you look super cool awesome and stand out, but kindly don't be a douche.

So I figure the best solution is to just take it away and continue as if nothing happened. So he is threatening this girl beside him and she keeps saying "Stop!" but he doesn't. So I walk over and I'm reading the textbook out loud and I grab the hanger. I walk back to the front desk and throw the hanger in the garbage. He starts yelling in Japanese "I'm getting angry, very angry! I'm going to get you, you are going to pay for that". I block him out and keep my face glued to the page trying to finish with the kids as the class is getting near the end. Then, all of the sudden I see some movement out of the corner of my eye. I try to ignore it as I wanted to get the text done. Suddenly someone grabs me by the shirt and tie and throws me on a desk ninja style (at mach 5 speed). I'm like whoaaaaa, Jesus! Finally Shobana and the head English teacher strike into action and grab his fist as he is about to smash it into my face. Better late than never I guess. I don't need plastic surgery on my nose, its big enough.
They kick him out of the class as he tells me he is going to kill me. Not with a hanger please, seems a bit too painful.
I rearrange my tie and shirt and continue on with the lesson. At this point I'm as sweaty as can be. So I'm like fu#k let's do this bitch and get it over with. I continue with the bullshit dialogue and the class ends.
After the class is over all the teachers watching say I did well under the pressure and it was sad I had to deal with that kind of crap everyday. I didn't tell them but I almost crapped myself (I think I did a little). I could feel the diarrhea ready to burst under the pressure.



Deo's Version
That dude got beat down.


Mike's Version
It was funny.


My blogpost about the old lady teacher.
The Toxic Smell of Age
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2011/12/toxic-smell-of-age.html

I think I need Wayne Brady's help next time.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

A Soccer Kick to the Demon Student part 2

Have you ever wanted to a soccer kick someone in the face?

I have.
It sounds mean, and guess what. It is!

Part 2

This looks bad, but I totally wanted to do it. Soccer boots on as well.

If you didn't read my last post, please read it first. 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/soccer-kick-to-demon-student-part-1.html

If you don't have time or don't want to, the gist is that this one kid was evil and happened to be the devil's spawn. He wanted to test to see how Zen I was. I wasn't at all and lost control.

Back to the original story, after he sprayed himself with perfume and with the heat all the kids started complaining. He picked on the nicest, smartest kid in the class who was sitting beside him and he sprayed her in the face with the perfume. I was furious. She was this little quiet, helpless kid, who he chose to abuse because he is the biggest bully. This demon child physically abuses teachers and students and is getting away with it.

I told him to stop it. I don’t recall now if I spoke in English or Japanese, but either way he got the message I was not impressed.

He came to the back of the classroom where I was standing and shoulder checked me into the wall. He seemed to be walking out of the class.

I lost it. I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into the door. He started punching me in the face and chest which made me more angry. Of course I couldn’t really punch him, since he is a kid. Although one of the Japanese English teachers used to tell me someday I should try, since the chances of me getting sued or kicked out of Japan were less due to me not being Japanese.

He fell against the door and I pushed him harder. He grabbed me by the trachea (throat) and started to try to crunch my windpipe.

Double spelt wrong. Only I choked he kicked me in the balls.

 Since I was so angry, I didn’t feel much. Occasionally adrenaline comes in handy. He kicked me in the balls and I pushed him again. Finally due to the door being a sliding door and both of us leaning on it, it slide open and we fell into the hallway.

He was swearing like bloody murder and some of the hallway teachers came to see what was happening. He kicked me in the balls again and I kept coming forward, as if to show him no matter what he tried to do, I could destroy him.

He tried to punch me and I avoided it, then he kicked me in the nuts harder, which I could feel. I felt like I peeing blood. Not a great feeling to say the least. I don't suggest you try it.

As his last kick hit me in my balls and I felt like my spleen split, I grabbed his foot. At Judo I had practiced a move about 1000 times where once you grab the foot you kick/ sweep out the remaining leg. This ends up with the person either landing on their back and their wind knocked out on mats, or if on the streets, the head hitting the cement and their brains falling out. I thought about this for at least ten seconds. I could have ended it right there, but it might have ended up being permanently for him. I was trying to think rationally through the anger and adrenaline. 

Imagine me throwing you super speed on your head on cement.

I let his leg go and he tried to kick me again, luckily this time due to the previous hit my hips automatically moved back (like Elvis) trying to protect my groin from further damage. A female teacher came forward to try to restrain him and he slugged her in the face. I couldn’t believe it. I stepped on his foot and again I thought about letting him have it. I was so close to destroying him I can’t even tell you. At that point I didn’t care he was 15 years old, my size and technically a child. He was a demon that deserved some punishment.
I stepped off his foot and gave him a swift kick to his shins to level things out. Until that point I hadn’t laid a finger on him in retaliation for his kicks to my balls, punches and shoulder check. I couldn’t contain my anger anymore.
The female teacher was holding her face in pain. As I kicked him in the shin he let out a squeal like I had stuck a knife in him. Dude, I kicked you in the shin. You just slugged a lady in the face! Man up!
Finally a male teacher came and he pushed him away. Finally a few more teachers came and they managed to subdue him. They started to pull him away. At this point I looked down and my shirt and realized not only was it ripped, but there was blood on it, I didn’t know where it was from but when I felt my lip I realized my lip was cut open. My throat had fingernail blood marks and I felt like peeing blood. Maybe I can donate the blood?
The English teacher suggested I go to the staff room to go get a new shirt. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Just my luck, that demon student was standing at the staffroom while they tried to settle him down. Seriously? That is unlucky.
He ran at me as fast as he could and yelled. I thought perhaps at this point he might be scared of me, since I doubt many teachers kick students in the shin, or retaliate in anyway.
He pretended to punch me, but I had no reaction. I thought maybe it would show him how weak he is, that I don’t care if he hits me, I’ll keep coming forward and crush him whenever I want. I felt like I was a black panther (civil rights movement for African Americans in USA.) only I'm not black and my goal isn't as important.
He charged at me again, the female teacher who had got punched in the face a few minutes before begged him to stop, she literally begged him. I felt really bad for her. It was like she was begging for him to let me live. Maybe she expected the worse from him, a knife in my back. Great.
As he tried to punch me again, she turned her back on him and covered me from punches. That was nice, although the few male teachers that were left tried to control him. I headed to the staff room.
It seems like the remaining staff knew what was happening. I was told I should to the principal’s office to hide. It was like I was in protective custody. Its a kid though I thought, can't they just suspend him? He repeated about 100 times how he was going to kill me. I should have recorded it and turned it into a song. It might have caught on for the other demon children.
I hide in the principal’s office. He tried to gain access to the principal’s office by kicking the door from the hallway and punching the windows. I was laughing a bit, it seemed a bit overly dramatic and ridiculous.
After another hour of him being a drama demon, they said it might be safe for me to return to the staffroom.
I didn’t know if they were joking but they told me I should be careful in the hallways, as he may be waiting for me. I was like ummm OK.
I pictured him sharpening a pencil to stab me with. At least he is using a pencil for once I thought.
I managed to survive for the next few weeks.
One of the muscular American guys whose Japanese wife happened to work at my school knew about the situation.
During a JET English teacher meeting, they asked if anyone was having any issues. My teacher had asked me to keep the story on the down-low for the school’s sake and my own, since it was suggested to me, it was mostly my fault for setting him off.
I didn’t say anything, I had already mentioned my school was difficult and I was abused regularly, but no one took notice. Thanks by the way if you are reading this. HA!
I don’t want to compare myself to a crime victim, but it was definitely like being victimized and even though trying to report it, no one listens. Plus I didn't feel like bringing it up, since who is gonna believe I got beat by a child.
The head of the prefecture was at the meeting and he came over. As he was about to finish the meeting, the American guy said “Listen. I know this guy and he is getting beat by his students. This person doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers, release his name or his school's name but he was told BE LIKE BRUCE LEE when a student attacked him. Can anything be done or what!?”. The person claimed he didn’t know there were any issues and that if that was the situation he would like to know what he can do to solve it.
I got a phone call the next day from that person. He informed me he had spoken to his Japanese government superiors, who informed him my school was a special situation and not much could be done. I was like damn! He told me the only way I could switch schools was if for some reason I had a terrible medical condition they couldn't deal with in my town.

For the first time in my life I wish I had something serious, like the black plague.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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