The Big Announcement

Mr C's Big Announcement 

It wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The beer tasted like soap I thought. Umm yummy.

This was written by one of my best friends in Japan who is from New Zealand.

With his permission I am posting this and not using his name. But it starts with a B.

So I'll fill you in on a few details on one of stories.
-Myles' neck was in a brace (he can explain the story of that).
-We had moved the Nagahama Block meetings from Roman Beer (hall) to this Brazilian restaurant across the train tracks (near the castle).  This was for a few reasons; we kept getting mean looks from the staff at Roman Beer (foreigners got banned for a while I think), also this new place had a big upstairs area that was always empty, and the food and beer was cheaper (they served these deep-fried parcels of meat and veges, don't know what they were called.  Everything got served in these weird wicker baskets, which things would leak through.
Anyway, it came time for the Block meeting.  I'd already gone to the station to meet Sachi, so Myles was going to get a ride with Mr.C.  But, Mr.C was feeling sick, so he made Myles drive.  Even though Myles couldn't turn his head to look to the side at intersections.

So we're all there at the block meeting, we've played our usual Mariokart tourney, everyone's eaten, we've talked about whatever business needed to be talked about (the Christmas party maybe).  It was getting late, and so Sachi and I got up to leave.  Just as we were at the staircase, Mr.C suddenly stood up, as if he had a big announcement to make.  But instead of speaking he picked up one of those little wicker baskets and vomited copiously into it.  Now of course, those little baskets couldn't even contain our food very well, so it acted more like a sieve, firing streams of vomit in all different directions.  It was, needless to say, a spectacular sight.  There was a moment of complete silence, as everyone tried to process what happened, then people started to rush over to help.  As soon as they were in range ka-blammo! he struck again.
Sachi turned to me and asked 'should we go back and help?'  And I said 'looks like they've got it under control' and sprinted out the door.

Myles follow-up details

I didn't like the beer at Roman Beer (hall) anyways so it wasn't a big loss for me. Plus every time I drank it I got diarrhoea. I thought it tasted like soap. I was more than glad to move from there to the Brazilian place.
They really hated us at Roman Beer. Lots of drunk foreigners doing dumb stuff and making too much noise I reckon. Perhaps like this fellow below.

Dumb Gaijin! We think we got a license to be idiots once we arrive in Japan. I know I did!

-In addition, my neck was in a brace cause a Judo teacher tried to kill me. He snapped some cartilage in my spine, which meant I couldn't turn my neck (a future blogpost perhaps?). I shouldn't have been driving, cripples shouldn't drive (especially the broken neck variety). 
Mr.C felt sick and by that point we were late so I had no choice, it was a dangerous drive. I didn't want to tell him but when we crossed the train-tracks I couldn't turn to look either direction and floored it. 

Luckily, we survived. For once!

Those damn pumpkins! How can you not love them!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Can't Hear,Crap! Big Trouble Little Countryside

Can't Hear? Crap! Big Trouble in Little Countryside

This wasn't her village, but it is a countryside. 

I once went to visit my friend Yoko (that’s her real name not an alias by the way) in the countryside near Tokyo. Her family lived in the suburbs called Chiba. If you're interested its famous for peanuts. Its really the countryside.... like totally.
Cool, I thought, I get to visit the ol’ countryside.
I visited her family home which was a short walk from the station. It looked very traditional from the outside. They seemed to have electricity, how amazing I thought.
Since it was during the Winter holiday she had a lot of family visiting while I was there. There was one elderly aunt she introduced me too who I think may have been hard of hearing (as in completely deaf) and possibly vision impaired as well, because she didn't seem to know I was a gaijin “foreigner”. She spoke to me, asking my family’s last name and my hometown. When I told her Canada, she didn't bat an eye, because I don’t think she heard the response anyway.
Not a big deal except that when I went to use the bathroom I noticed there was no lock on the door. I could slide the door closed and there was a slight gap between the doors so that either person could tell someone was inside without seeing them in their porcelain throne glory. The only problem was if you are blind or close to blind, you can’t see the movement inside, and may think the door is closed due to remaining smells from previous occupants.
As I was trying to have my few minutes of peace, her aunt came to the door and started trying to open it. I tried to hold it closed yelling “Stop! I'm in here” in Japanese. She didn't seem to have any reaction as if she didn't hear me. She knocked on the door. In Japan you knock to see if someone is inside, as they would knock back to indicate yes there is someone in it. I knocked back but since she was deaf that didn't seem to work either. She kept pulling.
For someone so elderly she was pretty strong. That being said, on my side of the door was a tiny round metal handle which I could barely slide two fingers into. If I recall correctly she had a whole handle she could overpower me with. 

Dude, how can I block her when I can only get two fingers in this to block her.

She started to yell “Yoko! Your door seems to be stuck! I can’t get it open”. I yelled too “Yoko help! I'm in the bathroom and your aunt doesn't seem to hear me and has almost got the door open”.
The lactic acid in my fingers was starting to give out. I didn't know if I could hold the door anymore. Her aunt kept mumbling this door is so stiff I can’t get it open.
I resorted to English “LADY STOP! I'm in here, do not come in!”. Finally I could hear Yoko trying to tell her that someone was inside and lead her away. What a relief!
I couldn't continue my business (of porcelain time) due to anymore threats of the door opening. Stage freight I guess. She ruined my moment.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Obama's Erection Very Big!

Obama’s election as its so called. Or as the Japanese like to call it something a bit different.

In this case I got you covered Obama. I don't know for sure but I will take the Japanese peoples word for it. No need for inspection.

As you know that statistically if everyone in a class makes the same mistake it cannot be duplicated unless they are copying each other or don't know the answer. Probably, if you ran the test a hundred times in Canada there is no way the results would ever be the same, but in Japan, alas, its possible to always be the same. The joy of Japanese language (katakana and gairaigo) poisoning English. Katakana is an alphabet to Japanize foreign load words and gairaigo is words in Japanese taken from other languages. If you have any Japanese friends you are well aware of this fact. If you have ever seen a T-shirt that makes no sense, there is a good chance it was made in Japan.

Watch out for the bacteria pot monsters, they might get you with their delicacies. 

I wasn't sure which if people were copying or no one knew the answers when I marked my students tests. I noticed that they were the same repeat mistakes and tended to be with words that had a pronunciation in Japanese and had been “Japanized”. I couldn't understand how every student could write suriipee (Sue-Re-Pee) for sleepy or mirk (Merk) for milk. I knew already everyone said the word the same way and that it was wrong, no matter how many times I taught it. It was like taking blood from a stone to get them to change it, aka Mission Impossible. 
There were always mistakes with L’s and R’s. In Japanese L's sound somewhere inbetween but closer to R. There are no L’s in the Japanese language. Most people replaced any English word that has an L with an R which causes endless mistakes. Check out the website at the end to see some examples, hilarious. Since this topic is occurring again in the news right now let me tell you a topic you should never discuss with Japanese people, “Elections”. You see as everyone in United States is watching Obama’s election, the Japanese are watching Obama’s erection. “Big!!  Very very big, I like (rike) to watch”, my friends would repeat.“Everyone likes (rikes) Obama, big big erection!”. I didn't know if I should correct them. I would giggle. More than one friend “Do you like (raike) Obama’s erection?”. Um, uhhhh, uhhh, how should I answer.“I'm not American, so I don’t really care who it is as long as its not Bush, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed", I answered.“But what about Obama erection? Isn't it nice? Its very big in America”. Again I didn't know how to answer or how should I clarify I didn't know the results of their actual question. I finally gave in to the trap “Yes, Obama’s election is big”. Their response “So Myles likes (rikes) Obama’s erection?”. “Yes”, I answered with my head down.

Hey this one applies to Obama. Don't play games with a hard on.  Or leave a dog in the ark. 

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

If you have never heard of this, check it out. Engrish .com. Lots of examples of the power of incorrect English. Highly entertaining.
http://engrish.com/

All you can drink, or in my case all you can't drink!

All you can drink, or in my case all you can't drink!

Start with this and see how it goes. In my case all I needed to do was sniff it and I was done.

I always wondered how any company can make money on all you can drink. If you have never heard of it, neither had I until I went to Japan. It came in a few variations.
The cheapest version was watered down drinks called "chuhai" at karaoke joints. It might cost an extra $8 and you’ll get 40% water in your cup. By the time you have 4 drinks you are full of water and don’t want anymore.
The second form comes in the form of hard alcohol or beer at restaurants and or karaoke bars. 

1,000 yen or about $10 bucks for all you can drink for 90 minutes. Wow! Imagine if they had this in U.S. and Canada. It would be the end of the world!!

Usually the price is anywhere from about 1000yen ($10) to about 2500 yen ($25). It seems like a great deal. I always thought that perhaps they should have a separate price for gaijin (foreigners). How can they make money any money on us? In this case, perhaps discrimination is right.
And by the way, us "money on us" in the last sentence, I don’t include myself.
No, I can’t drink worth a damn myself.
During teacher parties after work I would end up being told the party would cost between $50 and $100. I thought OK, its a little expensive so I better get some value out of it. 
It was always all you can eat and all you can drink. If it wasn't, I made it into that situation.
I started off by stuffing my face with whatever I could find. If someone didn't like something or was full I offered to eat it for them (even scraps). By the end of the night, everyone was full and didn’t want the desserts. I’d ran around and eat 10 - 15 desserts. When it was any kind of fruit it was a bonus since fruit was so expensive and I always craved it. I contemplated bringing tupperware a few times. I was like a rat, eating on the leftovers. Perhaps that’s what they thought of me as. A rat. Nice! I might smell like one too. At least I was as hairy as one, according to them.
And, of course not just food but the drinking. I felt like if I was paying that much I better drink till near death. The choices were usually beer or hot sake called "atsukan". Since I’m allergic to beer that wasn’t really an option. Although after a few drinks I’d usually hit it anyway.
If you haven’t ever tried hot sake let me describe it to you. Its like a shock to your system. 
Even one shot can make you feel it. Or in my case, only one sip.
Since I was a gaijin (foreigner), everyone expected me to be able to drink. I didn’t want to let them down, so even though I weighed 130 lbs and I’ve never been a drinker, I gave it a go. Things never went well.

Let me explain that there were three reasons for me to try to drink.
1 Because I am cheap. I’m spending a lot of money so I need value.
2 Because they expected me to drink. I needed to live up to the hype.
3 Because they accepted me more as I drank, or at least I thought they did. There is a saying in Japan, that the only time one should insult their boss is whilst drinking. Maybe I can insult my boss for fun or perhaps my terrible students who I disdain?

On more than one occasion I’d stumble home by foot. Since the ditches were about 6 feet deep I don't know how I never fell in one. Although Nick (who I mentioned in previous stories is a wannabe Gangster / Italian - American, told me he did).
Although I once rode my bike and ran into a boulder, but that’s a story for a different time (next post?).

When I arrived home, if I hadn’t lost my keys I’d knock on the door for my girlfriend to let me in. She probably wanted to scold me (she isn’t Japanese), but she was usually half asleep. I would enter the apartment and if I was lucky only to puke all over the entrance.
I remember onetime being in bed, very comfy and throwing up on the tatami mat (reed mat) floor. Unluckily for me the area I had thrown up on was where the mats joined. The puke seeped through the cracks and it smelt like puke for 3 years! Man, it was gross.
Onetime I remember her asking me only to throw up in the toilet. As she lead me to the bathroom I threw up and I recall her saying “Great, you managed to throw up everywhere except in the toilet”. The bathroom also smelt like puke for 3 years! hhahahah. That’s funny and not funny at the same time. I really did a job on that apartment. I pity the person that took it over from me. Sorry Zack or the person who took it over from him. I'm sure you'll do the same anyways.

Be careful with all you can drink or you might end up like this guy. I almost did! 
A passed out superhero.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva