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Monday, December 23, 2013

Tentacles and Testicles yum!

 Tentacles and Testicles yum!


A lot of Japanese think Gaijin (foreigners) are weird. And let’s face it, they aren’t wrong.
If you’ve lived in Japan, you would probably agree that they are more than a few messed up gaijin. By a few, I mean like as in almost all. Very few normal. Most are completely off their rocker.
They aren't just weird to the people of Japan. They are weird to me too. I wouldn't be caught dead being friends with a lot of them in Canada. This is the story of one of those types of individuals.


For some reason Japan is like a magnet for weird gaijin.
They are attracted to Japan like slugs are to beer (only faster! And that’s a useful tip about slugs should you be having problems with them in your garden, they get drunk and die).


So why do the weirdos conjugate in Japan?
That’s a question that’s hard to answer. but I think it has to do with a wide variety of fetishes.
In my case the apple didn’t fall from the tree.
I thought I was a samurai and could carry a sword around and occasionally fight ninja. To my dismay, neither exist anymore (total bummer). I did carry a broom stick around and pretended it was a sword a few times. I contemplated pretending I was Harry Potter and riding a broomstick too, but then I remembered I'm not six years old (another bummer!).
On the other side of the spectrum (or street), you will find people who have a fetish for anything, Be it manga, anime, cosplay, videos games, Japanese girls, tea, martial arts. Whatever floats your boat as they say.  
Japan has something to offer every nerd, weirdo or nut.


I remember about a guy who was sitting with a bunch of girls at a bar (my wife with him. She’s not Japanese by the way). While the girls were in mid talk he said “Does anyone like tentacle porn?”. I can’t imagine someone with a correctly functioning brain saying that. He must have had a few screws loose. I guess he already wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
I thought common sense dictates you don’t ask a girl if they like porn. Chances are they don’t. And even if they do they aren't going to tell you. And tentacles? Common dude. Why would a girl like tentacles? You are into some weird stuff (might I offer you a broomstick and you can pretend you are Harry Potter?).
Not the kind of stuff I'm into, but other people are.


As for tentacle porn you would have to be pretty mentally sick to be into that (I wasn't. For once I wasn't into something demented). I had to look it up and I wasn't really sure what it meant, but after reading about it, its worse than I could have imagined.
Its just tentacles and porn. And by tentacles I mean like octopus tentacles and just the tentacles in sexual acts, seriously its twisted, more twisted than a pretzel (lame joke I know).
And this gruesome question asked to five lovely ladies. Pfffft!!!
I guess the tentacles was the fetish that attracted him to Japan.
I knew he was pretty messed up but I can’t blame him a lot of people were. I knew some dudes who were playing Warhammer 2909 and dungeons and dragons in their closets and they were adults. Not cool.


Sadly I went down this road and am scarred (and scared too) for life.

On a side-note which has nothing to do with this story except the word octopus tentacles.
I was at a restaurant one time and they had a menu with limited English. All seemed well until I came to tako wasa, octopus tentacles which was translated as octopus testicles.
I wasn't sure I wanted to test it incase the English translation was correct.
I ate it anyways. It tasted what I imagined testicles to taste like.
A rubbery texture like skin and takes a lot of chewing.  
Gross.


Is this what your children are playing with? Better than eating them raw.


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel 
(makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva



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