Radiation Man, Can I get some gamma radiation too please?

Radiation Man, Can I get a little Gamma Radiation too?

If you are going to poison me with radiation please add a little gamma radiation for good luck!

If you don't get this joke it refers to the HULK. Bruce Banner gets overdosed with Gamma Radiation which basically makes him invincible.
That might be nice. Of course at the same time you will become a big green monster and destroy everything, but hell I can live with that.

When I was teaching in Japan on the Jet Programme we had to do a number of tests. Urine tests, I found pretty annoying. They asked that the first pee of the day be entered into a special vial then brought to work. To be honest, I didn't find that too sanitary. For most of my time in Japan I didn't have a car, so I would use my granny bike to get to work. I'm sure on more than one occasion people were wondering why I had a vial of pee in my granny basket.

One time the top was a bit loose, so I put it in a plastic bag. When I went to hand the school nurse the vial it seemed to be wet. Whoops!
I threw the bag out, I didn't really want to bring back my coffee mug in it.

Another of these tests that were required was X-ray's. I didn't quite understand why, it seemed so often. I think it was about once every six months or more. A huge truck would come to the school parking lot. They told the men to rip their shirts off and get at it. Finally one day I asked if I could possible get some lead shielding or something since I had been through quite a few X-ray's that year. Beyond the school once I had about 3 on my neck. Plus Superman couldn't see me (inside joke for comic nerds here, Superman can't see through lead!).
They looked at me funny. It seemed to me that whatever they were looking for they didn't think the radiation was a big deal. I thought at least a lead vest or something that they provide in Canada would be nice. Maybe I can hold it around my waist so at least I don't get cancer down there. That would be a bonus.

Finally after the fourth X-ray at school I asked what they are looking for. They told me tuberculosis. I was like what the heck? Isn't that some old world disease that died out 100 years ago? No one seemed to understand.
Since no one got it, I figured I better push my point. Black plague, isn't it like black plague? Since I didn't know the Japanese word for that I substituted death for plague. Don't you guys know black death is over? No response.
I think the X-ray technician thought I was nuts.
I tried to make a joke "Any chance I can get a little gamma radiation thrown in?". Bam!
I thought it was hilarious and started to laugh. I could see on his face he had no idea what I was talking about. Plus I didn't know the word for gamma radiation in Japanese so I just said it the way it sounds. That makes it even more cryptic.

After the X-ray I decided to bring it up at one of our weekly foreigner teacher meetings. "Hey do you guys think I can get too much radiation from X-rays? Its so stupid they even make us take it, after all who the heck gets tuberculosis these days?".
Everyone seemed to agree with me.
Well, guess what.
My good friend Mack's X-rays came back positive for tuberculosis. I couldn't believe it.
He mentioned he had been in Thailand for two weeks during Christmas and it must have got it there.
Its transferred through coughing.
He mentioned they told him he was banned from school and considered a threat to everyone by his school. He was to stay home on bed rest for 1 month and take anti-biotics. I thought this sounded great. A chance to get away from my bad students.
I asked him if he wouldn't mind coughing on me a bit.
He told me that it wouldn't be much fun though, as he had to sustain from tea and crumpets and eat healthy. Those crazy Brits! Crumpets and tea ha!

This isn't our X-ray. But it does apparently show Tuberculosis. I didn't even know it exists in the world anymore.

As you recall Mack was one of my better friends during my first year in Japan. When we first arrived he had come out with us one night, forgot where he lived and didn't have a contact from anyone from his school. He ended up staying with me for a few days.
One morning we looked in the fridge for some food. I hadn't bought much yet and all my pots and pans were from the dollar store, the lowest quality you could get.
He found some eggs in the fridge and brought them out. He saw the bananas and said that would be good cooked together. I'd never heard of eggs mixed with banana but I thought it must be some British delicacy.
As we cooked it the pot started to melt. It was so cheap (I guess aluminum) it couldn't stand up to low heat.
After it was done I threw the half melted pot out (its illegal to throw out in the garbage I found out).

As I took a bite of my slightly metally banana eggs mix, I was shocked. It was the worst thing I had ever tasted. Mind you, metal doesn't help anything taste good, but I thought it might be edible. I glanced at Mack and he scowled, "Emm this is terrible". Uhhh... he recommended it so I didn't know what to say.
"You have eaten this before right?", I inquired.
"No, I just thought it might be good and its all we had", he answered.

F!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Farewell Party and Speech Bomb

Farewell Party and Speech bomb

Bonus that I lived the 3 years there.

You know regardless of how bad things are, you probably have a better connection with people you have gone through rough times with. At least that’s what I thought. I felt like I had come a long way during my 3 years in Japan. Most of the kids liked me (not the graduated ones, they still wanted to kill me). I felt like I had changed a few of their lives for the better and even helped them, not only through exposure to foreigners, but of me having a love of them and things about their culture. Not the bad ones though, of course I still distasted them. There was one boy and one girl I felt particularly close with that I felt like I was going to miss the most of all the students. They both tried so hard to talk to me. 
Lastly their personalities were similar to mine. Which means, I should have told them to write half of this blog and told them its homework for me. Oh ya!
On the last day of school I was told to do a speech in mostly English and a little bit of Japanese. I was so nervous and I didn’t know how much emotion I would feel. As an adult I don’t recall ever crying, but for whatever reason I had a bit of sadness inside me. Hard to believe I know, me a true samurai have wimpy feelings.
It finally occurred to me that this was the end, not only of my teaching, ever seeing these kids and teachers again, but also of Japan. I was going home and this was it.
I showed one of my teachers my speech just before I got on stage. They told me I had made an error with a Japanese word. I was fairly sure I hadn’t. "Sayonaraba", is not Japanese she told me.
I said sorry, but this word was introduced to me by the head of the prefecture, and has a stronger nuance then simply sayonara. It denotes a feeling of “If we should meet again one day...”, as opposed to sayonara which does mean goodbye (usually forever). I looked it up in my dictionary to confirm, yes it was there and says a stronger feeling than sayonara. I asked another Japanese teacher, “No, its not Japanese”, she said. I didn’t want to argue with her, since not only did someone tell me its Japanese, my dictionary lists it was Japanese. Look who is the native speaker? Them or me? Ok so its not me, but if someone told me it has a meaning and my dictionary say it has the same meaning, it means 1+1 = 2. 
I was thinking perhaps, its like Shakespeare words, I doth eat thou grapes. Or while it may be some ancient or somewhat unused expression, it is still Japanese, and varies little from sayonara, enough that everyone should understand the point of it.
As I got to my final sentence, I thought I felt a tear in my eye. I breathed deeply and felt my lungs fill with phloem. Yes, I don’t know why, but lots of phloem. "Teachers, Students......" I said. I looked around and saw a lot of grade 6 girls crying, "Sayonaraba!"...silence. Did they understand the last part or they all think I made a mistake and meant sayonara.
No one clapped. Ummm.... shouldn't I get a clap or something? I got the crap beat out of me for 3 years and no clap? That ain't cool.
A girl walked up on stage, it was one of my favorite students Yuki. In English she said “Myles from all of us we thank you for the 3 years you have been at this school, you have helped us and change our lives, thank you”. She came forward as if to hug me, I felt some more tears in my eyes, then she gave me flowers. I wasn’t sure if I should hug her, but I was getting my damn hug regardless if I was supposed to or not.
The next day was my final day at school. During the day I got an email from my co worker, which said something terrible had happened. A student had died. My school went into lockdown. I didn’t really understand what was happening, since it wasn’t at our school but perhaps the school only heard someone had died but not how and were worried for the children. My friend said the girl was bullied a lot and jumped from the 3rd floor.
Not a great day to say the least. To top it off it was my farewell party with the teachers that night. Its never good to have a dark cloud over the day you are being thanked, or you are trying to tell everyone how much you will miss them or try to do a funny speech. I forget sometimes that sarcasm doesn’t work so well in Japan. Big foreshadow here.
After a terrible day at school I went home. I got ready for my dinner and biked my granny bike with the uncool basket on the front for the last time. I arrived at the hotel lobby covered in sweat. Perfect, start this 3 year trip covered with sweat and end it that way too. At least this time I wasn't late (or was I?). That was nice no one offered me a ride on my last day, oh well.
It reminds me of the time I walked in -10 C temperatures on snowy days to school and saw at least 4 teachers drive by who waived to me but didn't offer to pick me up.
I met some of the teachers and waited outside the dining room we were about to eat in. The principal wanted to have a chat with me. Of course after 3 years and always speaking in Japanese, it was interesting for me that now he wanted to speak in English. I could tell he had forgot a lot, so he was nervous. “Myles even though today was a difficult today, don’t let it make tonight not good OK?”. OK I answered!
I had prepared a speech which I thought was absolutely hilarious. I pictured everyone would be hollowing with laughter and what a way to start a day that was so rough for everyone. Here’s how it went.
“I’m not looking forward to going back to Canada as there is someone special waiting for me there. As all of you know, she would like me to take her on a private trip from Victoria to Niagara falls. She thinks its one hour from my house, but she doesn’t get that its 5 days by car. No one laughed. Maybe they didn’t get how funny it was. Ya and she also wants me to take her to Newfoundland! That’s on the other side of Canada. Seriously!? hahahha. No one laughed. This crowd is tough I thought. OK I’ll pull out the big guns. 
These jokes were referring to the old lady that had bad breath and was an assistant English teacher. I wrote a blog post about it before. They were all well aware she kept asking me to tour her around Canada.
The big guns were my last resort, where I thought I would sing to the tune of a song I liked. I was trying to sing but I couldn’t remember the tone because I'm tone deaf. I asked the music teacher could she start it off for me. She does it. I'm like OK I can do it, to the tune of shima uta (Island Song) with the words I translated from Japanese “Island song, like the wind, I’m blowing across the sea, like a bird flying in the sky, I’ll be meeting someone, oh the someone you know on my little island song. Silence. No one got it! Crap! Bomb after bomb tonight, that’s nice. I tried to explain it that the someone was the teacher that had worked at the school who drove everyone nuts. I thought it was funny, but maybe it's rude to insult people who aren’t there or something. Common, let me be funny today, its my farewell. Silence, a few people forced laugh. OK I guess I bombed, hopefully they don’t hate me. Finally they said OK now we are going to do a game where you are a pervert.

So if I like this it means I am a pervert then! Damn!!

I was like WTF? They are like oh ya, its cool. You wear a sash that says “I’m a pervert and you walk around”. I don’t think I get it, who is that funny for. I’m not a pervert, at least I don’t think I am.
Finally they put this pervert sash on me. I started to realize that this was it, this was the last day with these people. Three years battling all these demons kids, but coming out alive was a bonus. I had expected to lose a finger or two. I mean ya, so my neck was permanently damaged (and still is), but at least I didn’t get stabbed (only the threat of).
So there was a group of female teachers standing together and the party was starting to end. The principal whispered to me that while we shouldn't really have a 2nd party due to the tragic event of the day, we still would because it was for me, but only a few select teachers would be invited. I prayed for it not to include that old lady I spoke about in the song.
I decided I better get my farewells in and get my final hugs. I went to some of the female teachers ready to get a hug. One of the female teachers looked at me, “What are you doing?”. That was direct I thought. “Ummmm, hoping for a hug, since this is the last time we meet”, I answered. One of the male teachers patted me on the shoulders, “You are a pervert (hentai)”. I was like WTF? I moved on to the next teacher whose face went a pale colour and she looked upset like I was about to do something terrible to her. As I tried to put my arms around her she brought her arms up into her chest, like she expected me to violate her. I know Japanese don’t touch a lot (especially PDA), but this is a bit crazy I thought. Three years together of all these rough times and I don’t even get a hug, rough. At least I will remember them everyday every moment of my life for the rest of my life. Every-time I breath due to my still broken ribs and cracked neck I thought.

Ouch, that hurts. He is feeling some pain for the rest of his life too.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

A Bit of Magic In Japan, Kind of

A Wee Bit of Magic in Japan, Kind of

Look at the glow. Its like a free flashlight. By the way don't stick a bunch in a plastic bag people get "upset".

There are some things that you can do in Japan that are kind of magical. Although I guess technically you could do it in other countries such as Canada, it definitely does not have the same feeling. Take fireflies for example. In Canada, at least as far as I am aware people don’t take food to a river at night to enjoy the magical glow of the fireflies while listening to the sounds of nature. Actually just listening to the thought of it, people would probably laugh and say “Seriously? Are you kidding me?”. That being said, I would count it as one of the most magical moments I experienced in Japan that I wouldn't even think about trying to duplicate it here. Imagine asking your friends “Hey guys wanna go to the river, bring a picnic blanket and sit and watch fireflies?”. You will be laughed at for the rest of your life. Some of them may even ask you be committed to the mental asylum.

Imagine asking a girl. "Hello, how bout you and me go down by the river and enjoy a little glow of the flies?". Trust me, its not a good pickup line I've tried it (or maybe I didn't, if I did I don't want to admit it).

What is the point of this firefly viewing? Well it puts you on level 12 of the plateau of spiritual existence. What does that mean? I have no idea, but damn that sounded deep. English Honours 12, thanks for the layer onion technique (that doesn't mean anything I made it up).

The level 12 is like the Matrix, only minus the computer, technology and anything to do with having your body used as energy to feed robot energy (on the other hand I can't disprove it, so I could be in the Matrix). Someone on the street did tell me "Say hi to Morpheus" the other day when I was wearing my long black trench coat.

Eww fireflies look kind of gross when you can see them in light. Sick!

That wasn't the only magical moments but it was one of the best. Another of my other little special moments was of koyo or “leaf viewing”. What the heck is that you ask? Well its pretty much the it sounds. You pretty much walk to a place where there are a lot of leaves that are falling or have already fallen or where the trees are starting to lose their leaves and the colours are beautiful. Yes that’s right, beautiful! If you don’t believe me Google it, I don’t have a skill for taking pictures and a website to show you nor can I think of the words to describe it, and yes I am not insane (possible).
When I describe it, and if you haven’t done it, it sounds a bit ridiculous. Who goes around looking at leaves? They must be high you think. High on life !? Hahah, not funny!? 

Its not of leaves, but its still pretty. Imagine a bush of nice colours like a pattern made by nature instead. If I can say so I'm a good photographer. Toot my own horn.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

 

The Japanese Toilet A Different World

 
The Japanese Toilet



Using the Japanese toilet was a bit of the puzzle to me the first time I saw a picture of it.
Perhaps the drawing I was looking at just happened to be out of proportion but all I kept thinking was it looks like a bath.

The one I used was longer. Elongated more bath like. PS don't wash hands in that water, its not clean.

Our Japanese teacher who happened to be a white guy, was explaining to use how to use it.
By looking at the photos I could not comprehend the words coming out of his mouth.
If you are well travelled you will know that pit toilets, the white porcelain ones are used in every country on this planet except for North America. Rightly so, they are considered more hygienic and use less space than standard Westernized toilets. They are easier to construct and use less water, not that I'm trying to pressure you into turning green (although it may be a good idea these days). I prefer a nice relaxed sit myself, the king of your own throne as they say.
He explained it simply, “Face the hooded end then take your pants to your ankles”. For whatever reason I couldn’t picture that. How can your ankles be tied at the base by pants and you can still move I thought? I didn’t want to ask for clarification since it was kind of an embarrassing topic.
The first time I arrived in Japan I was 15 years old or so. We were on a three week exchange. At that point we were in Hiroshima for 2 days staying at a hostel.
My normally functioning body wasn’t normal flows, either due to jet lag or new food. I was blocked. Finally one day, as we walked around the city I felt movement, YES I thought. Time for relief. The only problem was my adversary, THE JAPANESE TOILET.
We headed into a 7-11. As I bee lined for the bathroom, I thought I might hit up a Slurpee on the way out, even though the weather was super cold. Ummm slurpree. I looked around, no Slurpee machine. Weird I was thinking. I looked at the cashier counter thinking, in Japan they probably don’t allow kids to stick their heads under it like in the States. But no! None there either. Weird.
I asked someone later and they said what is SURIIIPEEE? I was like hello! Frozen pop and its total delish! They didn’t get it. I found out later Japan doesn’t have those at 7-11! Wow.

I'm not ever sure this is a mistake. But either way, I better take a pass to be safe.

Back to the story instead of an essay on Slurpees (which I prefer to write about, brown slurpees).
I headed into the bathroom and met my match, a white hooded mini bath.
I stared at the thing, its harder then you think. Even though many countries use this (most of the world in fact), I had never used one and was spoiled by using Western ones my entire life.
I tried to lay down a bit, hmm, didn’t seem to work. I pulled my pants down to my ankles. Now I can’t move, this is great I thought. If I fall over this is gonna suck trying to stand back up.
I decided if I laid in it like a bath that was my best option. Preferably no feces surrounding me, if possible please.

Why can't they post this in every toilet in Japan? That's all I needed. Possibly add video to it too.

I laid down with my hand bracing me on the sides and my ankles tied at the end. Didn’t seem to work. I decided to disrobe. And by disrobe I mean everything. By this point I was probably in the bathroom for about 5 minutes. My friend hammered on the door, “Dude everything OK in there? You are taking forever”. I looked down at myself naked laughing “Ummm dude, its a Japanese toilet I don’t get how to use it.” Then no response for 10 seconds. Then I heard him “HELL NO! If its that bath style one I’m out, see ya later”. He abandoned me at my time of need. Not that I could ask him for help. I tried a few more positions which didn’t seem natural.
I contemplated asking an employee in English, “Umm hello, I’m from Canada, can you teach me how to use your complex hooded bath toilet? I tried naked but had no success”. The thought evaporated from my skull within ten seconds. Nah, plus he wouldn’t understand my English. My Japanese was terrible at that time (and probably still is depending on who you ask mhwahahah).
With no clothes on, the cold was starting to get to me, You see in Japan a lot of places don’t use heat inside buildings so the weather outside is the same inside. I tried that special position again laying down this time instead of using hands I used my elbows to prop myself up. Then I layed (laid) down and my ankles weren’t tied anymore. I could pee, but I wasn’t sure what direction it was about to go. Not on my bare feet! I don’t have shoes on! Sick!  
I leaned back far as I could and as close as I could to the water. I leaned my hips to the sky and my head tilted back. It was like I was doing yoga, a sun salutation with my hips. Alas, I misjudged the distance and the back of my head dipped into the water, sick! On the bright side at least I can restyle it, it wasn’t in cool shape anymore.
I finally finished my business and closed up shop by putting my clothes back on.
Now, where to wash my hands. I had two options, dip my hands into the place I just did my business, or there was a small metal tube coming out of the top of the toilet where the level to flush was. It might be clean but I wasn't sure. I figured at the point my hands had been all over the floor, so its probably to wash them at least a bit even if its slightly contaminated. Damn! No soap WTF?! No hand towels either. I used a bit of TP (which was really cheap and melted in my hands).
As I headed out of the bathroom I did one more CSI check for the Slurpee machine on the way out, still no dice. Damn!
As I walked out the 7-11 door my friend was waiting, at least he didn’t abandon me completely.
“Hey dude did you put gel in your hair? Its all wet”. I smiled 
“Uhhh, ya, yup, yuppers I did.” I answered. 

I wish I could have asked this guy for help. Not while naked though.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Haircut and Throatcut Please, I'll take both

Time for a Japanese Haircut, or throat cut, depending on what you'd like sir.

Well... I'll take both!

 I think he is gonna use that on my head, or possibly my throat. At least he looks happy to see me.

Repost from my older blog.


So I went to get my haircut today. It was the usual place I've been going in Vancouver. I go to this really cheap place 6$ plus taxes. Although it just went up to 8$, which is still pretty good. I went to an authentic Japanese salon in Vancouver and it cost 40$. Who wants to pay that? Especially for a guys haircut. I could probably give myself a bowl cut, with a shaver and pay nothing. 8$ is my kind of price.

So the only reason the place is so cheap is because its full of students that cut your hair. Today I had someone new. She was Chinese and I said "Do you speak any other languages?". She said she spoke Chinese and I'm like oh good for you. Then, she says to me "Are you Christian?". Since Christianity has nothing to do with language I thought it was weird. I was going to say no way, but thought she might be, so just to play it safe. Not exactly, I have no religion. "Oh!", she answered. I said, "Well, are you Christian?". "Yes", she answered.
Then she looks at me, "You seem nice, even though you aren't Christian". "Thanks I guess?", I answered. I guess the other 6 billion inhabitants of the world can't be nice cause they aren't Christian? 
I told her I lived in Japan and she asked me if there were many Christians. Again a weird question to start off a question, I get the feeling she only has religion on her mind. Since there are very few in Japan, I answered no, not really. There are about 1 million of the 135 million and the majority of Japanese tend to include themselves as belonging to more than one denomination, be it Shinto, Christian or Buddhist. One might say they use whatever religion conveniences them.
She said, "I see". 
End of conversation.... Silence for the rest of the haircut. 
At least the haircut didn't turn out that bad. It was a bit like this picture below.

Its not that noticeable right? No one will say anything.

Since it was silent I started to daydream and remember getting my haircut in Japan. It was kind of funny.
I went to this really cheap place near the Heiwado Super Market in our small town. It was like 1300 yen or $15, which is fairly cheap by Japan standards. They always asked me if I wanted a facial shave. Well, since the shave was always included in the price of course I wanted a shave. I would make sure I wouldn't shave the day of, to get extra value for my money. Always thinking I be. 
The only problem was that they would ask me to lean back as far as I could. I felt like I was a pig about to have my throat cut open to bleed. As I leaned back they would put boiling towels on my face, presumably to open the pores (or my skin with the blade). It felt good, but when they brought a huge blade across my throat I used to worry so much I could feel my heart race and probably super pronounced through the skin of my neck like an alien trying to escape my body. Since I had never seen Sweeney Todd Demon Barber or whatever its called, I could only make my own images in my mind of having my throat slit. Since I have a massive Adam’s apple I was always worried that it was about to get shaved off.

Now imagine that guy in Japanese form and a bigger blade and telling you to lean back and relax.

Luckily, aside from a little blood, I never got cut too badly. Afterward, they would wash down my face, shampoo my hair (for an extra 200yen or $2.50) and finish the cut, with a soft massage by a girl. Oh boy the massage was nice! I'm not going to lie. I wish they gave massages at Canadian places at a reasonable price, I'd be in there everyday and if they said you'd have to get your hair re cut, I'd do it!
One day at school I told my students where I got my haircut and they all laughed. I wondered what was so funny. Finally they told me that's where criminals worked. I wasn't sure if they were joking. I did think all the people who worked there, seemed like smoking, darker skinned (sometimes discriminated against in Japan), no teeth or gold teeth typed people. It didn't really matter to me since the price was right and so was the service. Unless of course, they did plan on cutting me for the extra 500 yen (5$ in my pocket).
I finally asked one of the English Japanese teachers what he thought of Samitto (Summit Barber). "Oh", he answered, "Actually I wouldn't go there. I think its all former criminals released from jail. I heard the government helps sponsor the place". WTF? I was going to a place where criminals just got out of jail ?
I thought someone was playing a joke on me. Apparently one of the students mom's worked there. I had mentioned numerous times at Samitto, that I worked at a really bad school called East Junior High where the students were all asses. Well, now I found out I was probably telling their parents. Whoops! Always good to dig yourself a grave, I'm sure someone there could throw me in. 
Some students also told me to look for signs, like slit wrist scars and neck scars or missing fingers.
I started to keep my eyes open for these things. I was surprised by how many I saw. I felt bad for the women who were cleaning my head, since I could see massive scars across their wrists where I assumed they had tried to commit suicide.
I also wondered when they washed my hair if they might want to hold my head under the water to kill me. I would, my Japanese isn't that great anyways, probably annoying to them to listen to my broken Japanese.
Every time I leaned back when I saw the barber with his sharp blade and his golden teeth, I worried he might want to "accidentally" cut me a little. 
They also used to stick a little mini shaver in my ear to cut out the hair. It tickled a lot and I used to laugh non stop. Some of the women would ask if I was OK. I wondered how come I was the only one that ever laughed? I must have a lot of old man hair in my ear or something.

Actually the whole thing seems pretty funny looking back at it now.
I only went to that place a few more times. We became friends with a girl that worked at a really high end hair salon across town. That has a few stories too, but not related to throat cuts or drownings. I think we got a deal from her.
When I broke my neck though and they were trying to wash my hair onetime, I felt like I was losing consciousness as my spine appeared to be snapping in half. When I mentioned I was in a bit of pain, they asked how much and I said "to the brink of death". I think they thought I was joking.
Sadly, I wasn't!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Snack Bars and GangSTAAAARS

Nick and Snack Bars
Gangstars

Have you ever been to a snack bar in Japan? I'm asking but I don't care, cause this story isn't about you and it isn't really about me either. Its about Nick.
If you remember previous stories about Nick, he was the American Italian guy that thought he was gangster. I'll assure you he was no GANGSTARR, more like the whitest cat you will ever meet.
He had a long standing affection with snack bars in Japan. If you don't know what they are, they are basically a men's club or some might say a "Gentleman's Club". Rest assured Nick was no gentlemen as this story unfolds you will find out. 

Snakku in Japanese for Snack. But what kind of snack?

As you recall we were in a small town. Unbeknownst to me it was kind of famous for its snack bars.
According to Nick there were a couple Chinese snack bars he loved.  He used to tell me he liked the Chinese ones cause the Chinese girls skin tasted like red licorice. To be honest, I don't know what that means and I probably never will.
More than once while enjoying his time at these snack bars he would drunk dial me. He would always tell me to come out and see all the bitches. I was like Ummm, no thanks. On top of the fact I had no interest, I figured it would be pretty expensive and being the cheap ass I am, I didn't want to waste my money.
Onetime he called me super late at night. Since I was already sleeping I couldn't think of why he would be calling me so late unless it was an emergency so I picked up "Talk to this guy, he is going to pay for everything at the snack bar, I just met him come!". I was like uhhh what I am I supposed to say to him. Nick puts the Japanese guy on the phone, "Hello, how are you?". "Good thanks, you", "Good". End of conversation, what the heck am I supposed to talk to this random guy about. Nick was desperate for me to go. I declined and he told me "Ok ok, next time for sho".
I don't know what "For sho" means, but I assume its his attempt at being a gangster again.
The next day I met him and he was hungover. He told me a story about how the night went. He told me he was making out with one of the hostess' and she asked where he worked. He said his school's name and she said "My daughter goes there, she is grade 9 and her name is Sayaka!" and Nick says "Oh shit! She's a hoe!". hahhha.
She stopped making out with him, but he reeled her back in and groped her boobs.

He must be looking at the medals.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

First Impressions Are Important Especially in Japan

First Impressions are Very Important in Japan!

That's not me for your information.

If you were under the impression that first impressions are not important in Japan you are wrong.
First of all let me set the record straight about a few things. Since I've made a mistake here or there a few times, while in Japan. Well, maybe not ONLY in Japan, but anyways...

No matter what culture you are in, first impressions are important. It sets the tone for how you feel about a person and how things with that person are about to unfold.

Well, let me tell you a few stories about making the wrong first impression.

The first time I went to Japan, our Japanese teacher, a Canadian guy was trying to tell us how to be introduced to a Japanese family, what formality level to use etc. I couldn't really care less. I recall him saying something about an entrance way at a Japanese house being important and slippers or something.
I figured at the end of the day what is the worst that could happen? Japanese people are polite and I'm generally a polite kid, what cultural mistakes could I possibly do? The answer to that, is a lot.
First off I was stuck with a family that spoke no English. Perfect immersion I thought, although since I barely knew 10 words its going to be difficult. Secondly, I had a book of Japanese jokes that I started off with them as soon as I met them. "Grading tests is terrible" I said. They halfheartedly laughed. I wondered if it was funny.
According to the book the words grading papers is terrible or "Saiten wa saitei" is funny. It has to do with a play on words. The first part of the words are the same. I didn't get it and I took it by their fake laughs neither did they.
Oh well, I thought at least I broke the ice. Things will only get better.
We arrived at their house. I noticed the entrance way. I guess in English a better way might be to say alcove or something around those lines. Its a place to put your shoes and hang up your jacket. Whatever, who needs it I thought. My hostmother pointed to the floor, sandaru. I didn't know what that meant, but she was pointing at some sandals. I smiled and answered "No, I'm good, I have shoes on, thanks." It didn't occur to me that I was still wearing my shoes still, let's blame it on the jet-lag. As she pointed out my room, I saw Japanese tatami reed mats. I walked into my room with my muddy shoes on. At this point whatever my hostmother was trying to hold back came out! "NO! AHHHH NO!". I thought someone had got injured. I realized for the first time my shoes were on and I was tracking mud into the house and including the tatami mat floor. Whoops!
Mistake number one.

Notice the pointy tips? Don't eat those ok?

I wasn't great with chopsticks, but I had eaten enough Chinese food in Canada to know in theory how it worked. I wasn't great, but I could get the job done, if I ate slowly. The first night my hostmother had prepared a massive feast of sushi, sashimi and pork cutlet! Yummy! The only problem was, I had to use chopsticks. They told me they had bought me special chopsticks. With the help of a dictionary they explained they had gold inlay and real pearl in them. I was like Ok cool.
As I started to eat, I noticed the sashimi was pretty crunchy. Why so crunchy? Its raw salmon. What the heck? I kept chewing because I was hungry. Pretty tough on the teeth I kept thinking.
After dinner I went to pass my chopsticks to my hostbrother for cleaning. He said something in Japanese which I didn't understand.
His mother said something I also didn't understand.
At that point I looked at my chopsticks and realized I had eaten them. To be precise I had somehow managed to bite the pointy tips of the chopsticks off. That explains the crunchiness.

Mistake number two.

My hostmother had setup a Japanese boy day display in my room. It contained some samurai armour and an elephant tusk. Actually the elephant tusk wasn't part of it maybe, but was still in the same room. Who doesn't have an elephant tusk in their room?
I took out the ornamental sword and pretended to decapitate my hostbrother. So funny I thought, my hostmother looked upset as I was using her family heirloom that was probably 500 years old was being used to pretend cut her son. Whoops! Oh well, its a cultural experience, kind of.

Mistake number three.

To top it off it wasn't until a few trips later that I totally botched things up.
I started going to my school to teach English in the summer. The only problem was there was no kids in class. Since it was summer holidays there were only doing sports and no classes.
They told me although I can meet the teachers and talk to them the formal introduction wasn't until a month later. No biggie I thought, its not like I'm going to wait a month to talk to them. I did my Japanese introduction and figured, if I did it to a few of them and saw them all everyday, why bother doing it "officially".

They told me that the school day started at 815AM every morning when school started, but because it was summer I could show up at 830AM.
I was on time everyday and never showed up past 830AM. My American co worker would come to work at 9AM each morning. I had beat him everyday and I felt good since I wasn't late.
The most important day had come. The first day of school!
I somehow managed to sleep in. Only on that day, and it was the only day my American co worker was on time. I peddled my granny bike as fast as I could in my suit in the humidity and arrived at the school 30 minutes late. I had slept in. The principal had already introduced the American guy and he was trying to introduce me, even though I wasn't there and technically I had already met everyone.
The principal looked at me and said "First impressions are very important in Japan, you should show up on time!"
F##$! I thought.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva