Underwear and Departure Time

This is kind of what the airport looked like. Only underwear was flying everywhere.

After three years in Japan, I realized I had acquired a lot of treasure (aka junk). I have a problem with throwing stuff out. I wouldn’t do it (and still won't). I put the bags together of all the things I wouldn't be carrying back to Canada in my suitcases, yes plural. Rubber chicken. Why do I have it and why do I need it in the future? Ten never used ice packs, why do I have so many? Ten rubber balls, what the heck? Am I five years old? Where did they even come from? A pair of women’s panties that say dollar store on them. Was that a gift to me? (from myself to myself?). Maybe I have split personalities.
I contemplating carrying some VHS tapes back, I had acquired about one hundred VHS tapes across the three years (and no not the Xrated versions). Of course, I no longer had a VHS player, but I imagined sometime in the future I could get one. Too bad VHS sucks and they are big and cumbersome. No room in my bags for it.
I gave the three large plastic bags of treasures (junk) to my Mexican-American friend, let’s call him Fernando. I knew he would stay for at least another year in Japan. Like me, he had acquired many things throughout his years and he didn't throw anything out. I knew the rubber chicken would not be going to the trash bin, instead it would continue its life cycle of uselessness.

I thought about keeping it. I'm sure I could use it somehow in the future. Or not!

As I packed my bags for home, I decided I should bring my desktop computer. The only problem was it was massive. I dismembered it (and by that I mean disassembled), and packed it in pieces.
Now for clothes. I don’t know why exactly but I had a lot of tighty whities and boxers. I guess because compared to Canada they were one of the only things that were relatively cheap. I could buy a pair at the dollar store (Daiso in Japan). I bought so many pairs I thought they would last years to come or more likely based on their quality, rip in half very soon.
I sent eight boxes full of stuff back to Canada by boat (the cheapest way possible). I still had over packed, and then even though I had read the weight restriction was 30 pounds, my wife had seen a note saying an additional $20 for $20 more pounds. Seemed so cheap so I made all my luggage weigh 50 pounds. Maybe I could put a small child in my bags too to pay for my ticket!
When we got to the airport to check in, there was a large line. To top it off, we didn't arrive early enough and I was super stressed. When we got to the front of the line the Japanese-American service clerk weighed my bag. “This bag is 50 pounds! The max is 25 pounds”. I was like WTF. I informed him the website said an additional $20 for 20 pounds. “Are you kidding me?”, he answered. I wasn't sure that was polite to a seven star General (I just made that up!). He said there was no way it was possible and he couldn't even calculate how much it would cost to go over the 25 pound limit in his head in costs. I was like oh shi$. He told us we better repack our bags. I started throwing my stuff everywhere. Since underwear weighed the least I decided to remove some of the heavier computer parts (motherboard, hard drive). I started throwing my underwear everywhere, all over the desk, on the floor, on peoples feet behind me. I could hear the older Japanese ladies laughing in line.
I was laughing too, I couldn't remember if I had washed any of those underwear! The joke was on them.
After fifteen minutes our Mission Impossible became Mission Possible. Maybe I'll get a new eight star General ranking? We ran like hell to the postal outlet at the airport. We were lucky they even had one there. I threw computer parts, my LCD monitor, my Playstation 2 etc into the box. I actually had to buy the boxes there, so I bought the cheapest ones (surprise). I hoped everything would be OK when it arrived in Canada delayed a few weeks after I would arrive.
When I rebuilt the computer at home, sparks shot out of the motherboard. Seems some fuses blew and parts of the motherboard has cracked in transit.
The only good news is it still seemed to function, although it smelled like an electrical fire for a few months. My nose lost some smell after being near it for long enough.
Oh and as for the underwear, I decided to play it safe and wash all of them for once.

I took the high road and washed all of them. They were fine I'm sure. Kind of like this one. Looks clean right? Just turn it inside out my friend Ken always tells me.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

30,000 dollars Bank Heist, Minus the Theft Part

 $30,000 Bank Heist, Minus the Heist

Money I like money! I wish I had some money right now. All gone!

As I geared up to leave Japan after three years I contemplated what to do with my buckets of money. And by buckets I mean a lot. But don’t try to rob me its all gone now. As the saying goes "Never trust a man with the money, you can be guaranteed it will be spent on drugs, alcohol, gambling or wasted on things they don’t need", like in my case.
Yes, even after spending large amounts of cash across three years at the dollar store (I almost went everyday) I had managed to save quite a bit believe it or not. $30,0000 is quite impressive if I can toot my own horn.
I’ll never forget the first day when I bought 100 items and the teacher said “I’ve never seen anyone buy so much at the dollarstore”. I smiled and told him, “And that’s just today, I’m planning to come back tomorrow!”. And the best part. I did!
As you may know I was on the JET Programme which is a Japanese government sponsored program.
A lot of people are able to save a lot of money since we were paid fairly well and in most cases, our apartment or living rental is subsidized. I knew of a few people who were able to to pay off their University loans. In my case, I just collected the buckets of money and dreamed of dollarstore glory.
So what should I do with the money I thought. How should I transfer it or should I just carry it in my suitcase, so it will be like a drug deal. When they ask me at the airport how I got all that money, I’ll be like, “Well, I Taught English for three years. I basically got paid to be beaten”.They would probably arrest me and say, "Must be drug money, there is no way you can get beaten in Japan by students, they are too nice". Not at my school.
The exchange rate was terrible! In fact it was the worst it had been since I had arrived in Japan.
Me, being the person I am, was not prepared to lose any money on the exchange rate. I was thinking I could make money on the exchange rate. If I waited long enough.
How long though, I didn’t even want to think about.
My final decision was to sit on the money, literally and figuratively. I thought since I had a post office (bank) account I would put all my money in the post office bank account (no fee to hold it), give someone I trusted my post office bank card (preferably someone rich so they don’t want to steal my money)  and for them to send it to me when the exchange rate was better.
The only issues I had was that my approximately $30,000 dollars was sitting in a different bank account across town and they wanted me to pay to transfer it. Ridiculous I thought! Who pays to have money transferred (I guess they do everywhere I found out later).. I’m a loyal customer of three years, the least they can do is transfer it for me. So I showed up during my last few days. I brought my ID and told them, “Hi, I’d like my $30,000 dollars please”. They suggested I transfer it and pay the $20 for the transfer. Seriously? I lose $20! I could buy twenty things the dollarstore with that.
I told them no, I want cash.
They prepared the bills in my bulletproof case (that's a joke about bulletproof case) and asked if I was OK. I said ya no problem and tossed the $30,000 into my old backpack. Now, had I been in the United States, or possibly Canada I may not have done this. Walking around with $30,000 is a bit of a risk.
To make the risk even greater I had ridden (rode?) my scooter. Plus my backpack was so old the zippers weren't staying together. Not to worry I thought, should be fine. Maybe.

This bag should hold the money well I thought.  The odd hole, hopefully no money will fall out.

I started up my scooter and drove to the other side of town. Since it was probably the last day I would get to use my scooter I gunned it, thinking about how I won’t be able to enjoy the wind through my hair again, nor the typhoons and rain in my eyes. I had forgotten the bag wasn’t closed very well.
I arrived at the post office. The teller asked what I’d like to do. I told her deposit $30,000 dollars.
She was like OK nonchalantly. I pulled my backpack off and noticed the zipper was open more than hallway, whoops!
There was a man standing pretty close behind me as well, so I was lucky he hadn’t put his hand in and taken any.Its OK though, he's Japanese I doubt he would.
She counted the money as I hoped to high hell it was all there.
I waited another three years before the exchange rate was what I considered good enough to transfer. I ended up paying 50$ per $10,000 to send to Canada, so $150.
In the end I paid more for waiting then the damn $20 to have to it transferred to the post office and avoid any risk. Plus I could have just taken it with me and lost less money on the exchange rate.
Oh damn, just my luck!
$150 to transfer! Can you believe that. Damn I could have bought 150 things at the dollarstore!

It's basically my Disneyland. Where dreams come true.  $1 everything!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva