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Monday, March 25, 2013

I Can See You Naked!

Little more spring in my hot spring

Too hot for me, cool it down
Too hot to traught
I got more than I asked for
I think I’m blind, naked men and onsens
Medussa just turned me to stone
Standing out like a sore thumb
The full monty hotspring style
Good luck with the wolves

I can see you naked!!

These are words you never want to hear unless you a stripper. Let me assure you I am no stripper folks, unless sexy is considered a hairy monkey (I think that was only in the 70’s). I don’t find it hot myself, but hey, different strokes for different folks as they say.

In Japan most people are not ashamed of their naked bodies. Especially for onsens aka hotsprings which are divided by sex (Yes please! ha) so most people are fine flaunting their wares. Myself? I'm a bit self conscious about my naked torso being examined by eyes and the occasional area by a microscope.
That being said, perhaps if I could blend in a little better (and be Asian), and not stand out so much I wouldn't be as self conscious regarding the stares at my privates.
I had a few Chinese-Canadian friends and they didn't look different. Smooth sailing for them. They blended in like ninja’s in the dark. For me, a big white hairy ape, that wasn't going to work. I was like the moon blocking the sun, only the full eclipse.
Even I admit I'm not hot, look at my coat of hair.

When I was given my 4 inch towel at the front desk I asked what its for. Oh to cover your privates they told me. Ummmm? It’s a 4 inch square what am I supposed to do with that? I know some things are bigger in the West but this is ridiculous. It’s like covering the Eiffel tower with a stop sign. It’s not going to work.
I did my usual fake smile and thanked the lady. As we entered into the main area, I was informed we needed to rub ourselves with soap and wash it all off. As I happily sloshed soap all over myself and the two random people beside me (mostly soap in their eyes) I forgot of all my worries. I didn't care that the people beside me were getting blinded by soap. No, I was like a child in a bubble bath with his rubber ducky.
Rub a dub dub Mofo’s.
When I stood up I looked down to see soap bubbles and a pile of my hair (it looked like enough that I could knit a wig together). Gross!
Rub a dub dub mofo's!

As I started to walk everyone in the entire place turned to look at me. I would have hoped in the eyes, but nope, straight to the privates. I wonder how a stripper feels? I held my 4 inch towel as close as I could trying to cover the Eiffel tower. No magnifying glass needed for this area ladies. More like a demagnifier (if those exist).
I jumped into the water, apparently a no no in hotsprings and sprayed people in the eyes with my displaced water (at least its not soap I guess). I noticed a large rock wall behind us, approx double my height. I jumped again into the water off of it and I think I yelled out "Oh ya!". Then, “I can see you” a voice I recognized SAID. It was a girl’s voice! I looked around ashamed as I thought someone was watching me do cannonballs into this order laden society with my skin flapping in the wind. Oh sh$t!
I darted my eyes around trying to figure out who was watching me, other than the fifty or so men in various pools of hotspring water staring at my junk. And possibly the junk in my trunk (that means other area of privates for you non Black Eyed Peas fans).
I hoped she couldn't see through the wall and that no male had someone managed to drill a hole through the cement to see them.
The voice was my host-sister. I was super embarrassed to imagine that she was watching me.
After doing a Batman style investigation of my surroundings and verified she wasn't watching me I realized she meant to say “I can hear you”, but made a mistake with the English.

Her mistake could have been worse. Or maybe this isn't a mistake.

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Other funny stories from this blog

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)

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(makes no sense just like my blog)

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