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Saturday, June 30, 2012

A Soccer Kick to the Demon Student part 2

Have you ever wanted to a soccer kick someone in the face?
I have.
It sounds mean, and guess what. It is!


Part 2

This looks bad, but I totally wanted to do it. Soccer boots on as well.

If you didn't read my last post, please read it first. 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/soccer-kick-to-demon-student-part-1.html

If you don't have time or don't want to, the gist is that this one kid was evil and happened to be the devil's spawn. He wanted to test to see how Zen I was. I wasn't at all and lost control.
Back to the original story, after he sprayed himself with perfume and with the heat all the kids started complaining. He picked on the nicest, smartest kid in the class who was sitting beside him and he sprayed her in the face with the perfume. I was furious. She was this little quiet, helpless kid, who he chose to abuse because he is the biggest bully. This demon child physically abuses teachers and students and is getting away with it.
I told him to stop it. I don’t recall now if I spoke in English or Japanese, but either way he got the message I was not impressed.
He came to the back of the classroom where I was standing and shoulder checked me into the wall. He seemed to be walking out of the class.
I lost it. I grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him into the door. He started punching me in the face and chest which made me more angry. Of course I couldn’t really punch him, since he is a kid. Although one of the Japanese English teachers used to tell me someday I should try, since the chances of me getting sued or kicked out of Japan were less due to me not being Japanese.
He fell against the door and I pushed him harder. He grabbed me by the trachea (throat) and started to try to crunch my windpipe.

Double spelt wrong. Only I choked he kicked me in the balls.

 Since I was so angry, I didn’t feel much. Occasionally adrenaline comes in handy. He kicked me in the balls and I pushed him again. Finally due to the door being a sliding door and both of us leaning on it, it slide open and we fell into the hallway.
He was swearing like bloody murder and some of the hallway teachers came to see what was happening. He kicked me in the balls again and I kept coming forward, as if to show him no matter what he tried to do, I could destroy him.
He tried to punch me and I avoided it, then he kicked me in the nuts harder, which I could feel. I felt like I peeing blood. Not a great feeling to say the least. I don't suggest you try it.
As his last kick hit me in my balls and I felt like my spleen split, I grabbed his foot. At Judo I had practiced a move about 1000 times where once you grab the foot you kick/ sweep out the remaining leg. This ends up with the person either landing on their back and their wind knocked out on mats, or if on the streets, the head hitting the cement and their brains falling out. I thought about this for at least ten seconds. I could have ended it right there, but it might have ended up being permanently for him. I was trying to think rationally through the anger and adrenaline. 

Imagine me throwing you super speed on your head on cement.

I let his leg go and he tried to kick me again, luckily this time due to the previous hit my hips automatically moved back (like Elvis) trying to protect my groin from further damage. A female teacher came forward to try to restrain him and he slugged her in the face. I couldn’t believe it. I stepped on his foot and again I thought about letting him have it. I was so close to destroying him I can’t even tell you. At that point I didn’t care he was 15 years old, my size and technically a child. He was a demon that deserved some punishment.
I stepped off his foot and gave him a swift kick to his shins to level things out. Until that point I hadn’t laid a finger on him in retaliation for his kicks to my balls, punches and shoulder check. I couldn’t contain my anger anymore.
The female teacher was holding her face in pain. As I kicked him in the shin he let out a squeal like I had stuck a knife in him. Dude, I kicked you in the shin. You just slugged a lady in the face! Man up!
Finally a male teacher came and he pushed him away. Finally a few more teachers came and they managed to subdue him. They started to pull him away. At this point I looked down and my shirt and realized not only was it ripped, but there was blood on it, I didn’t know where it was from but when I felt my lip I realized my lip was cut open. My throat had fingernail blood marks and I felt like peeing blood. Maybe I can donate the blood?
The English teacher suggested I go to the staff room to go get a new shirt. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Just my luck, that demon student was standing at the staffroom while they tried to settle him down. Seriously? That is unlucky.
He ran at me as fast as he could and yelled. I thought perhaps at this point he might be scared of me, since I doubt many teachers kick students in the shin, or retaliate in anyway.
He pretended to punch me, but I had no reaction. I thought maybe it would show him how weak he is, that I don’t care if he hits me, I’ll keep coming forward and crush him whenever I want. I felt like I was a black panther (civil rights movement for African Americans in USA.) only I'm not black and my goal isn't as important.
He charged at me again, the female teacher who had got punched in the face a few minutes before begged him to stop, she literally begged him. I felt really bad for her. It was like she was begging for him to let me live. Maybe she expected the worse from him, a knife in my back. Great.
As he tried to punch me again, she turned her back on him and covered me from punches. That was nice, although the few male teachers that were left tried to control him. I headed to the staff room.
It seems like the remaining staff knew what was happening. I was told I should to the principal’s office to hide. It was like I was in protective custody. Its a kid though I thought, can't they just suspend him? He repeated about 100 times how he was going to kill me. I should have recorded it and turned it into a song. It might have caught on for the other demon children.

I hide in the principal’s office. He tried to gain access to the principal’s office by kicking the door from the hallway and punching the windows. I was laughing a bit, it seemed a bit overly dramatic and ridiculous.
After another hour of him being a drama demon, they said it might be safe for me to return to the staffroom.
I didn’t know if they were joking but they told me I should be careful in the hallways, as he may be waiting for me. I was like ummm OK.
I pictured him sharpening a pencil to stab me with. At least he is using a pencil for once I thought.
I managed to survive for the next few weeks.
One of the muscular American guys whose Japanese wife happened to work at my school knew about the situation.
During a JET English teacher meeting, they asked if anyone was having any issues. My teacher had asked me to keep the story on the down-low for the school’s sake and my own, since it was suggested to me, it was mostly my fault for setting him off.
I didn’t say anything, I had already mentioned my school was difficult and I was abused regularly, but no one took notice. Thanks by the way if you are reading this. HA!
I don’t want to compare myself to a crime victim, but it was definitely like being victimized and even though trying to report it, no one listens. Plus I didn't feel like bringing it up, since who is gonna believe I got beat by a child.
The head of the prefecture was at the meeting and he came over. As he was about to finish the meeting, the American guy said “Listen. I know this guy and he is getting beat by his students. This person doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers, release his name or his school's name but he was told BE LIKE BRUCE LEE when a student attacked him. Can anything be done or what!?”. The person claimed he didn’t know there were any issues and that if that was the situation he would like to know what he can do to solve it.
I got a phone call the next day from that person. He informed me he had spoken to his Japanese government superiors, who informed him my school was a special situation and not much could be done. I was like damn! He told me the only way I could switch schools was if for some reason I had a terrible medical condition they couldn't deal with in my town.
For the first time in my life I wish I had something serious, like the black plague.


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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

 

Friday, June 29, 2012

A Soccer Kick to the Demon Student Part 1

"A Swift Kick to the Shin should level things out I thought".


Have you ever wanted to a soccer kick someone in the face?
I have.


One my evil students, one of the worst in the school did his best to see if I could contain composure while going off at me. Unfortunately for him, I couldn’t.
I cannot emphasize how terrible he was. I heard him say a lot of terrible things, swear at minorities (Brazilian/ and Me), be racist, punch or kick teachers, say sexual comments to female teachers and abuse other students. He was never reprimanded to my knowledge. When I asked why he such a bad kid, a few of the teachers told me “His parents are divorced”. Dude, are you kidding me? Get of jail card because his parents are divorced, seriously WTF!?

I recall one day while attending a gym class the gymnasium was split into two sections, one for basketball and one for volleyball. One of the psychologists was there. She was saying something to him and he grabbed the volleyball and threw it into her face. I was across the gym and I could still see the upset / hurt look on the psychologist’s face. She never came back to the school. I wish I could say it was the last day for me too.

Ouch, that hurts. 


I also helped out during gym doing Judo classes, as you know I am part Ninja. It was OK until his class showed up. I hoped since Judo is quite a dangerous sport he would not do anything stupid.
Of course, he was an idiot so I should have been thinking how to minimize the stupid things he is about to do.
We practiced a throw which involves putting your leg between the person’s leg and throwing them. This throw could be slightly altered however by turning the throw into a kick to the balls, and of course the person would jump, instead of get thrown.

See where the nut kick comes in? Doesn't feel good.

After witnessing him do this to a few of his friends, the head Judo teacher was laughing about it. I didn’t see humour in getting a guys balls kicked in, but he far outranked me, so I shut my mouth.
Finally the head teacher says all the kids will get to throw our foreigner judo teacher (me) with their favourite throw and to announce the throws name before they did it.
When I got to him, I saw a glint in his devilish eyes. He said “Uchi mata” the throw which I stated above can be turned to a ball kick. As he went to put his foot into my nuts, I jumped avoiding the kick to the nuts. He yelled out “WTF! THIS GUY IS A WIMP! He is afraid of me!”.
And guess what, I was! He’s becomes the devil’s spawn due to his parents getting divorced. Cue cry me a river by Justin Timberlake here please. I don’t recall any of my friends whose parents are divorced do that kind of crap.


One day while the school it was hot as hell, he was doing his typical mouthing off thing. Saying stupid things and harassing other students. The main English teacher had left the room to get some papers from the staff office.
This left me with the devil incarnate and twenty other kids. Another five of them being his demon friends with heat that did feel like the fires from hell.
This one particular day he decided to spray himself with perfume. I would like to say it was cologne since he is a man, but due to its smell I can only guess it was some old lady’s perfume.
There could have been a number of reasons he doused himself with this foul smelling crap. On the top of the list is that either he smelled like smoke because he liked to do underage smoking, or perhaps the later, that he was an ass and wanted to annoy and harass other students.
Might have been a combination.
I never liked the kid and felt like there was something very wrong with him in the head. The things I had seen him done and the way he interacted with the other kids told me he was one bad dude.
There was weekly psychologists there to assess the kids. I didn’t really have much contact with them, but they came in and had talks with the bad kids, or would watch them interact in classes. They didn’t really say much to me personally, although I did one time breakdown to one of them and told her I wanted to soccer kick one of the kids in the face. I wondered if that was right to tell her, or if I had teacher patient, school psychologist confidentiality. Probably not.
I would hope its not abnormal to want to kick someone in the face.
Everyone must want to do it at some point in time to someone right?

BLOG Part 2 next time...... for continuation

Click here for Part 2
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/soccer-kick-to-demon-student-part-2.html

Ya like that. Only he sees it coming less.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.



Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva



Saturday, June 16, 2012

He Swallowed a Fly, Perhaps he'll Die!

He swallowed a fly, I don't know why, but perhaps he'll die.

I didn't even need the chopsticks, due to my ninja skills.


I was at my neighborhood Judo club one night. I had a bit of a cold so I figured I would take it easy. I thought wrong! The teacher who is the best at groundwork (chokes, armlock, pain locks) called me over. “Hey, come and do groundwork with me”, he said. OK I was thinking, I’ll just go one time and very lightly. So we started off really going at it, eventually he ended up with me on my back and he started to crush me with his weight. I knew he loved chokes so one was probably coming, but I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.

Something fell into my throat and I couldn’t breathe. He started to choke me at the same time, and I felt like throwing up. It felt like I was being choked from the inside out and well as from the outside, like someone took a lego block and shoved it down my windpipe. I tapped and he didn’t let go. “Don’t be a wimp, the choke is barely on”, he said to me. I started to see aurora borealis and then more colours dancing in the sky (cool rainbow of death). Perfect I thought, I am about to die. He probably saw me turning purple but because he is a stubborn S.O.B he didn’t let go. “What’s with you tonight? You don’t usually give up so easily? You are a wimp”, he whispered into my ear. Hmm, insult on top of slowly draining my life force, that’s nice.

This is what I saw and I started to pass out, beautiful. Then, I started to die.

 As my eyes flickered for the last few times, he eased up a little but held the position (good only a little brain damage), but whatever was in my throat was going further down. It felt like someone had just taken a spoon and was ramming in down my throat. And by that, I totally mean the round end, all the way to the base of my throat and moving it back and forth like the bottom of the ice cream bucket, getting the last bit. The air couldn’t even enter my nostrils or mouth, it felt like the life was being sucked out of me (maybe he’s a vampire? But his breath smelled like garlic so maybe not). What seemed like forever, was probably about 20 seconds. As I stopped moving to try to save myself from death the judo teacher let go (or was I unconscious and just dreaming that?). Somehow I ended up on my side and then someone pushed my back (resuscitation technique), I turned over with my face towards the mat and started throwing up. Only the bile couldn’t pass whatever was in my throat. Guess what came out!? A huge fly! It must have either flown into my throat or was on his judogi (judo clothes). So my eyes were all watery and I felt like half the fly was still in my throat. I had a feeling part of it was  because when it came out it was dead as a nail, and tasted like one too. Nasty! The judo teacher finally retorted, “Is that all? You think that was blocking you? You should have blocked the choke”. I didn’t know if he was joking, the size of the fly was the biggest I’ve ever seen in my life. It reminds me of something exotic which only grows in the Amazon or something. There were a lot of Brazilians in my town, maybe one of them brought it as a pet. Secondly how do you block a choke when you are pre-choking before the judo choke is even on. Its a little overkill, or in my cause almost kill.
I continued trying to breath properly for the rest of the night, but it felt was if there was something rancid in my throat, possibly the wings or the taste of the bile that pushed the fly out in the first place. 
Gross! 

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.



Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

Friday, June 8, 2012

Funky Skin Rashes and Ancient Languages

Funky Skin Rashes and Ancient Languages

I think I did upload it, or at least I did do other pics like when I had a purple toe and black eye.

While in Japan I got some funky skin rashes. It’s called athlete’s foot in English, but in Japan they called it “mizu mushi”, which basically means water bug / insect. WTF? I have a water bug in my skin. Then I looked it up and the other word in English is ringworm. I guess the Japanese word is true. Its basically bacteria on the skin that starts doing the funky chicken or perhaps  in our case the funky worm.

I wasn’t sure how I got it, but I was rolling around doing judo groundwork with a lot of questionable people. I hoped it was from me wearing sweaty socks all the time including in winter, where I wore 3 pairs at once to stay warm.

According to Wikipedia athlete’s foot is a fungus and will grow more rapidly in the following conditions
1) Crowded or Humid conditions. That's me!
2) Sweat excessively. That's me!
3) Participate in close sports like wrestling and soccer. That's me!
4) Wear tight constrictive clothing with poor aeration. That's me!
5) Have a weakened immune system. Hope not!

I think I met 4 of the 5 best conditions for it to grow. Number 5 nope, at least I hope anyways.

Summer seemed to be the worst though, that damn humidity never lets up. I saw all the teachers wore socks inside, but sometimes I was so sweaty, I took them off. I’m sure they were horrified.
But what else is new? I did wear underwear (despite what you may have heard through the rumour mill).

I finally decided it was getting progressively worse so I went to the doctor. The Japanese doctor looked at it and said you need to go to the skin doctor.
So, off on my jolly way I went.
It was my first time to a skin doctor. I had never been to one in Canada either so I wasn’t sure what to expect.
I envisioned a room full of people with goiters on their necks (big huge weird balls of skin).
When I arrived I found a room full of people waiting. It had a very “countryside” feel to it.
A girl looked at me, “Mama there is a gaijin (foreigner) here”. I contemplated responding “Ya and I understand you.” But, alas I decided against it.
My name was called from the front “Mr.Gaijin”. I was like ummm that’s not really my name but OK. I entered the room where a chipper older Japanese doctor sat. He had a big smile on his face, like he was happy to see me.
“Konnichi wa Mr.Gaijin. Do you understand Japanese?” he pondered. “Well, yes a little”, I answered. He looked even more happy. “You are the first gaijin to my office. I am happy to meet you. Are you American?”. “No”, I answered. “Oh, where are you from, perhaps a Brit?”. “Ahem, no, I’m Canadian”. He seemed to think about that for a minute like it didn’t register. Finally “Good. That’s good, let’s have a look at your hairy gorilla like skin”. No! He didn’t say that, but I think it would have been funny if he had.
He started inspecting my skin with a magnifying glass. He then grabbed a knife and my foot and locked it between his legs. I had a feeling he was about to filet my toes. Instead he grabbed my foot and scrapped a bunch of skin from my foot. It was pretty painful, but I tried to keep my mouth shut..
He took the skin fragments and looked at them with his high powered microscope.
“Ah HA!” he yelled. “Just as I expected, its Tinea pedis”. I was like “Sorry, what? Tina who?”. As far as I recall I don’t remembering doing judo with anyone named Tina. He seemed surprised I didn’t understand and handed me a book of skin conditions, it had Japanese on one side and some weird language on the other. He pointed to it, “Here it's written in English”. I was like ummmm….. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it sure wasn’t English, maybe Polish or Russian I thought. After a minute I realized it must be Latin cause it had roots of things that never made sense to me like “magnus” “corporis” , “malus”, “Ginormous”. That last one I added in myself, I was just trying to go with the flow. In-case you didn’t know ginormous was recently added into English dictionaries due to its popular usage on the pop culture scene.
I finally told the doctor “Actually its called Latin. English does have some roots in it, but I don’t speak or understand it.”. He looked baffled. “Do you mean you don’t speak your own language?”, he asked. “No, I do. Its just that this is not my language. I mean it did add words and stuff to my language but its not my language”, I answered.
As always I don’t think I did a great job of explaining it to him. He seemed baffled.
Being the smart alleck I am, I thought I would give him a great metaphor. “So you speak Japanese right? Japanese characters came from Chinese, so if someone shows you something in Chinese they might think you speak Chinese, but probably you can’t read it, well to a degree you can, cause the base of the character meaning would be the same”. Blank stare on his face. Then, “ I don’t speak Chinese”, he answered. I didn’t know how to answer him, I had done a piss poor job of explaining it to him, what else is new.
He started writing something down and told me I would need to take oral medicine five times a day. That’s annoying I thought. In Japan they always give low dosages of medicine, and most foreigners find it quite weak. Most books for foreigners coming to Japan recommend bringing your own medicine, half of our medicine is banned though, be careful.
He looked at me and said “If you don’t take care of the tinea pedis it will become tinea cruris”. 
Crap! He definitely did not comprehend I didn’t speak Latin.
I asked him to write the words down so I could perhaps look through a Latin dictionary later (if I could find one, maybe in the Vatican?) to decipher his dead archaic language.

I looked up the word later, it said it meant jock itch.
NO THANKS I'LL PASS!


I started bathing my feet in vinegar everyday cause I read on the internet, it helps cure it.
My girlfriend commented a few times it smelled like “sushi rice”. Ha!
I don't think anyone wants to eat rice that has touched my feet.

If I ever go to a make your own wine place, I'm not drinking the wine I crush with my bare-feet.



Let's see. Doesn't look that hard to understand. Latin is the same as English right?


If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva



Monday, June 4, 2012

Don't Put Screwdrivers In Your Ear!

 Don't Put Screwdrivers In Your Ear!

This may seem obvious to most people. 
A few times with my bad students I was tempted to get a screwdriver and try it.

Anyways...

You know that saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Perhaps, I should rephrase it to “Dumb people are dumb”. In this case it applies to me (most of my stories should be called this).

I started to enjoying cleaning out my ears in Japan. Although I’ve always enjoyed cleaning out my ears with kleenex in Canada, I’ve never been a fan of cotton swabs aka Q-tips. Doesn’t get deep enough and I find myself scratching till the white end is a mix of wax and blood.That’s attractive.
Kleenex on the other hand is delightful. First off, you can roll it into a little round point and probe deep into your skull or to be exact, deep inside your ear in this case. I think that’s a play on words, skull deep as in ear in your skull, plus I used the word case in a different meaning, which could also be a skull. I should be a poet. OK, moving on....

I love the feeling of that soft pillowy freshness going in and cleaning the wax out to my heart’s content.
Oh yes, that kleenex feels good. I would suggest trying it but finish the blog story first.



While living in Japan as a student, I lived with a host family. They found it quite funny that I was into the dollar store (Daiso in Japan) so much. I think due to that, they may have bought me dollar store kleenex. Either that, or it was some crappy Japanese brand, which fell apart as it was being rubbed. At first I was using a Japanese ear cleaner, a hard wooden scraper, but I was tempted to push it in so deep and scratch so much my ears were bleeding inside.



Try that in your ear and see how it feels. I never tried the fluffy end, that seemed "weird" to me. Kleenex is better.

As I was using the Japanese kleenex rolled up into a round shape I felt half of it rip off.
UH OH!
I couldn’t reach it with my fingertips and I couldn’t seem to get it out.
I hoped it might come out if I tilted my head to one side. I banged my head with the other hand as if it was a liquid to get some movement but no dice, just a little brain damage.
It occurred to me that I was an idiot for losing a rolled up piece of kleenex in my ear. To top it off this was not the first time I had lost something in my ear.
I could hear the kleenex pushing deeper inside my ear canal as I tried to reach it. It felt like it was pushing against my eardrum. That’s nice, it was like someone was rolling up a piece of paper inside my eardrum. Then pushing against my eardrum with a pencil, oh fun.
Being the cheap person I am, I didn’t want to go to the doctor. The doctor is very expensive in Japan and I thought it might come out naturally, big mistake there. I just came across an article on the internet when I was looking for a picture for this blogpost and it said “Sometimes little children put things in their ears, bugs, pebbles, dirt. It’s important to have any foreign object removed immediately”.
I informed my host mother I had lost something inside my ear and that I wasn’t going to the doctor. She was not impressed.
My next genius idea was to spray as much water in it as I could. I thought in theory, this should make it all soft and then it was flush out. That didn’t work. As it dried and perhaps started to become harder like papermache, I could hear it drying inside my ear. The sound was magnified x 100.
If I slept on my side I could hear the ocean as the water sloshed back and forth on the kleenex which at that point must have started to be covered in wax.
A week went by. My Japanese listening test scores started to drop. The Japanese teacher asked why. I told her it felt like my one ear was oozing with sweat every time I put the headphones on and I couldn’t hear well. She told me I should go to the doctor. I let her know that I had no intention of going to the doctor regardless of how painful or irritating it got, I had money to save.
I’m good with my money as you can tell, regardless of long term health damage ;-)  .
She told me that she believed a doctor was coming in two more weeks that usually sees students who have monetary issues and there was no charge. I told her that sounded good and got myself signed up. I tried to explain the problem in Japanese. Does it hurt they asked? Well, feels like something is pushing on my eardrum so yes, on top of that I hear weird sounds of the kleenex changing shape and sometimes I can’t hear regular sounds well.
They again suggested I go immediately to the doctor, but I declined.

I waited two weeks. I received a phone call during a Japanese history test to come see the on-site doctor. I informed the teacher I needed to do something and I didn’t know when I’d be back. He said OK.
I went to the Universities head office. I had never been there before. A female doctor asked me what ear. I pointed. She pulled out a huge long metal tong and slowly put it in my ear. I felt some relief as something was plucked from inside my ear. She had heard the story from the staff that I had waited 3 weeks. I assume she thought I was a total idiot because she told me she would give it to me. Most people would just throw it out I thought.
She showed it to me and it was amazing! It was essential an earwax candle. There was a wick in the middle made of hard kleenex / papermache and then on top of that my body had repeatedly created wax to protect me from it. I thought it was pretty cool.
I went back to class during the test carrying it. One of the Hawaiian guys asked how it went.
“Good dude, I have an earwax candle, wanna see?”. I showed it to him and a few other students looked up, they were horrified. “GROSS! THROW IT OUT!”, they yelled. I wish I had kept it, but I threw it out. Perhaps I could have marketed the thing as 100% natural wax.  
Sadly, that wasn’t the first time I had lost something in my ear.
While clubbing in Canada I had put some massive pink earplugs in to save my ears from the loud music. My friends told me it wasn’t cool so the next time I put these round wax skin colour balls in my ears. My friends said it was still visible so I ripped off more and more wax till it just so tiny it just covered my ear hole. Unfortunately it was so small, one of them went inside my ear canal and I couldn’t get it out. My friend suggested I just drink it off.
It didn’t work. The next day as I lay hungover my mother tried to get the ball out with a needle. I hoped she wouldn’t pierce my ear drum.
After a few days I went to the doctor. Medical is free in Canada, oh ya! Even for stupid people.
The doctor used a high pressure water gun to blast it out of my ear. It felt kind of nice, like cleaning the inside out with a kleenex, I contemplated asking for another go with it.
I finally got it out. He told me that was dumb and you should never stick anything bigger than an elbow in your ear.
I agreed with him and promised him I wouldn’t do it ever again.
Then the Japan story happened.

The worst part. It probably won’t be the last time I lose something in my ear.





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My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

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