Love Hotels and CHRISTmas!

Love HOTELS and Christmas!

Never a good time like good old Christmas to make a little love.

Emphasis is not on the Christ I guess.

You see in Japan, Christmas isn't the same as back home, its a time to make jolly but only between two people. Insert some 70's porn music here. babam!

Yes…..exactly.

Santa has been stuffing chimney's. The chimney's aren't clean at this place. He also put a d$ck in a box I heard.

The chimney is stuffed ”per se”.

I’ll go as far as to say the lights will be “turned on”.

Everyone is getting a present. Some big some small.

You never know, you might even lick a candy cane.

There is a whole business in Japan where love hotels that cater to every fantasy exist.

I don’t even want to hear about animals or imagine it. Although I suspect there is even a hotel where you can make Rudolph's nose red if you are into weird Christmas themed stuff.

Someone once told me they saw a Titanic hotel in Tokyo. If you like, you can take your lady (or man) to the deck and throw them off. I mean put your arms around them and tell them sweet nothings (since you are there for only one thing, you know its a tangible gift).

These love hotels can be used anytime of year, but are particularly popular on Dec 25th when all younger couples get down and dirty.

Let's say the snow really falls during that time. Shibang! <--- cool sound effect.

I decided I had to try a love hotel just for the experience. I guess if I was looking to learn everything I should have gone with someone who understood what was happening, but instead I went with my non Japanese speaking wife.

We decided to have our friend lead us to her favourite love hotel. She mentioned that this one had a free cake included with the room which you can help yourself too. Free food! How can you go wrong?

We arrived at our love hotel which was Santa arching his hips in a sexual way. 
OK, I like this. I know a lot of people are getting coal this year.

We walked up to the door.

There were pictures of the rooms. There were some shaded with a Kanji (Chinese character). 
At that time I couldn't read it, but it said occupied. I should have learned that one.

I went up to the little window which had a curtain pulled across it.

“Hi, uhmmm do you take traveller’s cheques?”, I asked.

The curtain was pulled down across the window which felt like I was talking to a wall. I guess they aren’t supposed to know who you are and if you are with with someone else's wife. Nice!
A courtesy which most would appreciate.

I tried to pull the curtain down, which the lady held back in place and said she can’t see me.

I said I wanted to see her.

I mentioned that I was a foreigner and its easier if I can open the curtain. I couldn't think of a valid reason as to why that would help in any way, so I told her I read lips well and I was deaf.

Stupid I thought. But now I realize quite funny actually! And might I add ridiculous?

Ha! As Tigger would say RIDIKULOUS.

She opened the curtain. I asked her to help me chose a room.
“You pick and go to the room”, she explained.

I pressed one button and went up. There were directions in Japanese that was supposed to lead me to the room but my Japanese was terrible (at that time. Although some might argue now still). I tried to open a few occupied doors (I hope no one under-age inside, or the older person just had a heart attack).

Finally I found a door that seemed to be glowing as if to open it.

Once we went in there was Nintendo and a slot machine, I knew I came to the right place!

After we were done (sorry no details, that's called privacy. And yes of age). Let’s go with another Christmas theme and just say "the stockings were filled", if you catch my drift. 
I exited the room. I guess it went by the hour and we had gone over by a few minutes. Whoops.

The machine showed 50000 yen. I thought it meant due and I realized we were going to be in trouble, that was 500 dollars. I didn't know what to do so I ran back in the phone and told the helping lady it was the traveller’s cheques guy again and the machine didn't take traveller’s cheques. She came up and bowed and pretended to cover her eyes. At this point after we had become so chummy I'm not sure why she wanted to continue to play this game.

We paid the $30 and left.

I asked my friend what was with the 50000 yen. He said probably its like a full 24 hour rental or something. I said oh.

I told him thank god it wasn't my total, the lady didn't seem to be down with traveller’s cheques.

Since they didn't have dishes to wash I probably would have had to hand wash the sheets! Ewww!

HA!

Or LOVE HOTELS? I won't sign my name so you won't know who I am though.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Can't Hear,Crap! Big Trouble Little Countryside

Can't Hear? Crap! Big Trouble in Little Countryside

This wasn't her village, but it is a countryside. 

I once went to visit my friend Yoko (that’s her real name not an alias by the way) in the countryside near Tokyo. Her family lived in the suburbs called Chiba. If you're interested its famous for peanuts. Its really the countryside.... like totally.
Cool, I thought, I get to visit the ol’ countryside.
I visited her family home which was a short walk from the station. It looked very traditional from the outside. They seemed to have electricity, how amazing I thought.
Since it was during the Winter holiday she had a lot of family visiting while I was there. There was one elderly aunt she introduced me too who I think may have been hard of hearing (as in completely deaf) and possibly vision impaired as well, because she didn't seem to know I was a gaijin “foreigner”. She spoke to me, asking my family’s last name and my hometown. When I told her Canada, she didn't bat an eye, because I don’t think she heard the response anyway.
Not a big deal except that when I went to use the bathroom I noticed there was no lock on the door. I could slide the door closed and there was a slight gap between the doors so that either person could tell someone was inside without seeing them in their porcelain throne glory. The only problem was if you are blind or close to blind, you can’t see the movement inside, and may think the door is closed due to remaining smells from previous occupants.
As I was trying to have my few minutes of peace, her aunt came to the door and started trying to open it. I tried to hold it closed yelling “Stop! I'm in here” in Japanese. She didn't seem to have any reaction as if she didn't hear me. She knocked on the door. In Japan you knock to see if someone is inside, as they would knock back to indicate yes there is someone in it. I knocked back but since she was deaf that didn't seem to work either. She kept pulling.
For someone so elderly she was pretty strong. That being said, on my side of the door was a tiny round metal handle which I could barely slide two fingers into. If I recall correctly she had a whole handle she could overpower me with. 

Dude, how can I block her when I can only get two fingers in this to block her.

She started to yell “Yoko! Your door seems to be stuck! I can’t get it open”. I yelled too “Yoko help! I'm in the bathroom and your aunt doesn't seem to hear me and has almost got the door open”.
The lactic acid in my fingers was starting to give out. I didn't know if I could hold the door anymore. Her aunt kept mumbling this door is so stiff I can’t get it open.
I resorted to English “LADY STOP! I'm in here, do not come in!”. Finally I could hear Yoko trying to tell her that someone was inside and lead her away. What a relief!
I couldn't continue my business (of porcelain time) due to anymore threats of the door opening. Stage freight I guess. She ruined my moment.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva