I hope you don't expect a post about "catching them all". Its about catching you all, and keeping you in my pokey balls for the duration of this blogpost (wait what!? That sounds perverted..... as it should)
No this post is actually more about how I'm idiot, but then, that is what most of my posts are about.
When I was young and in Japan, we didn't have Android and Apple cell phones. Everyone had these crappy things that you can type texts on and play radio (some TV too actually) but no Google MAPS etc (not the huge Zack Morris type phones, they are tiny but don't do as much as today's phones with exceptionally crappy graphics like original gameboy vs PS4).
I never knew where I was (not that I do now most of the time) and no one had GPS like we do now.
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| I wished I had that phone... when I was 10! |
Try Tokyo by yourself. Its like a puzzle with half the pieces missing. You probably think this sounds like a joke, but unfortunately its the truth.
I ripped this from Google regarding street addresses in Japan.
Most Streets in Japan Don't Have Names. ... In Japan, they use a very different addressing system than is used in most Western countries. Rather than streets having names (the space in between blocks), they give blocks numbers and leave the space in between the blocks, streets, nameless.
Key is nameless, remember that. Trying to find a nameless space.
You might say you could be Lost in Translation (funny because there is a movie about it and it involves Japan, Billy Murray and Black Widow). On a sidenote if you have seen it remember "lip my stalkings", very funny. L and R are a big issue for Japanese, never discuss Obama's election, ever!
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| Typical Japanese map, only with Chinese characters and lots of random numbers. |
I quite literally came across an old email today which sparked this post. Looks like I wrote it to a friend after I got back from the Tokyo trip.
This is the original email. Remember I'm writing it to someone so its supposed to be in a voice in your head, like its a letter (but actually an email, as no one sends letters anymore).
"Tokyo was the shits. Literally and figuratively. I got lost looking for John's (damn) apartment.
He was in Osaka at the time while I'm in Tokyo and texted me that he hid a key to his place outside. The problem was finding his (damn) apartment. He gave me an address that looks like random characters thrown together with some random numbers (I wasn't even sure its even a real address). He gave a cross street that doesn't exist and characters I couldn't find. I was convinced he might be messing with me at first.
I did the only sensible thing I could and went to 7-11. Grabbed some niku man (hot Chinese buns full of meat) and asked the workers there where the address was. Seems like they didn't know either. They pointed in a general direction. Saying that way its West. I was like thanks, that's so exact..... ;-(
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| It was like this, only looked better. This one looks sorta nasty. |
This lady, I guess a customer kept looking at me. Finally after like 10 minutes, she said in Japanese are you lost? I said ya (I considered making a joke about Lost in Translation the movie, but I didn't). She said what's the address. She looked at it, "kinda that way, 'West' ish" . I responded everyone likes to point that out to me.
It was super cold outside and I carried too many bags. The lady offered to bike while I ran behind her. I felt like I was a rickshaw puller, without the rickshaw but just as exhausted. I was hoping she would offer to rig up a way to pull one of my bags behind her attached to her bike.
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| I didn't have any fans and I was only pulling luggage, but it was hard work pulling & catching up to a bike. |
She finally found it the address for me. It required a pass-by of the same place 5 times. "I don't think he wrote the address was quite correct she comments or its nameless (F!) , but ya its West I guess."
I couldn't find the key where he told me it was going to be. I was gonna knock on the door of the building, but I tried one last brick and I found it (how many loose bricks define a building as safe). I entered his apartment and it was sickly gross. There was sh%t falling outta his toilet too! Clothes strewn everywhere. I remember a few times he told me how he had girls over often. I couldn't believe it, they must be really drunk (and in retrospect leaving his place was probably like a maze (not corn maze but similar) too, hopefully they found 7-11 like me assuming they would point "East" to escape.
It was no surprise to me that none of his relationships ever lasted (as in more than one night haha, mean but funny).
His apartment was as cold as F (colder than outside, how is that possible?) and he seemed to only have 1 single electric heater which had one setting "on". Couldn't find his usual aircon / heater unit, but it may have been under clothes, boxes and the rats (or beavers, I didn't want to lift the clothes to find out, at least its not human bodies this time since moving occasionally).
As for things the other interesting parts of the trip beside that.
We lost the English competition... the Princess' English were flipping amazing! British Oxford style! Ill do her impression for you when I see you next. I took some pictures where the sign said don't take any pictures (a rebel without a cause, it can be used as proof I was within few metres of the Princess).
Anyways I feel like I've been pulling a rickshaw around all day, so I'm going to bed. G'night m f*^ker."
End of letter (actually email).
After that, a few days later we went to Tsukiji the fish market. The funny thing was I didn't prepare proper shoes so I wore my dress shoes there, bad idea.
As you can imagine a fish market isn't exactly clean and you are basically standing in guts and runoff from seafood. I noticed everyone else there, had proper rubber boots on, with steel toe boots.
The dress shoes stank for another month or so after. I only had 2 pairs I could alternate at work. I think the kids wondered if the smell was my body odor or something else. If I noticed their nose twitching, I'd do the same thing, so they didn't suspect me.
When someone said it stinks outloud I'd blamed a different student and pointed. Its good to have trust as a teacher, it can come in handy at the most inopportune time.
My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NwwCyK_ZPA
Other funny stories from this blog
My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )
My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
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