Along came a Tanuki

Along came a Tanuki?

Tanuki is a strange animal, its translated in English as "raccoon dog". It will probably give you rabies (yes the one that turns you into a zombie. Unless you want to become a zombie. I'm slightly tempted. My brain is half mush anyways).

If you've been to Japan you've probably seen one (not zombies, I mean a Tanuki, probably not alive, no not from zombies.). 

The Tanuki statues can be seen everywhere from shops to forests. Its an animal that stands up like a dog on his hind legs. But, you might notice something strange about it.

Let me paint you a picture (with my stroke(s). Sounds perverted I know). 
It has huge balls! And I'm not talking about soccer balls. Shizing! (that's my own cool sound effect). 
I'm talking huge (and by huge I mean like as big as the blob). 

I hope you know the blob (he's a comic book bad guy).

I once asked a Japanese friend what's with the Tanuki's all over the place.

"Oh, wealth and prosperity", he told me nonchalantly.
As if their big balls would bring you everything you wanted, you just need to rub the genie or this case.......the balls? I noticed many hands were attracted there and many a picture taken (I'm envious).

I wonder if I should erect (yeah I did say erect) one in Canada (by the way erect is synonymous with balls so snap a word match!). 
No holding back around here (mofo's).

Wealth and prosperity only? Well that's not all I was thinking, more something he has that's visible from a mile away. Maybe his prosperity isn't based on moola/ money (if you know what I mean. Ba boom!). That means its love based for a breakdown of my ba boom for you innocent unicorn loving folks.

Dude, you got a Tanuki tattoo? Its OK maybe it will rub off, its only permanent. Having large balls on your arm equals very cool.

It occurred to me that the word "kintama" in Japanese means testicles, but more literally translated as "Golden balls", and as a sidenote, "YOU gotta catch them all!" 
Although that sounds painful (unless you're neurotic, it might be enjoyable. Look that big word up! I spent 4 years at Uni to learn that word).

I also say that "Catch them all" phrase as a word play on Dragon Ball Z (2nd wordplay now, yeah I'm tallying). If you have no idea what I'm talking about you aren't the manga/ anime nerd I hoped you were (Not to worry there's still time).

This is funny if you know Dragon Ball Z & a double play on recent news. I'm killing it with wordplay (3rd time!).

Supposedly, Tanuki play into Japanese stories/lore about being sneaky/ sly (mostly interchangeable with a fox, but that's a side deviance). Due to their biological advantage of having large testicles (I'm envious) metal workers enjoyed them for metal work.
Am I saying all metal workers have small testicles? No! 
Why then you ask? (even if you didn't ask I'm telling you).
The story goes that gold could be hammered within a Tanuki's testicles to flatten it most efficiently. Since it was soft and didn't break (stretches nicely) it was a great material to use. I hope not while alive (I'm not envious of that part).

I hope you enjoyed your lesson today about Tanuki's, large balls and wordplay.

I'm going for the gold with one more wordplay coming.

I think my necrosis is making an appearance again so I have to go (not to be confused with necrophilia. Although I dabble in necromancy occasionally, like raising the living dead etc, zombies and the such.)

Snap!


Don't miss the picture and caption below.

This Tanuki has big balls (expression) but to attempt the feat to Mordor, I eulogize him (not euthanize him. Technically I could). The future is in his hands for all of Middle Earth!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )

http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 

My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)

http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

A Bit of Magic In Japan, Kind of

A Wee Bit of Magic in Japan, Kind of

Look at the glow. Its like a free flashlight. By the way don't stick a bunch in a plastic bag people get "upset".

There are some things that you can do in Japan that are kind of magical. Although I guess technically you could do it in other countries such as Canada, it definitely does not have the same feeling. Take fireflies for example. In Canada, at least as far as I am aware people don’t take food to a river at night to enjoy the magical glow of the fireflies while listening to the sounds of nature. Actually just listening to the thought of it, people would probably laugh and say “Seriously? Are you kidding me?”. That being said, I would count it as one of the most magical moments I experienced in Japan that I wouldn't even think about trying to duplicate it here. Imagine asking your friends “Hey guys wanna go to the river, bring a picnic blanket and sit and watch fireflies?”. You will be laughed at for the rest of your life. Some of them may even ask you be committed to the mental asylum.

Imagine asking a girl. "Hello, how bout you and me go down by the river and enjoy a little glow of the flies?". Trust me, its not a good pickup line I've tried it (or maybe I didn't, if I did I don't want to admit it).

What is the point of this firefly viewing? Well it puts you on level 12 of the plateau of spiritual existence. What does that mean? I have no idea, but damn that sounded deep. English Honours 12, thanks for the layer onion technique (that doesn't mean anything I made it up).

The level 12 is like the Matrix, only minus the computer, technology and anything to do with having your body used as energy to feed robot energy (on the other hand I can't disprove it, so I could be in the Matrix). Someone on the street did tell me "Say hi to Morpheus" the other day when I was wearing my long black trench coat.

Eww fireflies look kind of gross when you can see them in light. Sick!

That wasn't the only magical moments but it was one of the best. Another of my other little special moments was of koyo or “leaf viewing”. What the heck is that you ask? Well its pretty much the it sounds. You pretty much walk to a place where there are a lot of leaves that are falling or have already fallen or where the trees are starting to lose their leaves and the colours are beautiful. Yes that’s right, beautiful! If you don’t believe me Google it, I don’t have a skill for taking pictures and a website to show you nor can I think of the words to describe it, and yes I am not insane (possible).
When I describe it, and if you haven’t done it, it sounds a bit ridiculous. Who goes around looking at leaves? They must be high you think. High on life !? Hahah, not funny!? 

Its not of leaves, but its still pretty. Imagine a bush of nice colours like a pattern made by nature instead. If I can say so I'm a good photographer. Toot my own horn.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

 

Arrival to Nagahama as part of Jet Programme!

Arrival to Nagahama, Shiga Prefecture Japan.
Yeah!

Nagahama dark green on the lake.

When we first arrived in our new city I was quite excited. Despite being a new environment and not knowing anyone well, I felt like it was a party. Well the party hit reality when I got to my new apartment. It was barren as the dessert and it smelled like paint. There was a tatami room(Japanese reed mats), a normal western style living room, a kitchen, and a tiny shower/bath. The shower/ bath seemed like a plastic box with a small sink beside it. The toilet was tiny in a room with a metal door with grates you could see through. Strangely it opened up to the kitchen. I thought it seemed like a weird place for a bathroom. Enjoy your food with some wonderful bathroom smells, mmm tasty!
There was also one large spare room as well with what looked like wooden floors. Lastly, there was a fridge in the kitchen with nothing inside. At least it was clean.
The smell of freshly painted walls was a little overwhelming at first. I imagine if you take a balloon of nail polish remover and stuck your head in it, that’s what it smelled like. On top of that the heat, oh the heat! If you could imagine the fires of hell that will partially explain to you what the heat of Japan is like. It penetrates your entire soul. Its so humid that when you come out of a shower and feel fresh as a daisy, you are immediately covered again in a sticky sweat. So imagine this heat and you think the only way to escape it is to hide in your apartment. The only problem is the smell of the paint mixed with the heat from hell is killing you. The heat makes the smell of the paint 10 times stronger. I was probably partially high during that first week now that I think of it.
Because I’m a social cat, I asked the other newbies from the building if they wanted to come over for a drink. I didn’t realize it at the time but none of us were drinkers. It seems funny now that I told everyone to drink. If I knew no one was a drinker I probably could have said let’s have a P and P party, pop and pizza. Although we’d have to replace pizza with something else, as Japanese pizzas usually consist of a 1mm crust covered with tomato sauce with corn on it.
We all sat down at my place in the living room inhaling paint fumes. That may have been what helped make it so much fun. Because I didn’t have any furniture most of us leaned on the walls(probably covering our clothes with paint), and a few in the center of the room. One guy let’s call him Mr.C was from Texas. His glasses were kind of coke bottle glasses. If you don’t know what they are Google it. They are basically thick glasses and look like they are made for comic effect. We found out Mr.C’s father was an optometrist. When one of the guys found that out he kept saying to me in private “If his father is an optometrist why would he make him wear those glasses? Has he ever heard of Lenscrafters?’.
After mentioning to everyone to be careful and not spill anything since this was my new apartment the worst happened. Mr.C split his drink all over my new floor. It may have been his glasses were too thick and he couldn’t see the floor, but that’s up to debate.
The floors themselves were quite odd. The looked like hard wood but when you walked on them they were not. In fact on top of whatever substance it was it seemed to be a layer of plastic film. Looking back on it now I think it kind of a linoleum that was coloured to look like hard wood. The weird thing though was the film on top of it. I’ve never seen that in any other country I’ve traveled to. When you walked on it, especially with sweaty feet, the plastic would tear itself off from the hardwood looking layer. I would often be pulling off chunks of plastic film from my feet. It was particularly hard to pull off when your feet were sweaty in summer and every step you take you feel like a plastic layer, or the skin on the bottom of your feet is about to peel off.
Mr.C’s spilling of alcohol and pop on the floor seemed to be like a corrosive acid to the plastic film and hardwood floor looking layer. I worried that the first day of this place and I’d already be dinged for damage deposit! Snap!

Our apartment "High Life". I'm not sure that was a good description.

Our apartments a collection of of 18 units was called “High Life Morii”. And yes, the side of our building actually had the words written in large letters “High Life Morii”. I can’t say there was anything high about it other than the smell of the paint in my unit. As for the Morii this referred to the older man Mr. Morii that spoke no English who owned it. Ironically for a person who owns 18 units he rented out 12 of them to foreigners. I often wondered if the city somehow tricked him into doing that. I often saw him dealing with problems that the foreigners were causing him. More on that later.
When we finally managed to dwell outside our foreigner kingdom castle (which had 2 sides covering it by rice fields) we ventured into the city to find a supermarket. We found a large supermarket and department store nearby called Heiwado which Chinese characters meant “The Peace Store”. Its symbol being 2 white doves. I wasn’t sure if I was about to walk into a place selling peace pipes or the Salvation army, but it turns out it was just an innocent name.
I had some stupid idea that when I moved to Japan I would start cooking amazing Japanese foods. Well first of all I don’t cook. Other than toast or cereal I don’t know how to cook a thing to save my life. As we entered Heiwado I looked at the fresh seafood section. For some reason my brain kept saying “Get something unique to Japan”. Well, not entirely unique to Japan but definitely cheap and something I wouldn’t ever cook at home, I saw octopus. How do you cook octopus? I had no idea, but I figured I’m in Japan I’ll have the motivation to find out. I picked up the biggest fattest tentacle I could find and threw it in my basket. Mission accomplished I thought.
I put that tentacle into my brand new fridge and left it there for over a month. I don’t know if there was an expiry date on it, but either way I didn’t care, I figured at some point I’d use it. After that month I realized there was a strong rotten fishy smell coming from the fridge. I wasn’t sure what to do so I didn’t investigate, instead I’d get in and out of the fridge as fast as possible. It was only when my girlfriend came from Canada that something changed. When she first entered the apartment she made a comment about a fishy smell. I was like “Oh hmm I don’t know what it is”. When she opened the fridge a few hours later she did a CSI investigation and realized that it was the month old tentacle. She threw it out, entirely scrubbed the fridge down and then put a special Japanese fridge deodorizer(similar to baking power) into the fridge. I would end up hearing complaints about the tentacle for another 3 years. She claims it still smelt after that time. I apologize to any future tenants of that apartment who may be using that fridge. 

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

The Tale of the Snow Monkeys

Snow monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey before? They look kind of human like share the majority of our DNA, but at the same time they are filthy. Covered with hair, poop into their hands and eat it. There is definitely a bit of a missing link between us as species, well at least most of us. Regardless of their imperfection, you can almost see the human in them. Apart from leathery skin, hair and poop, their eyes and gestures sometimes seem like us.

So cute or so I thought at first.

Now Imagine a baby monkey and how cute it is. Change that brown hair to mostly white and that the monkey’s don’t live in a forest canopy and play in a hot spring. Their lives revolve around frolicking in the snow. I wish I could do that.



 
If you can imagine that then you’ve thought of something truly magical in Japan (No, not the magic kingdom in Tokyo, which is cool. Instead of spinning teacups they have spinning sushi, just kidding).
As I mentioned before snow monkeys are very cute, but at the same time you have to take precautions. They are stronger than us and have an attitude when challenged. We were told don’t look directly into the monkey’s eyes as that means you are challenging them. The bigger ones have arms the size of crowbars and can tear a human male in half if they wanted to (in theory anyways). They seemed docile enough as we approached. I looked into the babies eyes. At first I saw his hands that looked so human like except their nails looked painted black and the palms of the hand more leathery.

One angry snow monkey.

One monkey seemed not impressed I was looking at the baby and charged me. I turned my eyes the other way. I saw all the monkeys playing in the hot spring. I thought how cute it was and it seemed like they were having a bath in a jacuzzi together. Then I thought wow this is amazing maybe I can jump in with them and swim around. That cute thought abruptly ended when I saw a mother monkey take a number 2 (aka feces) into the hot spring on her baby. The baby picked it up and ate some, sick! How much DNA do they share with us again?
I saw them running around like dogs a bit and throwing feces at each other, that’s cute I thought, just don’t get any on me.

 

Then I saw two monkeys rolling up a big ball of snow. What the heck are they doing? Then for a brief moment I thought I had a telepathic moment with one of the monkeys, its human eyes staring at me. They were building a snowman? Maybe they could use fecal matter instead of a carrot for a nose. Perhaps I could teach them, the teacher always comes right out of me at the most appropriate times.I guess my telepathic power of persuasion didn’t work because the biggest monkey picked up the ball and threw it on the head of a smaller monkey who now ran away and cried with its hyena cackle. I picked up a snowball myself just in case this monkey wanted to engage in Mortal Kombat. 

The monkey made the right choice and left the second large ball of snow on the ground. Had he chosen to fight me, I would have face washed him. He would have been getting snow out of his nose and mouth for days! Cute, but definitely not the most perfect of god’s creations. Made in our image but not close enough it seems. I still suggest you see them at least once. Heed my advice, don’t stare in their eyes they will either suck you in with their cute looks or cause you to run away screaming like a little girl hoping they won’t kill you. I did a bit of both to be honest.

Don't jump in. Its not clean even though it looks kind of magical.

To see more about snow monkeys see Wikipedia article at 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_macaque

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva