Yoga on The Sun, Sorta

As we arrived in Japan the weather hit me like a session of hot yoga. The heat at 40 C (I don’t know that in Fahrenheit for our American friends but its about as hot as the sun). Like yoga you are sweating in the heat and your body is in weird positions. In Japan, you fit yourself into packed trains, buses, and shove your bags into any crevices available. And sweat like butter melting in a frying pan.

After the initial arrival at the airport, we all crammed into a bus like sardines in a can (does anyone enjoy my numerous similes? Cause I do). That's a big word look it up.

"Nothing to see here, we can put a few more on. Find a spot folks."

If their intention was to wow and woo us with their incredible hotel & amazing views, they did a stellar job. I was bedazzled (like Brendan Frazier in the movie Bedazzled). The only thing that would have been nicer would be air conditioning between the bus and the hotel so I didn't keep sweating.

Who knew the devil looked this good. Hot! Like yoga ;-)

I knew there were many personalities in the types of gaijin (foreigner) about to embark to the land of the rising sun (that’s supposed to be poetic and it means Japan if you didn't know). I just didn't know what kind of personalities I would run into.

When I came from Canada I had been lucky enough that I had some friends from my University going to Japan on the same program. I guess I hit oil cause I was double lucky. My initials matched one of my friends. The seats were picked according to alphabetical order. So I got to sit with him.

There is a reason I'm telling you this, don’t worry, just keep rolling with it.

Once at the hotel, it happened the rooms were also chosen by country and alphabetical order, so again my friend was in my room. I thought it was going to be awesome until I realized there were 2 beds and a roll-away bed (cot), but only two of us. “Hells no!” I'm not taking the roll-away. It will damage my spine and hip alignment (although in all fairness I had not yet cracked my ribs and spine so I may have been OK. Refer to other blogposts to understand). 
I jumped in one bed and threw all my stuff on it with my shoes on (ha!), I'm a jerk as you know. They didn't have dog poo on them (this time mwahahahaa evil laugh).

One minute later a gigantic dude walked into the room, sweating worse than me. By gigantic I mean, like an Ogre from Lord of the Rings. The body odour was the worst I've ever experienced (rather like an Ogre’s actually). I considered throwing up into my hands then smelling it, in hopes it might smell better. Purify his putrid stench (more poetry terms).

We received a large package of training events. It said something along the lines of mandatory attendance please join eight out of ten events.

I didn't think it should be trouble for me as I had lived in Japan before. As for the other people, they were like a fish out of a pond (I seriously love these similes, I may write a book about them).

My friend in my room informed me he would probably sleep due to jet-lag and lots of drinking on the plane so he was skipping the events (he said ideally for the whole three days).

After one day of easy “you will have the worst culture shock ever course” I went to the free lunch. I love free everything as you know. Its the bane of my existence. I headed to lunch, but none of my friends were around (sleeping or drinking perhaps) and I didn't have anyone to sit with. I was the uncool kid wanting to sit with the cool kids. I saw one table with people full of smiles (Canadians maybe!?). I headed to the table. I couldn't guess where they were from by looking, but as soon as the Southern drawl (accent) from Texas came out, I knew where two of them were from.

Our main course came out which happened to be Japanese curry and rice. If you don’t know what it is, it’s basically Indian curry, but not strong and no spicy flavour to it.

“I don’t wanna be eating this mud. I thought those Japanese eat sushi”, she said. Oh lord, she is in for a surprise I snickered. 
‘I expected the Samurai’s to greet us and all ya’ll”, she said. She said that with a straight face I might add.

I almost spat my curry out, is this girl for real? It was delicious and I didn't want to waste it. Who says that? I was grabbing at the curry sauce splashing out my of cheeks and pushing it back into my mouth.
She sounded a bit riceist to me (that's a lame joke, sorry. Curry and rice so go with it).

On top of that I had never heard anyone used both all and ya’ll in combination. Sounded abnormal. I know I was about to be an English teacher and my English sucks, but look at her.

I shut my mouth and ate my curry while enjoying the show. Everyone introduced themselves and one of the “all ya’ll” Texas girls stated she had never been out of Texas and this was her first visit internationally. Someone piped up even Canada? (A Canadian probably) and she stated no not even there.

I didn't see her again although I heard through the grapevine later (through another Texan) that she made it for two months then went back to Texas. Ouch!

I should have known, if she expects Samurai and only sushi 24/7 she came to the wrong place.

As for my friend, he didn't attend any courses and he asked me to write down his name on some of the attendance sheets so it appeared he was there. Smart guy.

He started to go out drinking at nights and he ended up getting stuck with the roll-away. I pitied his hips and spine alignment.

I thought it was funny, so the last night when he came back from drinking I took what I thought were empty beer bottles and surround him with them while he was sleeping. It was hilarious and I took pictures.

But it turns out a few of them had beer in them though, so he got covered in beer and so did his bed.

He probably thought he peed himself and I didn't tell him the truth.

Ha! I enjoyed thoroughly.

As a bonus his beer pee smell counter attacked the sweaty ogre's smell.

If you see this dude in your room, hold your breath. Or get someone to pee on their bed to mask the flavour and scent.



Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Four Weddings and a Funeral Minus Three Weddings

Four Weddings and a Funeral Minus Three Weddings

Wow, how to be classy. I didn't do that. Mine was probably worse.

I've never been good at math plus the title "Four Weddings and a Funeral" seemed catchy. The problem being, there was only one wedding not four, but ah, just a few numbers off. 
I think there was a movie title like that with Hugh Grant.

Anywho..

I did go to a wedding and a funeral in Japan. Both were a little strict. I always think of weddings as a blast, but Japanese Shinto ones are a little overly dramatic and you need to follow rules.
You have to say certain things which I don't recall (and I just mumbled ra ra ra a few times), since I didn't understand. You are also supposed to drink sake from a plate at a set time but I misunderstood and drank it as soon as I saw it (bad luck x 1000 for the couple maybe?). Whoops!

Traditional Snowmen funeral. Bucket and all. Shinto is similar, in the fact they both like the colour white.

The funeral was similar except it was a Buddhist funeral and I messed up majorly, so I was laughing during the funeral procession. We were supposed to light incense and put it in this kind of sand area, but mine got too hot so I put it on the wood table and it started to smoke the wood. Luckily they blamed it on my foreign "Gaijin-ness" when in fact it was because I'm an idiot.

I should have tried this at the traditional Shinto wedding, but with sake.

Incidentally I confused the Japanese character for my honourable condolences, to congrats on your honourable wedding. The Japanese/ Chinese character for honourable is the same, and I didn't recognize the other two, so I figured they were interchangeable.
Someone mentioned you can buy this special envelope at any grocery store, so I figured what the hell (what the hay for you younger people) why not buy one there. The same person mentioned you are supposed to put money inside of it. I found out later the quality of the bill matters as well. If you are congratulating someone you must ensure its a new bill crisp and flat. If its for a funeral you have to give an old crumpled ratty tat tat bill (aka heavily used). Who knew?
Naturally at the funeral I gave the wrong bill, a brand new crisp bill indicating they last forever (which might mean they will stay a hungry ghost?). Whoops!

As I handed him the envelope he gave me a strange look, as if shocked. He had seen the wrong characters I guess. 
I had forgotten the set phrase I was supposed to say to him so I decided to say something that sounded somewhat similar "I hope you get through your sickness, it won't last forever." Smooth recovery I thought. 
Or maybe not.

I'm sure for him this was a WTF moment. First, this stupid foreigner comes to his families funeral. He nearly burns down the ancient Buddhist temple, he gives an envelope with a small amount of money (that may have been another issue too) and to top it off he tells me to get over a sickness I don't even have. On top of that, he gets a bonus surprise when he finds a brand new crisp bill in as a reward for the death in the family and an everlasting ghost. Whoops!

I'm lucky I didn't get a slap or had my own funeral. 
He did his cordial and 100% fake thank you and I walked away.

I suspect he has a voodoo doll of me that he is poking everynight. My joints have been aching recently, which would explain it.

Hey a little to the left, my shoulder needs some relief. No more needles in the eye kindly.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Rockin a Granny Bike Ain't Cool

Rockin a Granny Bike Ain't Cool

I wish I could have done that. Instead I kept my head down in embarrassment.

Rocking a granny bike under any conditions is not cool. I can assure you because I did it for three years. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone not under the age of 40 using one back in Canada. That being said about it not being cool, well the basket part on the front part is very useful. I carried just about everything in it. Groceries, jerry cans of petrol, laptops (even desktops), children (well maybe not that). I think in China they carry children and dogs in it, usually together.
In Asia and in my case, Japan. Everyone with an arm and a leg rocks a granny bike. Yes its very uncool, but they don’t look at it that way. They see is as a convenience machine. Little work and big payoff. For small roads its very trustworthy (unless there are large ditches and you drink).

Rocking a granny bike under any conditions is not cool. I can assure you because I did it for three years. I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West. Only not as cool.

My school assigned me a super rusty granny bike to get around. I thanked them, but thought, I hope I can get rid of this ASAP and get something better. My wish came true when one of my Australian friends left after a year. I rocked that new Wicked Witch of the West bike for one full year (my pretties). His bike was a little more manly than the one I had and newer. The tires were bigger and the basket didn't bend and break when I put stuff in it. Plus it wasn't rusty, which was sweet. Half decent, kind of.
All bikes in Japan come with a built in lock system. Its a tiny little key that pops out and prevents the bike from moving, if you leave it in, or lose the key. You are toast though. I occasionally forget it in.
I had also bought a trusty lock from the dollar store. I figured it’d be like be murder she wrote, only I wrote it and no murder involved (this time). I had double locks so on top of having a somewhat cooler but still granny bike, I figured no one would try and steal it. I thought wrong.
There is a saying about Japan. That Japanese are very honest except for when it comes to two items “bicycles and umbrellas”. They go missing like you wouldn't believe. More than once I contemplated informing the local police station “MY DOLLAR STORE UMBRELLA IS MISSING AGAIN I NEED IMMEDIATE ACTION”. I also considered calling the SDF (Self Defense Force) in the name of my missing umbrella. My other friend just grabbed someone else's nicer umbrella in retaliation.
One night I locked my bike near a Heiwado Department Store. The sign said “Don’t lock your bike here”. I ignored the sign and parked my bike (a bit of a rebel you could say). I figured with the double lock what’s the worse that could happen.
I didn't come back till the next day. To my astonishment all the other bikes that were around mine were still there except for mine. It occurred to me, I should have brought the rusty bike the school had lent me so they wouldn't have zeroed in on a somewhat cooler non rusty granny bike. I just lost my Mustang. I could no longer go from zero to hero, I was now going from 0mph - 2mph in under one minute with a rusty "Creek, creek, creek" sound.
I rocked the rusty blue piece of crap for the remaining two years.

Don't worry if you fall your helmet will protect you. Oh wait, no helmet. Uhhhh...

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


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http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Underwear and Departure Time

This is kind of what the airport looked like. Only underwear was flying everywhere.

After three years in Japan, I realized I had acquired a lot of treasure (aka junk). I have a problem with throwing stuff out. I wouldn’t do it (and still won't). I put the bags together of all the things I wouldn't be carrying back to Canada in my suitcases, yes plural. Rubber chicken. Why do I have it and why do I need it in the future? Ten never used ice packs, why do I have so many? Ten rubber balls, what the heck? Am I five years old? Where did they even come from? A pair of women’s panties that say dollar store on them. Was that a gift to me? (from myself to myself?). Maybe I have split personalities.
I contemplating carrying some VHS tapes back, I had acquired about one hundred VHS tapes across the three years (and no not the Xrated versions). Of course, I no longer had a VHS player, but I imagined sometime in the future I could get one. Too bad VHS sucks and they are big and cumbersome. No room in my bags for it.
I gave the three large plastic bags of treasures (junk) to my Mexican-American friend, let’s call him Fernando. I knew he would stay for at least another year in Japan. Like me, he had acquired many things throughout his years and he didn't throw anything out. I knew the rubber chicken would not be going to the trash bin, instead it would continue its life cycle of uselessness.

I thought about keeping it. I'm sure I could use it somehow in the future. Or not!

As I packed my bags for home, I decided I should bring my desktop computer. The only problem was it was massive. I dismembered it (and by that I mean disassembled), and packed it in pieces.
Now for clothes. I don’t know why exactly but I had a lot of tighty whities and boxers. I guess because compared to Canada they were one of the only things that were relatively cheap. I could buy a pair at the dollar store (Daiso in Japan). I bought so many pairs I thought they would last years to come or more likely based on their quality, rip in half very soon.
I sent eight boxes full of stuff back to Canada by boat (the cheapest way possible). I still had over packed, and then even though I had read the weight restriction was 30 pounds, my wife had seen a note saying an additional $20 for $20 more pounds. Seemed so cheap so I made all my luggage weigh 50 pounds. Maybe I could put a small child in my bags too to pay for my ticket!
When we got to the airport to check in, there was a large line. To top it off, we didn't arrive early enough and I was super stressed. When we got to the front of the line the Japanese-American service clerk weighed my bag. “This bag is 50 pounds! The max is 25 pounds”. I was like WTF. I informed him the website said an additional $20 for 20 pounds. “Are you kidding me?”, he answered. I wasn't sure that was polite to a seven star General (I just made that up!). He said there was no way it was possible and he couldn't even calculate how much it would cost to go over the 25 pound limit in his head in costs. I was like oh shi$. He told us we better repack our bags. I started throwing my stuff everywhere. Since underwear weighed the least I decided to remove some of the heavier computer parts (motherboard, hard drive). I started throwing my underwear everywhere, all over the desk, on the floor, on peoples feet behind me. I could hear the older Japanese ladies laughing in line.
I was laughing too, I couldn't remember if I had washed any of those underwear! The joke was on them.
After fifteen minutes our Mission Impossible became Mission Possible. Maybe I'll get a new eight star General ranking? We ran like hell to the postal outlet at the airport. We were lucky they even had one there. I threw computer parts, my LCD monitor, my Playstation 2 etc into the box. I actually had to buy the boxes there, so I bought the cheapest ones (surprise). I hoped everything would be OK when it arrived in Canada delayed a few weeks after I would arrive.
When I rebuilt the computer at home, sparks shot out of the motherboard. Seems some fuses blew and parts of the motherboard has cracked in transit.
The only good news is it still seemed to function, although it smelled like an electrical fire for a few months. My nose lost some smell after being near it for long enough.
Oh and as for the underwear, I decided to play it safe and wash all of them for once.

I took the high road and washed all of them. They were fine I'm sure. Kind of like this one. Looks clean right? Just turn it inside out my friend Ken always tells me.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Can't Hear,Crap! Big Trouble Little Countryside

Can't Hear? Crap! Big Trouble in Little Countryside

This wasn't her village, but it is a countryside. 

I once went to visit my friend Yoko (that’s her real name not an alias by the way) in the countryside near Tokyo. Her family lived in the suburbs called Chiba. If you're interested its famous for peanuts. Its really the countryside.... like totally.
Cool, I thought, I get to visit the ol’ countryside.
I visited her family home which was a short walk from the station. It looked very traditional from the outside. They seemed to have electricity, how amazing I thought.
Since it was during the Winter holiday she had a lot of family visiting while I was there. There was one elderly aunt she introduced me too who I think may have been hard of hearing (as in completely deaf) and possibly vision impaired as well, because she didn't seem to know I was a gaijin “foreigner”. She spoke to me, asking my family’s last name and my hometown. When I told her Canada, she didn't bat an eye, because I don’t think she heard the response anyway.
Not a big deal except that when I went to use the bathroom I noticed there was no lock on the door. I could slide the door closed and there was a slight gap between the doors so that either person could tell someone was inside without seeing them in their porcelain throne glory. The only problem was if you are blind or close to blind, you can’t see the movement inside, and may think the door is closed due to remaining smells from previous occupants.
As I was trying to have my few minutes of peace, her aunt came to the door and started trying to open it. I tried to hold it closed yelling “Stop! I'm in here” in Japanese. She didn't seem to have any reaction as if she didn't hear me. She knocked on the door. In Japan you knock to see if someone is inside, as they would knock back to indicate yes there is someone in it. I knocked back but since she was deaf that didn't seem to work either. She kept pulling.
For someone so elderly she was pretty strong. That being said, on my side of the door was a tiny round metal handle which I could barely slide two fingers into. If I recall correctly she had a whole handle she could overpower me with. 

Dude, how can I block her when I can only get two fingers in this to block her.

She started to yell “Yoko! Your door seems to be stuck! I can’t get it open”. I yelled too “Yoko help! I'm in the bathroom and your aunt doesn't seem to hear me and has almost got the door open”.
The lactic acid in my fingers was starting to give out. I didn't know if I could hold the door anymore. Her aunt kept mumbling this door is so stiff I can’t get it open.
I resorted to English “LADY STOP! I'm in here, do not come in!”. Finally I could hear Yoko trying to tell her that someone was inside and lead her away. What a relief!
I couldn't continue my business (of porcelain time) due to anymore threats of the door opening. Stage freight I guess. She ruined my moment.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Kendo, it stinks! Literally!

 Kendo, it stinks! Literally!

To make it more interesting let's use live metal blades and no padding. Now, that would show who is the Last Samurai!

If you’ve ever seen The Last Samurai, you probably thought sword fighting is the coolest thing ever. Little boys no matter what country use sticks, brooms and pens to battle each other. I was never that good at it as a kid. I used to get hit, so I’d run and throw my sword or in this case my stick at them.
The moto “stand and fight” never stuck well with me, I always prefered “flee like a wimp and throw things”. Hope to live another day.
Regardless I thought THE LAST SAMURAI was so cool, Tom Cruise with his Scientology and their aliens that made the earth storyline. Oh wait! Sorry that’s real life.
I can’t deny he was very cool with his damn swords and training as a Samurai.
In Japan though, you can’t really train with real swords (for fear of cutting each other in half), although to be honest that would be pretty cool. Imagine seeing people practicing and they are like “Oh dude, wait wait, I cut your arm in half”. It would be like a scene from Monty Python Holy Grail.
Kendo is pretty much the closest thing to real swords, but its done with wooden swords (called shinai in Japanese). I always thought, if I get the chance I’d like to see someone do it. As its kind of like make believe being a samurai. That being said if you have ever been unlucky enough to watch Kendo before, you already know what I'm going to write about.
One of our school students was in a tournament on a country wide sports day. Since he was the only one from our school, he was unique at the tourney with no support. I went to go see him with the vice principal to give him a cheerleader. I thought it was also a chance to see some Tom Cruise like battles fighting to the death albeit with wooden swords.
Just prior to walking into the gym the Vice principal said to me, "Get ready for it, as soon as we walk in a very special smell".
I was thinking WTF does that mean! Then as we walked in I understood. The putrid smell of stinky, salty sweat! It was overwhelming to the point of almost throwing up. It was a horrible horrid smell. Let's called it the HH horrible horrid smell. 
He informed me that after a short time I would get used to it. I was thinking whatever time short is determined to be is going to be too long. He told me it was even strong for him and he was used to it, since he taught Kendo near his house. I guess because they have armour on, they sweat profusely underneath the armour. He said they could wash the gi (marital arts clothes) part of the cloth, but not the rest. Remind me not to do Kendo, unless I have a severe nose cold or a clothespin on my nose.

That's what my girlfriend always says. It might be a good thing in some ways. As long as it doesn't smell as bad as Kendo.

I always pictured Kendo just like in the movies with these huge cuts and slashes. To my disbelief they have only have 3 cuts (swings) in Kendo, that I’m aware of. Hmm, so much for surprise. Not that I should talk, I’d run as soon as someone started slashing.
After seeing each of the cuts I kept thinking wow, these small little movements are kind of boring. You can’t even tell if someone cut the wrist for the point or not. Too bad it wasn’t live blades, at least it would be more exciting. I contemplated going up to someones sword when there weren't looking and putting a metal tip on it.
It was so boring and I had to watch it for 3 hours. I realized at that point I should have chosen a more interesting sport to watch like golf. By the way, to the people who find golf interesting, I'm not even sure that counts as a sport. You don't even break a sweat.
I started to fall asleep and the teacher said, "Let's go, I've had enough of this". You could say that I again. I had enough of it  times 100! Once we exited the building I inhaled fresh air, it was nice, until we got to his old truck and the smell of gasoline and smoke made me sick again.

Sometimes you can't win!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

30,000 dollars Bank Heist, Minus the Theft Part

 $30,000 Bank Heist, Minus the Heist

Money I like money! I wish I had some money right now. All gone!

As I geared up to leave Japan after three years I contemplated what to do with my buckets of money. And by buckets I mean a lot. But don’t try to rob me its all gone now. As the saying goes "Never trust a man with the money, you can be guaranteed it will be spent on drugs, alcohol, gambling or wasted on things they don’t need", like in my case.
Yes, even after spending large amounts of cash across three years at the dollar store (I almost went everyday) I had managed to save quite a bit believe it or not. $30,0000 is quite impressive if I can toot my own horn.
I’ll never forget the first day when I bought 100 items and the teacher said “I’ve never seen anyone buy so much at the dollarstore”. I smiled and told him, “And that’s just today, I’m planning to come back tomorrow!”. And the best part. I did!
As you may know I was on the JET Programme which is a Japanese government sponsored program.
A lot of people are able to save a lot of money since we were paid fairly well and in most cases, our apartment or living rental is subsidized. I knew of a few people who were able to to pay off their University loans. In my case, I just collected the buckets of money and dreamed of dollarstore glory.
So what should I do with the money I thought. How should I transfer it or should I just carry it in my suitcase, so it will be like a drug deal. When they ask me at the airport how I got all that money, I’ll be like, “Well, I Taught English for three years. I basically got paid to be beaten”.They would probably arrest me and say, "Must be drug money, there is no way you can get beaten in Japan by students, they are too nice". Not at my school.
The exchange rate was terrible! In fact it was the worst it had been since I had arrived in Japan.
Me, being the person I am, was not prepared to lose any money on the exchange rate. I was thinking I could make money on the exchange rate. If I waited long enough.
How long though, I didn’t even want to think about.
My final decision was to sit on the money, literally and figuratively. I thought since I had a post office (bank) account I would put all my money in the post office bank account (no fee to hold it), give someone I trusted my post office bank card (preferably someone rich so they don’t want to steal my money)  and for them to send it to me when the exchange rate was better.
The only issues I had was that my approximately $30,000 dollars was sitting in a different bank account across town and they wanted me to pay to transfer it. Ridiculous I thought! Who pays to have money transferred (I guess they do everywhere I found out later).. I’m a loyal customer of three years, the least they can do is transfer it for me. So I showed up during my last few days. I brought my ID and told them, “Hi, I’d like my $30,000 dollars please”. They suggested I transfer it and pay the $20 for the transfer. Seriously? I lose $20! I could buy twenty things the dollarstore with that.
I told them no, I want cash.
They prepared the bills in my bulletproof case (that's a joke about bulletproof case) and asked if I was OK. I said ya no problem and tossed the $30,000 into my old backpack. Now, had I been in the United States, or possibly Canada I may not have done this. Walking around with $30,000 is a bit of a risk.
To make the risk even greater I had ridden (rode?) my scooter. Plus my backpack was so old the zippers weren't staying together. Not to worry I thought, should be fine. Maybe.

This bag should hold the money well I thought.  The odd hole, hopefully no money will fall out.

I started up my scooter and drove to the other side of town. Since it was probably the last day I would get to use my scooter I gunned it, thinking about how I won’t be able to enjoy the wind through my hair again, nor the typhoons and rain in my eyes. I had forgotten the bag wasn’t closed very well.
I arrived at the post office. The teller asked what I’d like to do. I told her deposit $30,000 dollars.
She was like OK nonchalantly. I pulled my backpack off and noticed the zipper was open more than hallway, whoops!
There was a man standing pretty close behind me as well, so I was lucky he hadn’t put his hand in and taken any.Its OK though, he's Japanese I doubt he would.
She counted the money as I hoped to high hell it was all there.
I waited another three years before the exchange rate was what I considered good enough to transfer. I ended up paying 50$ per $10,000 to send to Canada, so $150.
In the end I paid more for waiting then the damn $20 to have to it transferred to the post office and avoid any risk. Plus I could have just taken it with me and lost less money on the exchange rate.
Oh damn, just my luck!
$150 to transfer! Can you believe that. Damn I could have bought 150 things at the dollarstore!

It's basically my Disneyland. Where dreams come true.  $1 everything!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Is Batman a Ninja?

Is Batman a Ninja?  

Night, Dark Knight, throwing stars, he must be a Ninja!

I used to say to my students in Japanese, “Are you are a ninja?”. They would all mumble something I couldn’t hear while I would be thinking how cool it would be to be a ninja.
I finally started asking them what they were saying, since it was always too quiet for me to hear. A few of the boys told me that no one says that, since its not cool. Unless you are 5 years old. That also reminds of the time when I wrote sweatpants when I was 15 year old and this school mate told me, “Dude! Sweatpants? Seriously!? Those were cool when you are 5!”. I continued to wear sweatpants till I was 20. Anyways..........

This guy is cool, wearing sweatpants at age 50.  Read his sign.

I couldn’t grasp the idea that something can’t be cool. so when I asked the students why. They would tell me Ninjas have no morals or code of honor. I couldn’t believe that. I always liked the movie AMERICAN NINJA and Beverly Hills Ninja. They were Ninja and somehow tied it into the American way. Too bad it wasn’t the Canadian way!
This is a lesson here. Do not ever tell people in Japan you want to be a ninja!
I imagined sneaking around throwing shuriken (throwing stars) at people, climbing up buildings, using a reed straw to breath underwater, becoming invisible with my mind. How could it get any cooler than that?  I recall as a teenage my Japanese class High School teacher FITZ (who was Caucasian) used to always say he was a ninja. He told us he could kill people without them even knowing he was there. Ya I thought, that dude is totally right. Well, just to let you know, Japanese people don’t think ninjas are that cool. Kids might when young, but their history is not as cool as you think. Mostly they were kind of countryside people who would use whatever they had on hand as weapons to kill or maim advisories. As time went by, they become specialized mercenaries for hire. They trained in secret, and were somewhat the opposite of Samurai. If you tell someone you want to be a ninja, its like saying “I want to learn how to stab people in the back and be dishonorable”. Instead of facing my enemy, I use darkness to conceal myself and throw little sharp metal objects that are totally annoying but probably won’t kill. It will just blind people, and therefore cause dishonor to them for the rest of their lives. Still cool?

Well yes, a little. Plus, how you resist that you get to wear black and cover your face. Its like batman or something,  wearing black, using night to conceal, scaring people with awesomeness. Wait! Is Batman a ninja? A ninja of night justice? He punishes those that don’t do what’s right and throws metal batarangs at them. I guess he is!

An unskilled Ninja.

Anyways, back to story at hand. Is it cool to be a ninja? Hmmm maybe not? You know what actually on second thought who am I kidding? It's always cool to be a ninja.  Yes, because you get to be all secretive and do cool stuff, but at the same time it's not honorable or right and sometimes being a rebel is cool. Who believes in doing what’s right all the time, besides I’m a Canadian after all. You know us and our reputations.  
The long story short is even though in the West we think Ninjas are the coolest things, its not necessarily the same in Japan. In addition, real Ninjas don’t exist anymore. Except Batman.

Ninja vanish, I’m out and you didn’t even notice.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva