Meeting Famous People

LOL!

I'm laughing already remembering the time "I may" have met Utada Hikaru.
If you don't know she is a massive JPOP (Japanese POP) star. She does have some English songs (and she has perfect English. That's good because love you doesn't become "rab you" as many popstars in Japan do). She is huge in Japan. In English her songs never seem to hit the nail on the hammer (or reverse, whatever it is).
I put the emphasis on "maybe" about meeting her cause "maybe" I didn't. It wasn't in person, if you are thinking how didn't I know. I could go for an edgy racist joke here, but I'm not going to.

This story brings me back to my youth (what seems like long long ago).

One day I was using "ICQ messenger". If you are wondering what the F is that? You are very young and I am very old. Like an old wiseman teaching Kung Fu to his young grasshopper (or in this case Karate, cause Kung Fu is Chinese, don't mix it up MOFO).
Its basically texting for when the internet started to go mainstream. Yes I used to have to buy internet usage by the hour, an absurd sum of like $10 an hour. My parents probably thought I was doing assignments and I was messaging and surfing porn (what teenage boy didn't?)

I did a random chat one day, I have no clue what I wrote. but the girl introduced herself as a New Yorker, who is Japanese. And to top it off her mother used to be an Enka singer. These things also match Utada Hikaru's life perfectly, but I guess its possible it "may" not have been her.

Now at that time I wasn't very intelligent (nor am I now. Things didn't improve much. Must have been the porn surfing HAHA). I'm still not the sharpest tool in the shed. More like a light that has burnt out half way (I think that's called going dim. If I were smarter I'd know).

I have no clue if I asked her for a picture or I suggested exchanging photos but she sent me one. LOL!
She played me, like a violinist plays a piano (or a violin whatever).  She sent me some model type girl in a swimsuit. Kinda weird thing to send to a random guy in some foreign country, but I'm happy. I thought so beautiful (saved me time searching for porn myself).  This ICQ is great! Insert ICQ sound here (if you don't know it, its a unique du du sound. You could look it up instead of surfing porn).
I don't know fancy web programming (now called coding to sound more cool) so I'm not sure how to make a link popup and not close this one). Regardless if you are interested in the ICQ sound click the link and come back cause SPOILER ALERT, BOOBS ahead! I mean boobs in both sense. As idiot and the real thing.

Link to the du du sound I think. I hope the link works. Come back after for the boobs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iCPIUGnHQ8


I probably told her, wow your face and body are amazing like a model.
A few years later I was cleaning out my computer and a Japanese friend asked why I had that picture? I said oh some girl I met, she said I don't think so, its a model and she's wearing a swimsuit. What girl is going to send that, especially a Japanese one (I should have realized most Japanese are more reserved than us brash foreigners). Good point! I am dim (dimwitted).

The picture was something like this. I should have realized this body type is not normal and looks to be a pro pic. But I wasn't too smart. Hopefully not airbrushed, you can only dream!
SORRY GOOGLE DELETED THIS PIC SO I PROVIDE A LINK or it violates the young ins eyes I guess.

Another time I was reading about how Utada Hikaru said in an interview she used to do random ICQ chats. It seemed to re emphasize my belief it was her. The evidence piled up like the theory of evolution (only its actually a fact, because we generally use theory to mean guess in slang, but in a scientific sense, a "theory" is much more than that, its explaining the evidence that we have. There is no guess of evolution, The evidence is overwhelming, from many independent sources that's the icing on the cake. I had a person say to me "its just a theory" the other day. I didn't realize how ignorant he was, until I realized he didn't care what the evidence showed because he had a religious agenda. Hard to talk to people who make up their mind before seeing or listening to the evidence).
Anyways my Utada Hikaru evidence wasn't as compelling as that of evolution (that sentence made me sound like I'm writing a report instead of surfing porn). But nevertheless, it was still strong.
I have a feeling it was her. She's highly intelligent and was playing me. Entertaining for her, and now 20+ years later for me.

Apparently can also make fun of me too, "maybe".

Strangely one of my friend's brothers knew her (non Japanese Canadian guy). He was going to international school in Tokyo and she also went there. I think she was only semi famous by then, but everyone knew who she was. He personally couldn't care less if she was famous. He didn't care about much it seems, but that's a sidetrack to be visited on a different blog story.
If I had known him then I would have asked him to go up to her and be like "Do you remember the time you met a random guy on ICQ and you sent him a model pic. Well its 20 years later, but he wants a confirmation it was you."


She'd probably be like "What fool would fall for that? What a dumbass".
Me, I guess. haha.

Checkmate Utada (or "maybe" someone else).

Well it could have been Utada (I think on the left), or a copycat just like here (I think the one on the right). The one on the right says "Rab(u) you" cause her English she couldn't emulate.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6hudSMxomg

Other funny stories from this blog 

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )

http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 

My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)

http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Roppongi, Six Trees of Separation

Roppongi, Six Trees of Separation

Ah the night life, traffic lights and liquor. All a good mix.

My friend from University in Canada was living in Japan. His family worked for the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo so he invited me to stay with them. Sounded great I thought. I had forgot however, my friend was an alcoholic. Since I can’t drink worth a damn it didn't occur to me till I arrived this may be a mistake. “Dude, we are going to Roppongi tonight, let’s get smashed”, he told me. If you have never heard of Roppongi the Chinese/ Japanese characters means 6 trees. How bad could six trees be? Well, since I didn't know what Roppongi was notorious for, the answer is a lot. Its famous in Japan as a seedy place for foreigners looking to club hop, bar it up, go to cabarets, or massage girls (not neck massage) etc. As you know since its seedy there is a large yakuza (mafia) presence as well.
My friend convinced me that we would bike there and it would be awesome. By bike I mean bicycle not dirt bikes or some cool gas powered bikes as you are guessing. We started biking and I realized two thing. One I'm out of shape and two I was drunk as a skunk. There were tons of taxi’s all over the street. The traffic was terrible so we weaved, highly illegal I might add, through the taxis. I wondered if we would live the night. My friend fell against one taxi but got back on his bike and kept riding as if nothing happened. When we finally arrived, he informed me he wanted to start off at "The HUB", a foreigner bar. I said OK and followed him. We locked our granny bikes up and were just about to go inside. My friend seemed more tipsy than me and was like “Dude let’s go! Happy hour is almost over”. I wasn't too keen on drinking more. He started to run full sprint, the only problem was he didn't see the metal down door that had fallen down part way and smacked his head into it. It sounded like someone hit a gong and I started laughing. He was on his back not moving. I laughed for a few seconds until I realized he wasn't conscious. He seemed to be breathing, or at least I hoped. “Dude you OK?”, I asked. I couldn't remember the number of ambulance in Japan anyway, 112 or something, 911 doesn't work. He sat up and I noticed a gigantic goose egg on his head. I told him he had a little mark on his head. He didn't seem to care. He had just lost consciousness and probably had a concussion. Brains, what are they good for anyway. We headed into the bar and he ordered three “happy hour” drinks. I have no idea why he was having such a bad night, but his glass shattered in pieces while holding it. Literally he just had it in his hand and it shattered everywhere. I think they had the glasses in the freezer and the heat in the room made the glass unstable or something. Bah I have no idea, I'm not rocket scientist (although I do enjoy cosmology and occasionally alchemy as a side gig).
After that we left, he had drunk more than he should have. We ran into some nice Taiwanese girls. I asked them what they do and they said massage. I would love a neck massage, I was a bit stiff. I thought we were just chatting, but I soon realized they were trying to get us to come inside for a special massage. We were targets not friends. As we continued walking passed them this gigantic guy about 250 pounds came up and put his arm around my shoulders. I was making friends left and right tonight I thought. I wondered if he was from the U.S. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I soon realized this was a ploy to put his arms around us to trick us into a bar he worked at. He was big so I didn't want to say no. Once we got in, I noticed we were the only white people. I didn't really care, except that no one was speaking English or Japanese, so I was super confused what was happening. Seems like everyone was an employee and they weren't from the U.S. I saw a flag that said Nigeria at the entrance. My friend didn't care and started dancing with the girls. The music wasn't Western, not that it matters. You can bump to anything you want. I started wondering what we had got ourselves into. Then all the sudden my friend started acting a bit crazy, semi yelling and not making sense. I wondered if this was an act or he was overly drunk. Perhaps both. I read later the Nigerian bars are famous for spiking the drinks and using high pressure tactics to entice you into bars with 250 pound dudes. If you don’t believe me read Wikipedia. Luckily I didn't drink there, just entered and stood out like a sore thumb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roppongi

One of these doesn't belong here. I felt like the odd man out.

We headed to the next bar at around 3AM. It was super stuffy and I was thirsty. My friend continued drinking and headed to the bathroom. When he came out, he was like “Dude I threw up in the urinal. I'm good to drink more”. I was like oh no. A bartender came up to us, “Someone threw up in the urinal, know anything about it?”. My friend who was a great liar answered “Ya, he had black hair and blue eyes he just headed downstairs”. The bartender went downstairs. This was the exact opposite of what we looked like. He’s smart even when he’s an idiot. I told him we should leave, since he’s an idiot. He agreed to both and we went outside. We couldn't find our bikes, so we started to walk home. Either the spot we left them was wrong or the Nigerians club guys got them. 
As we walked I saw a guy with a Nike hat that looked like Tiger Woods. He had a bodyguard looking guy with him.The next day I watched the news and it showed Tiger Woods highlights of him playing golf in the Tokyo region over the last few days. I wondered if I had seen him. 
If it was him I should have told him to avoid the Nigerian bars.

What was Tiger up to in Roppongi? Hmmmm....

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from my blog
 http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva 

Can't Hear,Crap! Big Trouble Little Countryside

Can't Hear? Crap! Big Trouble in Little Countryside

This wasn't her village, but it is a countryside. 

I once went to visit my friend Yoko (that’s her real name not an alias by the way) in the countryside near Tokyo. Her family lived in the suburbs called Chiba. If you're interested its famous for peanuts. Its really the countryside.... like totally.
Cool, I thought, I get to visit the ol’ countryside.
I visited her family home which was a short walk from the station. It looked very traditional from the outside. They seemed to have electricity, how amazing I thought.
Since it was during the Winter holiday she had a lot of family visiting while I was there. There was one elderly aunt she introduced me too who I think may have been hard of hearing (as in completely deaf) and possibly vision impaired as well, because she didn't seem to know I was a gaijin “foreigner”. She spoke to me, asking my family’s last name and my hometown. When I told her Canada, she didn't bat an eye, because I don’t think she heard the response anyway.
Not a big deal except that when I went to use the bathroom I noticed there was no lock on the door. I could slide the door closed and there was a slight gap between the doors so that either person could tell someone was inside without seeing them in their porcelain throne glory. The only problem was if you are blind or close to blind, you can’t see the movement inside, and may think the door is closed due to remaining smells from previous occupants.
As I was trying to have my few minutes of peace, her aunt came to the door and started trying to open it. I tried to hold it closed yelling “Stop! I'm in here” in Japanese. She didn't seem to have any reaction as if she didn't hear me. She knocked on the door. In Japan you knock to see if someone is inside, as they would knock back to indicate yes there is someone in it. I knocked back but since she was deaf that didn't seem to work either. She kept pulling.
For someone so elderly she was pretty strong. That being said, on my side of the door was a tiny round metal handle which I could barely slide two fingers into. If I recall correctly she had a whole handle she could overpower me with. 

Dude, how can I block her when I can only get two fingers in this to block her.

She started to yell “Yoko! Your door seems to be stuck! I can’t get it open”. I yelled too “Yoko help! I'm in the bathroom and your aunt doesn't seem to hear me and has almost got the door open”.
The lactic acid in my fingers was starting to give out. I didn't know if I could hold the door anymore. Her aunt kept mumbling this door is so stiff I can’t get it open.
I resorted to English “LADY STOP! I'm in here, do not come in!”. Finally I could hear Yoko trying to tell her that someone was inside and lead her away. What a relief!
I couldn't continue my business (of porcelain time) due to anymore threats of the door opening. Stage freight I guess. She ruined my moment.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva