Four Weddings and a Funeral Minus Three Weddings

Four Weddings and a Funeral Minus Three Weddings

Wow, how to be classy. I didn't do that. Mine was probably worse.

I've never been good at math plus the title "Four Weddings and a Funeral" seemed catchy. The problem being, there was only one wedding not four, but ah, just a few numbers off. 
I think there was a movie title like that with Hugh Grant.

Anywho..

I did go to a wedding and a funeral in Japan. Both were a little strict. I always think of weddings as a blast, but Japanese Shinto ones are a little overly dramatic and you need to follow rules.
You have to say certain things which I don't recall (and I just mumbled ra ra ra a few times), since I didn't understand. You are also supposed to drink sake from a plate at a set time but I misunderstood and drank it as soon as I saw it (bad luck x 1000 for the couple maybe?). Whoops!

Traditional Snowmen funeral. Bucket and all. Shinto is similar, in the fact they both like the colour white.

The funeral was similar except it was a Buddhist funeral and I messed up majorly, so I was laughing during the funeral procession. We were supposed to light incense and put it in this kind of sand area, but mine got too hot so I put it on the wood table and it started to smoke the wood. Luckily they blamed it on my foreign "Gaijin-ness" when in fact it was because I'm an idiot.

I should have tried this at the traditional Shinto wedding, but with sake.

Incidentally I confused the Japanese character for my honourable condolences, to congrats on your honourable wedding. The Japanese/ Chinese character for honourable is the same, and I didn't recognize the other two, so I figured they were interchangeable.
Someone mentioned you can buy this special envelope at any grocery store, so I figured what the hell (what the hay for you younger people) why not buy one there. The same person mentioned you are supposed to put money inside of it. I found out later the quality of the bill matters as well. If you are congratulating someone you must ensure its a new bill crisp and flat. If its for a funeral you have to give an old crumpled ratty tat tat bill (aka heavily used). Who knew?
Naturally at the funeral I gave the wrong bill, a brand new crisp bill indicating they last forever (which might mean they will stay a hungry ghost?). Whoops!

As I handed him the envelope he gave me a strange look, as if shocked. He had seen the wrong characters I guess. 
I had forgotten the set phrase I was supposed to say to him so I decided to say something that sounded somewhat similar "I hope you get through your sickness, it won't last forever." Smooth recovery I thought. 
Or maybe not.

I'm sure for him this was a WTF moment. First, this stupid foreigner comes to his families funeral. He nearly burns down the ancient Buddhist temple, he gives an envelope with a small amount of money (that may have been another issue too) and to top it off he tells me to get over a sickness I don't even have. On top of that, he gets a bonus surprise when he finds a brand new crisp bill in as a reward for the death in the family and an everlasting ghost. Whoops!

I'm lucky I didn't get a slap or had my own funeral. 
He did his cordial and 100% fake thank you and I walked away.

I suspect he has a voodoo doll of me that he is poking everynight. My joints have been aching recently, which would explain it.

Hey a little to the left, my shoulder needs some relief. No more needles in the eye kindly.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

First Impressions Are Important Especially in Japan

First Impressions are Very Important in Japan!

That's not me for your information.

If you were under the impression that first impressions are not important in Japan you are wrong.
First of all let me set the record straight about a few things. Since I've made a mistake here or there a few times, while in Japan. Well, maybe not ONLY in Japan, but anyways...

No matter what culture you are in, first impressions are important. It sets the tone for how you feel about a person and how things with that person are about to unfold.

Well, let me tell you a few stories about making the wrong first impression.

The first time I went to Japan, our Japanese teacher, a Canadian guy was trying to tell us how to be introduced to a Japanese family, what formality level to use etc. I couldn't really care less. I recall him saying something about an entrance way at a Japanese house being important and slippers or something.
I figured at the end of the day what is the worst that could happen? Japanese people are polite and I'm generally a polite kid, what cultural mistakes could I possibly do? The answer to that, is a lot.
First off I was stuck with a family that spoke no English. Perfect immersion I thought, although since I barely knew 10 words its going to be difficult. Secondly, I had a book of Japanese jokes that I started off with them as soon as I met them. "Grading tests is terrible" I said. They halfheartedly laughed. I wondered if it was funny.
According to the book the words grading papers is terrible or "Saiten wa saitei" is funny. It has to do with a play on words. The first part of the words are the same. I didn't get it and I took it by their fake laughs neither did they.
Oh well, I thought at least I broke the ice. Things will only get better.
We arrived at their house. I noticed the entrance way. I guess in English a better way might be to say alcove or something around those lines. Its a place to put your shoes and hang up your jacket. Whatever, who needs it I thought. My hostmother pointed to the floor, sandaru. I didn't know what that meant, but she was pointing at some sandals. I smiled and answered "No, I'm good, I have shoes on, thanks." It didn't occur to me that I was still wearing my shoes still, let's blame it on the jet-lag. As she pointed out my room, I saw Japanese tatami reed mats. I walked into my room with my muddy shoes on. At this point whatever my hostmother was trying to hold back came out! "NO! AHHHH NO!". I thought someone had got injured. I realized for the first time my shoes were on and I was tracking mud into the house and including the tatami mat floor. Whoops!
Mistake number one.

Notice the pointy tips? Don't eat those ok?

I wasn't great with chopsticks, but I had eaten enough Chinese food in Canada to know in theory how it worked. I wasn't great, but I could get the job done, if I ate slowly. The first night my hostmother had prepared a massive feast of sushi, sashimi and pork cutlet! Yummy! The only problem was, I had to use chopsticks. They told me they had bought me special chopsticks. With the help of a dictionary they explained they had gold inlay and real pearl in them. I was like Ok cool.
As I started to eat, I noticed the sashimi was pretty crunchy. Why so crunchy? Its raw salmon. What the heck? I kept chewing because I was hungry. Pretty tough on the teeth I kept thinking.
After dinner I went to pass my chopsticks to my hostbrother for cleaning. He said something in Japanese which I didn't understand.
His mother said something I also didn't understand.
At that point I looked at my chopsticks and realized I had eaten them. To be precise I had somehow managed to bite the pointy tips of the chopsticks off. That explains the crunchiness.

Mistake number two.

My hostmother had setup a Japanese boy day display in my room. It contained some samurai armour and an elephant tusk. Actually the elephant tusk wasn't part of it maybe, but was still in the same room. Who doesn't have an elephant tusk in their room?
I took out the ornamental sword and pretended to decapitate my hostbrother. So funny I thought, my hostmother looked upset as I was using her family heirloom that was probably 500 years old was being used to pretend cut her son. Whoops! Oh well, its a cultural experience, kind of.

Mistake number three.

To top it off it wasn't until a few trips later that I totally botched things up.
I started going to my school to teach English in the summer. The only problem was there was no kids in class. Since it was summer holidays there were only doing sports and no classes.
They told me although I can meet the teachers and talk to them the formal introduction wasn't until a month later. No biggie I thought, its not like I'm going to wait a month to talk to them. I did my Japanese introduction and figured, if I did it to a few of them and saw them all everyday, why bother doing it "officially".

They told me that the school day started at 815AM every morning when school started, but because it was summer I could show up at 830AM.
I was on time everyday and never showed up past 830AM. My American co worker would come to work at 9AM each morning. I had beat him everyday and I felt good since I wasn't late.
The most important day had come. The first day of school!
I somehow managed to sleep in. Only on that day, and it was the only day my American co worker was on time. I peddled my granny bike as fast as I could in my suit in the humidity and arrived at the school 30 minutes late. I had slept in. The principal had already introduced the American guy and he was trying to introduce me, even though I wasn't there and technically I had already met everyone.
The principal looked at me and said "First impressions are very important in Japan, you should show up on time!"
F##$! I thought.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva