Look for Trouble It Finds You!

I recently watched some YouTube video's about Yakuza, aka the Underworld (not the movie, the actual underworld). Lifestyles of the real nightlife in Japan. FYI I see there is a new Underworld movie about to be released (the trailers look deceivingly good. The story kinda plateaued for me, then dropped faster than Felix Baumgartner from the stratosphere).

I remember my High School Japanese teacher (who I mentioned many times is a white guy) seemed to have all sorts of trouble with the Underworld. I hope his stories were true (there as no vampires in them). Even if they weren't, they were highly entertaining and led me down a path to the dark side. You might call him (Darth VADER!) and he is not my father (that I'm aware!)

In these YouTube videos a couple American guys are talking about drinking and clubbing and looking for girls. They don't care if the girls have boyfriends or not. That seems to be where the problem starts (foreshadow. It doesn't matter what country you are in, that won't end well, and no I don't know from experience).

One guy states "Those MOFO's do NINJA sh#t to kick our asses! They are always training to beat someone". I laughed, its a statement with semi truth.

Watch out you will never see them coming!

Let me emphasize you NEVER judge a book by its cover. You might be thinking this nerdy mofo who is 5 feet tall, can't do sh#t, then ninja’s might pop out at you. And he undoes his suit and inside he has ninja clothes on, swords and throwing stars.

The samurai spirit or mentality is still alive in Japan. As I mentioned in previous posts I saw some mofo’s do some crazy “Ninja” sh#t.

I saw people get choked out, arm breaks at judo. My own ribs and almost neck break (and I'm 5 feet tall and 100 pounds).
I saw little old men with no muscle do wrist locks or me and other people and make them scream like little girls (I usually scream that way in all honesty). It was impressive to say the least (and I have the marks on my body to prove it). Let me know if you can find out any voodoo techniques to pass those body marks to someone else (or if you met Dr.Strange. I'm not sure he's real yet, I'll check out his Marvel documentary to make sure his magic is legit).

In Japan a lot of children learn Judo or other martial arts. The school I taught at only had Judo, but they did a workshop on SUMO (I wasn't interested in seeing the loincloth on myself or others so I skipped it). Other schools may also have karate, kendo, aikido etc. There must be some that teach how to throw ninja stars called "shuriken" in Japanese. I hope they don't lace them with poison, kids would be dropping left and right.
After school those kids (or shall I say mofo's) are still training the same martial art or a different one. So they train day, night, weekend. Of course they are going to be proficient (aka able to kick ass with ninja sh$t). This should come as no surprise.

Let me express that there are no MCDojo's in Japan. If you don't get that word let me break it down for you.

Hmm, only a few months to get a black belt, must be legit!

You cannot buy your belt in Japan, you have to earn it. In Canada, there are a couple companies (especially karate based ones, don't wanna mention names or I may have a lawsuit coming).
People pay to buy each belt. 
In Japan, at minimum you must put the time in. There are many crappy lower level black belts, but it doesn't mean they didn't spend 1000's of hours training (and doing ninja sh$t too).
A black belt of lower rank is seen as the beginning of the path, but here its seen as the end.
Once you are higher ranked, your skills will be so good, you may be learnt how to be invisible and touch of death (that's sarcasm, so don't expect it to be real, as for the Marvel Universe and Dr.Strange's magic the jury is still out).

So the moral of the story is simple, you might think that you being muscular and 6 ft 1, with 200 + pounds on a little scrawny Japanese guy means something, but it doesn't.

If you throw gas on the flame and try to steal someone's girlfriend, you may be in for a beating (and I may join in too).
Just cause you are a gaijin (foreigner) doesn't mean you have the right to be an as$hole.

Heed my words grasshoppers, for I am the ancient one (just like in the Dr.Strange movie, like how I used that three plus times?) By the way, the ancient one (in the comics) is supposed to be Asian but they hired a white for it. That's nice. 
Hollywood is so with the times ;-)
On that note since its almost election time in the U.S. so is Trump. LOL!

LOL. And this guy might be President? You Americans are so funny.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6hudSMxomg

Other funny stories from this blog 

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )

http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 

My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)

http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Tentacles and Testicles yum!

 Tentacles and Testicles yum!

A lot of Japanese think Gaijin (foreigners) are weird. And let’s face it, they aren’t wrong.

If you’ve lived in Japan, you would probably agree that they are more than a few messed up gaijin. By a few, I mean like as in almost all. Very few normal. Most are completely off their rocker.

They aren't just weird to the people of Japan. They are weird to me too. I wouldn't be caught dead being friends with a lot of them in Canada. This is the story of one of those types of individuals.

For some reason Japan is like a magnet for weird gaijin.

They are attracted to Japan like slugs are to beer (only faster! And that’s a useful tip about slugs should you be having problems with them in your garden, they get drunk and die).

So why do the weirdos conjugate in Japan?

That’s a question that’s hard to answer. but I think it has to do with a wide variety of fetishes.

In my case the apple didn’t fall from the tree.

I thought I was a samurai and could carry a sword around and occasionally fight ninja. To my dismay, neither exist anymore (total bummer). I did carry a broom stick around and pretended it was a sword a few times. I contemplated pretending I was Harry Potter and riding a broomstick too, but then I remembered I'm not six years old (another bummer!).

On the other side of the spectrum (or street), you will find people who have a fetish for anything, Be it manga, anime, cosplay, videos games, Japanese girls, tea, martial arts. Whatever floats your boat as they say.  

Japan has something to offer every nerd, weirdo or nut.

I remember about a guy who was sitting with a bunch of girls at a bar (my wife with him. She’s not Japanese by the way). While the girls were in mid talk he said “Does anyone like tentacle porn?”. I can’t imagine someone with a correctly functioning brain saying that. He must have had a few screws loose. I guess he already wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

I thought common sense dictates you don’t ask a girl if they like porn. Chances are they don’t. And even if they do they aren't going to tell you. And tentacles? Common dude. Why would a girl like tentacles? You are into some weird stuff (might I offer you a broomstick and you can pretend you are Harry Potter?).

Not the kind of stuff I'm into, but other people are.

As for tentacle porn you would have to be pretty mentally sick to be into that (I wasn't. For once I wasn't into something demented). I had to look it up and I wasn't really sure what it meant, but after reading about it, its worse than I could have imagined.

Its just tentacles and porn. And by tentacles I mean like octopus tentacles and just the tentacles in sexual acts, seriously its twisted, more twisted than a pretzel (lame joke I know).

And this gruesome question asked to five lovely ladies. Pfffft!!!

I guess the tentacles was the fetish that attracted him to Japan.

I knew he was pretty messed up but I can’t blame him a lot of people were. I knew some dudes who were playing Warhammer 2909 and dungeons and dragons in their closets and they were adults. Not cool.

Sadly I went down this road and am scarred (and scared too) for life.

On a side-note which has nothing to do with this story except the word octopus tentacles.

I was at a restaurant one time and they had a menu with limited English. All seemed well until I came to tako wasa, octopus tentacles which was translated as octopus testicles.

I wasn't sure I wanted to test it incase the English translation was correct.

I ate it anyways. It tasted what I imagined testicles to taste like.

A rubbery texture like skin and takes a lot of chewing.  

Gross.

Is this what your children are playing with? Better than eating them raw.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Is Batman a Ninja?

Is Batman a Ninja?  

Night, Dark Knight, throwing stars, he must be a Ninja!

I used to say to my students in Japanese, “Are you are a ninja?”. They would all mumble something I couldn’t hear while I would be thinking how cool it would be to be a ninja.
I finally started asking them what they were saying, since it was always too quiet for me to hear. A few of the boys told me that no one says that, since its not cool. Unless you are 5 years old. That also reminds of the time when I wrote sweatpants when I was 15 year old and this school mate told me, “Dude! Sweatpants? Seriously!? Those were cool when you are 5!”. I continued to wear sweatpants till I was 20. Anyways..........

This guy is cool, wearing sweatpants at age 50.  Read his sign.

I couldn’t grasp the idea that something can’t be cool. so when I asked the students why. They would tell me Ninjas have no morals or code of honor. I couldn’t believe that. I always liked the movie AMERICAN NINJA and Beverly Hills Ninja. They were Ninja and somehow tied it into the American way. Too bad it wasn’t the Canadian way!
This is a lesson here. Do not ever tell people in Japan you want to be a ninja!
I imagined sneaking around throwing shuriken (throwing stars) at people, climbing up buildings, using a reed straw to breath underwater, becoming invisible with my mind. How could it get any cooler than that?  I recall as a teenage my Japanese class High School teacher FITZ (who was Caucasian) used to always say he was a ninja. He told us he could kill people without them even knowing he was there. Ya I thought, that dude is totally right. Well, just to let you know, Japanese people don’t think ninjas are that cool. Kids might when young, but their history is not as cool as you think. Mostly they were kind of countryside people who would use whatever they had on hand as weapons to kill or maim advisories. As time went by, they become specialized mercenaries for hire. They trained in secret, and were somewhat the opposite of Samurai. If you tell someone you want to be a ninja, its like saying “I want to learn how to stab people in the back and be dishonorable”. Instead of facing my enemy, I use darkness to conceal myself and throw little sharp metal objects that are totally annoying but probably won’t kill. It will just blind people, and therefore cause dishonor to them for the rest of their lives. Still cool?

Well yes, a little. Plus, how you resist that you get to wear black and cover your face. Its like batman or something,  wearing black, using night to conceal, scaring people with awesomeness. Wait! Is Batman a ninja? A ninja of night justice? He punishes those that don’t do what’s right and throws metal batarangs at them. I guess he is!

An unskilled Ninja.

Anyways, back to story at hand. Is it cool to be a ninja? Hmmm maybe not? You know what actually on second thought who am I kidding? It's always cool to be a ninja.  Yes, because you get to be all secretive and do cool stuff, but at the same time it's not honorable or right and sometimes being a rebel is cool. Who believes in doing what’s right all the time, besides I’m a Canadian after all. You know us and our reputations.  
The long story short is even though in the West we think Ninjas are the coolest things, its not necessarily the same in Japan. In addition, real Ninjas don’t exist anymore. Except Batman.

Ninja vanish, I’m out and you didn’t even notice.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva