The sound of death, its not that nice!

The sound of death, its not that nice

What’s that sound? Its like popcorn popping. Oh wait, that’s the sound inside my spine. No one else can hear it? That can’t be good.

Pop pop went my neck. Wonderful!

Oh the joy of pain.

Incase you haven’t read previous blogposts of mine, I don’t enjoy pain, and yet pain seems to follow me like an angel sitting on my shoulder. Only the opposite. A devil poking me with his 3 pronged poker. And razor blades attached to the ends.

The devil poking me in the neck, or actually spine.

So here is the story of the time I broke my neck, sorta.

I had been attending Judo quite regularly. 

If you aren't sure what that is short version is, its throws, sweeps, chokes, holds, strangulation and armlocks. There are no kicks or punches despite Austin Powers and his "JUDO CHOP!".

I mentioned I was going regularly. While I’d like to say I was getting good, that’s not quite true. I was getting good at armlocks and chokes. Possible due to some influence from my Brazilian friends who did Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). My throws were terrible. They probably wondered why I was learning about as fast as a rock.

Well there was one teacher and he really didn't like gaijin (foreigners). I could tell this by the way he looked at me. I always felt like if he saw me in the alley he’d hit me on the head with a crowbar if he could. I always tried to rush out either before or after him, in hopes he didn't bring a crowbar behind me. I'd usually bike away at low speeds on my granny bike (up to 1km/ hour).

In his Japanese way, he liked to pretend to be nice to me (with a smile no less), but I felt deep down it was all "for show".

One night I caught him in a choke. He submitted. I've never seen him submit before. He got mad and the look on his face suddenly changed. No more Mr. Niceguy (or fake nice guy). He started getting really aggressive with me. Sadly for me, I'm kind of wimpy (as in bones and no muscles), so it doesn't take much to crunch me like a peanut. And a peanut I became.

There are legal / illegal and inbetween moves in Judo. I think the move he did on me was more illegal with borderline half legal written all over it.

I tried to armlock him while I was on my back, he pushed my legs towards my neck and grabbed my hands underneath my back. I couldn't breath since I was crunched,  I couldn't make a sound as my lungs were deflated like a whoopie cushion. I couldn't tap with my hands, couldn't tap with my feet, and realized my neck was starting to spin like I was an owl. I felt like those ghosts in movies who can turn their heads all the way around, only mine wasn't supposed to due to me still being alive.
But that was OK cause I was about to die and then it would be normal.

He applied more pressure to my legs which were now against my shoulders pinning me. My neck was twisting and slowly bending the wrong way.
Since I wasn't breathing the good news was I was seeing colours. My neck was being bent and I couldn't use any neck muscle to prevent it from snapping. I felt the muscles tear (a wonderful feeling I might add, NOT!!).
I realized I was about to die and quite a painful way to go. If only I had a few more seconds before everything went black and also before my head popped off (almost like a Jack in the deathbox).
I heard some crunching like someone stepped on twigs. Maybe I was being sacrificed to the Judo Gods.
Then, I realized it was my neck.
The Judo teacher stopped and asked if I was OK. I realized I was still able to move but it felt like I was in a trance. No not good I said.
I rolled off the mats, at least I could still move.
The bad news was my trance was ending and the pain rushed in. If I was in Canada I would have called 911 but I was in Japan so I forgot the emergency number.
I biked home with my head and neck ringing and crunching.
Every time I moved I felt like someone was holding my head down and something was snapping within my spine.

For the only time in my life I wished I were an owl. I might live with my neck like that.

I did something stupid the next day.
I rode my scooter to school. If I was smart I would have taken my bicycle but I was late and in pain.
I got on my scooter and put my super heavy motorcycle helmet on. I felt like my spine was being compressed like the pressure of the bottom of the ocean in 10,000 leagues under the sea (never saw it, but I did see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which was not as bad as the reviews said).

The helmet was heavy on my neck already without it being broken. 

I got to work and realized I was having problems keeping my head off my desk.
I went to the Doctor and told them my neck hurt and explained the injury.
They told me I had broken my neck. They strapped me down to a bed.
I said "Listen I rode here on a scooter and I wore a motorcycle helmet, my neck can't be broken".
The Doctor checked my neck and said he can't detect broken bones but I need an MRI to check for smaller cracks or cartilage damage.
In the meantime he said he explained in the worst case scenario its a small bone. 
If its cartilage, in theory it should heal.
It didn't.
MRI showed some tissue damage C4-C5 but no broken bones.

My neck hurts still 6 years later, I feel like I have the neck of a 90 year old with severe arthritis.
I even asked Santa once for a new neck, but sadly I didn't get one.


On the plus side I don't take painkillers anymore.
On the negative side I don't feel "high" from the painkillers anymore.

On the plus side I didn't die.
On the negative side, I wanted to die from the pain many times.


HA!


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Aikido Pain is But Englightenment

Ouch!
Dude it hurts, seriously.

I never thought much about Aikido when I was a kid. I remember my Japanese teacher (who was white and not Japanese) used to tell us Aikido was a bit fake, when people pretended they threw ki balls (energy balls like hadoken from Street Fighter) and the other person pretends to fall over.
The only person who does a version that actually seems violent and isn't fake is Steven Seagal. Although he's a bit washed up these days.

My friend Brandon wanted me to go to Aikido but I wasn't very keen on it. It happened to be at the same gym where I was doing Judo, so I thought the location is good at least even though the martial art isn't.

I snickered while people did these complicated moves thinking how I could throw them mock 5 (the speed of light) on their face. As I snickered, an old Japanese man was standing in the corner not doing much. I wasn't sure who he was, since there was another Sensei (teacher) teaching the class.
I think he saw me snickering. He called me over and told me to grab his wrists. After a delay of about 3 seconds I was screaming. I felt like my wrist bone was cracking. And by cracking I mean like the wishbone of a chicken.
If a 70 year old can take you down, it must be somewhat legit.

That shiz seriously hurts. Unless you have a serious knack of pain don't snicker in class.

I wasn't into the enlightenment part or into wooden weapons but that's cause my body is already like weapon, sharp and deadly. I'm like the Beverly Hills Ninja.

Take Chris Farley and divide by 3, I'm 1/3 of his size, but even a better ninja!

We did self reflection stuff, and meditation etc, which I had no interest in. All I wanted to do was kickass. Or to be precise get my ass kicked, and my ass I mean wrists cracked like wishbones.

A lot of the moves were kind of complicated and I kept being told my movements seemed very Judo-ish. I was like ya cause I did 10 years of Judo.

Finally there was a bald headed dude. I thought he was a monk. A monk of pain. Instead of nirvana he wanted to create his own nirvana, void of foreigners. I thought he wanted to kill me.
His wrists were the size of two legs. When he told me to grab his wrists my hand wouldn't go half way around.
Ha! Even now I'm laughing about it.
He looked like a monk with this grin, always laughing, knowing he could snap me in two.

That monk of pain was legit. He liked to hurt people or at least foreigners. He was nice to girls though.

Although I thought Judo was better overall I learned a few useful pain techniques. Which I often practice on my wife and child (kidding!!).
My wrists still crack occasionally to this day due to my Aikido training.
I think they gave me early arthritis.

Or maybe I should say wishboneristis. Ha! Lame.



Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Broken Bones, Broken Homes

From Broken Bones, to Broken Homes

Its not that bad, I should be OK to fight.

I think the title makes it sound like some sort of abuse. I guess in some ways it was.
As I mentioned in previous posts I had a teacher at my school that weighed over 150kgs, which is over 300 pounds. He was a big boy!
He told me to come to his club in Omihachiman, so I did. He was like the marshmallow man only scarier. And I couldn't eat him (technically).

The Evil Marshmallow man. I think if I saw him I'd just eat his legs.

When I was a kid in high school my Judo teacher used to say “Unless you fight the best you can’t become the best”. Good analogy I thought, except when it almost kills you.
You would think that if someone is so much better than you, they have a lot of control and so can prevent someone else from getting hurt.
The large Judo guy I mentioned above was a bit of racist. He liked to mumble “Damn Gaijin!” a lot. He seemed to not enjoy foreigners that much. He enjoyed throwing me on the mats and telling me I was a wimp (which is true). If he thought that would make me go harder, he thought wrong. It didn't turn me into an angry frenzy to fight back. It made me become tired and less aggressive because I knew it was true. Alas, with my 125 lbs frame and zero muscle I was The WEAKEST LINK. I'd vote myself out of the tribe if I was on Survivor.
There was one massive guy at the club who was bigger than this guy, so I guesstimate his weight to be about 340 lbs. They say that in Judo, regardless of size anyone can win, if you are good enough. My issue. That’s simple. I wasn't good enough.
He asked to go with me, and I thought of the motto go against the best so I said OK. He was so big I couldn't move him. He tried to throw me and I blocked. Then he used his weight to force me into the ground but since he was using his weight he landed on me since I was resisting. Crap!
I couldn't breathe at all. Felt like someone, in this case a two ton marshmallow man, had just crushed my lungs. My diaphragm failed to inflate again. My Judo teacher who was the only big guy started yelling at me “Get up wimp! Damn gaijin! All weak”. I tried to get up but something didn't feel right. He grabbed me by the scruff of my judogi (Judo outfit) and pulled me to the side of the mat like I was a rag-doll. I rolled to my side but couldn't get up, I figured I must have torn a muscle. Slowly I got up, the big monster Judo guy, said one more round. Again he threw me the same way and landed on me. I thought he must hate me, since normally in practice you don’t land on people, especially since there was over 160 lbs weight difference. He must have known he was hurting me. Ah, the joy of racism and beatdowns.
I continued the rest of practice being thrown by various people. Everytime I got thrown I felt like my wind was getting knocked out of me (and perhaps my brain cells as well). When I got home, I decided to ice the area to heal the torn muscle. Didn't seem to help. Every time I laughed, moved or lifted, I felt sharp pain.
Three weeks of pain went by and I continued going to Judo. I figured a torn muscle should have healed by now (if I had stopped Judo maybe it would I also thought), being thrown repeatedly wasn't good for it. I thought I saw a protrusion from my skin a few times, and it felt hard. After many people suggested I go get it checked out, I finally did.
I went to the nearest hospital. I told them I had hurt my side, maybe muscle in Judo. She asked when. I said three weeks ago. And she asked “It hurts still?”. Hell yes it does.
After waiting two hours I was put in a room with two young male doctors. I wondered if they were interns. “I wish Tanaka sensei was here. He speaks English”, they kept repeating to each other.
Ummm, hello I speak Japanese, not perfect, but enough to communicate.
“Umm, Hi Doc, my rib hurts, maybe muscle”, I said. “I wish Doctor Tanaka was here, he speaks English”, they answered. Ummm is he going to repeat this forever I thought.
He felt my rib and said we need to take an X-ray. “It seem your ribs are broken and maybe your brain too”. No, that second part isn't true (at least not he couldn't tell by the X-ray about my brain). He shows me the X-ray, and tells me my rib broke in the middle. Uhh, that didn't sound good. He told me that it was split like a wishbone in half and poking out. He even drew me a picture. If only Dr.Tanaka was here could explain it to me better he said. Haha, repeating jokes, I like. I'm very simple.
“Well not much we can do. Broken ribs tend to heal themselves. You must have been in a lot of pain for three weeks. I can wrap them but it won’t really do anything after three weeks”.
I half ass thanked him and headed home (I should have told him Dr.Tanaka would have fixed it if he was there).
I decided against doing Judo where I might get thrown for a month. I did however continue to do groundwork where my friends would use their knees into my stomach and broken rib. It never seemed to heal. I guess that’s why.
After six years it still hurts. My mom told me its phantom pain, that I'm just making it up. I'm not sure for what purpose I’d make up pain. I'd rather not have it. I tried yoga-ing it out to no results.
I haven’t been doing Judo recently due to my six year old broken ribs and broken neck.
Broken neck story to come later.
I tried to go to a less contact sport like soccer but I hear a cracking sound when I run and if I try to head the ball, I feel like someone hit me on the head with a baseball bat. 
I can't win.

He must have something broken for that pain. Maybe neck and rib like me? Maybe I'll become a blogger, its safer.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva