Roppongi, Six Trees of Separation

Roppongi, Six Trees of Separation

Ah the night life, traffic lights and liquor. All a good mix.

My friend from University in Canada was living in Japan. His family worked for the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo so he invited me to stay with them. Sounded great I thought. I had forgot however, my friend was an alcoholic. Since I can’t drink worth a damn it didn't occur to me till I arrived this may be a mistake. “Dude, we are going to Roppongi tonight, let’s get smashed”, he told me. If you have never heard of Roppongi the Chinese/ Japanese characters means 6 trees. How bad could six trees be? Well, since I didn't know what Roppongi was notorious for, the answer is a lot. Its famous in Japan as a seedy place for foreigners looking to club hop, bar it up, go to cabarets, or massage girls (not neck massage) etc. As you know since its seedy there is a large yakuza (mafia) presence as well.
My friend convinced me that we would bike there and it would be awesome. By bike I mean bicycle not dirt bikes or some cool gas powered bikes as you are guessing. We started biking and I realized two thing. One I'm out of shape and two I was drunk as a skunk. There were tons of taxi’s all over the street. The traffic was terrible so we weaved, highly illegal I might add, through the taxis. I wondered if we would live the night. My friend fell against one taxi but got back on his bike and kept riding as if nothing happened. When we finally arrived, he informed me he wanted to start off at "The HUB", a foreigner bar. I said OK and followed him. We locked our granny bikes up and were just about to go inside. My friend seemed more tipsy than me and was like “Dude let’s go! Happy hour is almost over”. I wasn't too keen on drinking more. He started to run full sprint, the only problem was he didn't see the metal down door that had fallen down part way and smacked his head into it. It sounded like someone hit a gong and I started laughing. He was on his back not moving. I laughed for a few seconds until I realized he wasn't conscious. He seemed to be breathing, or at least I hoped. “Dude you OK?”, I asked. I couldn't remember the number of ambulance in Japan anyway, 112 or something, 911 doesn't work. He sat up and I noticed a gigantic goose egg on his head. I told him he had a little mark on his head. He didn't seem to care. He had just lost consciousness and probably had a concussion. Brains, what are they good for anyway. We headed into the bar and he ordered three “happy hour” drinks. I have no idea why he was having such a bad night, but his glass shattered in pieces while holding it. Literally he just had it in his hand and it shattered everywhere. I think they had the glasses in the freezer and the heat in the room made the glass unstable or something. Bah I have no idea, I'm not rocket scientist (although I do enjoy cosmology and occasionally alchemy as a side gig).
After that we left, he had drunk more than he should have. We ran into some nice Taiwanese girls. I asked them what they do and they said massage. I would love a neck massage, I was a bit stiff. I thought we were just chatting, but I soon realized they were trying to get us to come inside for a special massage. We were targets not friends. As we continued walking passed them this gigantic guy about 250 pounds came up and put his arm around my shoulders. I was making friends left and right tonight I thought. I wondered if he was from the U.S. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I soon realized this was a ploy to put his arms around us to trick us into a bar he worked at. He was big so I didn't want to say no. Once we got in, I noticed we were the only white people. I didn't really care, except that no one was speaking English or Japanese, so I was super confused what was happening. Seems like everyone was an employee and they weren't from the U.S. I saw a flag that said Nigeria at the entrance. My friend didn't care and started dancing with the girls. The music wasn't Western, not that it matters. You can bump to anything you want. I started wondering what we had got ourselves into. Then all the sudden my friend started acting a bit crazy, semi yelling and not making sense. I wondered if this was an act or he was overly drunk. Perhaps both. I read later the Nigerian bars are famous for spiking the drinks and using high pressure tactics to entice you into bars with 250 pound dudes. If you don’t believe me read Wikipedia. Luckily I didn't drink there, just entered and stood out like a sore thumb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roppongi

One of these doesn't belong here. I felt like the odd man out.

We headed to the next bar at around 3AM. It was super stuffy and I was thirsty. My friend continued drinking and headed to the bathroom. When he came out, he was like “Dude I threw up in the urinal. I'm good to drink more”. I was like oh no. A bartender came up to us, “Someone threw up in the urinal, know anything about it?”. My friend who was a great liar answered “Ya, he had black hair and blue eyes he just headed downstairs”. The bartender went downstairs. This was the exact opposite of what we looked like. He’s smart even when he’s an idiot. I told him we should leave, since he’s an idiot. He agreed to both and we went outside. We couldn't find our bikes, so we started to walk home. Either the spot we left them was wrong or the Nigerians club guys got them. 
As we walked I saw a guy with a Nike hat that looked like Tiger Woods. He had a bodyguard looking guy with him.The next day I watched the news and it showed Tiger Woods highlights of him playing golf in the Tokyo region over the last few days. I wondered if I had seen him. 
If it was him I should have told him to avoid the Nigerian bars.

What was Tiger up to in Roppongi? Hmmmm....

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

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 http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/


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All you can drink, or in my case all you can't drink!

All you can drink, or in my case all you can't drink!

Start with this and see how it goes. In my case all I needed to do was sniff it and I was done.

I always wondered how any company can make money on all you can drink. If you have never heard of it, neither had I until I went to Japan. It came in a few variations.
The cheapest version was watered down drinks called "chuhai" at karaoke joints. It might cost an extra $8 and you’ll get 40% water in your cup. By the time you have 4 drinks you are full of water and don’t want anymore.
The second form comes in the form of hard alcohol or beer at restaurants and or karaoke bars. 

1,000 yen or about $10 bucks for all you can drink for 90 minutes. Wow! Imagine if they had this in U.S. and Canada. It would be the end of the world!!

Usually the price is anywhere from about 1000yen ($10) to about 2500 yen ($25). It seems like a great deal. I always thought that perhaps they should have a separate price for gaijin (foreigners). How can they make money any money on us? In this case, perhaps discrimination is right.
And by the way, us "money on us" in the last sentence, I don’t include myself.
No, I can’t drink worth a damn myself.
During teacher parties after work I would end up being told the party would cost between $50 and $100. I thought OK, its a little expensive so I better get some value out of it. 
It was always all you can eat and all you can drink. If it wasn't, I made it into that situation.
I started off by stuffing my face with whatever I could find. If someone didn't like something or was full I offered to eat it for them (even scraps). By the end of the night, everyone was full and didn’t want the desserts. I’d ran around and eat 10 - 15 desserts. When it was any kind of fruit it was a bonus since fruit was so expensive and I always craved it. I contemplated bringing tupperware a few times. I was like a rat, eating on the leftovers. Perhaps that’s what they thought of me as. A rat. Nice! I might smell like one too. At least I was as hairy as one, according to them.
And, of course not just food but the drinking. I felt like if I was paying that much I better drink till near death. The choices were usually beer or hot sake called "atsukan". Since I’m allergic to beer that wasn’t really an option. Although after a few drinks I’d usually hit it anyway.
If you haven’t ever tried hot sake let me describe it to you. Its like a shock to your system. 
Even one shot can make you feel it. Or in my case, only one sip.
Since I was a gaijin (foreigner), everyone expected me to be able to drink. I didn’t want to let them down, so even though I weighed 130 lbs and I’ve never been a drinker, I gave it a go. Things never went well.

Let me explain that there were three reasons for me to try to drink.
1 Because I am cheap. I’m spending a lot of money so I need value.
2 Because they expected me to drink. I needed to live up to the hype.
3 Because they accepted me more as I drank, or at least I thought they did. There is a saying in Japan, that the only time one should insult their boss is whilst drinking. Maybe I can insult my boss for fun or perhaps my terrible students who I disdain?

On more than one occasion I’d stumble home by foot. Since the ditches were about 6 feet deep I don't know how I never fell in one. Although Nick (who I mentioned in previous stories is a wannabe Gangster / Italian - American, told me he did).
Although I once rode my bike and ran into a boulder, but that’s a story for a different time (next post?).

When I arrived home, if I hadn’t lost my keys I’d knock on the door for my girlfriend to let me in. She probably wanted to scold me (she isn’t Japanese), but she was usually half asleep. I would enter the apartment and if I was lucky only to puke all over the entrance.
I remember onetime being in bed, very comfy and throwing up on the tatami mat (reed mat) floor. Unluckily for me the area I had thrown up on was where the mats joined. The puke seeped through the cracks and it smelt like puke for 3 years! Man, it was gross.
Onetime I remember her asking me only to throw up in the toilet. As she lead me to the bathroom I threw up and I recall her saying “Great, you managed to throw up everywhere except in the toilet”. The bathroom also smelt like puke for 3 years! hhahahah. That’s funny and not funny at the same time. I really did a job on that apartment. I pity the person that took it over from me. Sorry Zack or the person who took it over from him. I'm sure you'll do the same anyways.

Be careful with all you can drink or you might end up like this guy. I almost did! 
A passed out superhero.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

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My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva