Demonstration on Riot Control for Newbies

Demonstration on Riot Control for Newbies

Be careful when wearing a tie. Although it looks professional it can be used against you.

  

Myles and his bloody demon students another part of the endless series.

Comments provided by Deo and Mike at end (witnesses below).


I don't even know where to start with this one.
On my third year of JET (JAPAN Exchange Teaching Program), I get asked to do a demonstration lesson for some new ALT's (Assistant Language Teacher).
I figured this is a terrible idea for 2 reasons
1) I'm not a very good teacher (ALT) and moreover
2) My school is full of demon children, how will they live through the 2 hour lesson? I don't wish that torture on anyone.

I tell Shobana I think its a bad idea to do it. He tells me I’m the most senior, one other senior gaijin teacher always sleeps in class, and the other has only been here 2 years only. In fact every time I heard stories from the guy that was only there 2 years, his classes inspired me to be a better teacher. Then when I'd get to school I'd just think, with some of these little demons I can't even expect to them to learn Hello, its going to come out HARO no matter what I do.
Mr.Shobana (education ministry teacher) calls me a few times at my school telling me I should do it and I'm such a good teacher (rub my ego). It usually works.
He calls me more and more and again I bring up the other Assistant Language Teachers and he said he can't be trusted. I laugh again.
So a date is set for me to demo lesson for Mike, Deo, Janna and May. I send them a warning email. 
The email tells them that I can't predict what will happen but most likely it won't be good. I told the girls they might want to cover their chests, because based on how they molest me they will probably molest them. So I'm pretty sure they all think I'm joking. As my stories sound a bit far fetched I realize this is a chance for them to see I actually do have demon students.
So one day they come and the head English teacher tells the classes there will be other foreigners coming to the class to see it. Some of the students say typically things, like "F#% the foreigners", "Tell them to go home to their country", "I don't want to, f@% them", etc. Perfect I thought, let them be themselves.
So they come to my first demo class which is a 2nd year class. I told the head teacher I thought this was a bad class to chose from because one of the boys was really bad. He said he wasn't that bad, compared to other classes. I insisted he was uncontrollable and it was a bad idea. He didn't listen. What else is new?
The new English teachers come into the class. They sit at the back. My students were not used to having a girl English teacher. Since my school always needed a male to take the beatings. Insert me as a rag-doll here.
The bad student starts talking as soon as they come in, "Oohhh her chest is so big, I want to touch". He keeps staring at the girls. I'm kind of pissed off that he is so rude even though I didn't think the other foreigners understood what he was saying. Then he looks at the Chinese Canadian girl "Is she Japanese? She seems weird for Japanese, but her chest is big too". The other students aren't reacting to what he is saying. Then he starts talking to the guy behind him saying he is going to look at the two gaijin and touch himself. OK, I'm a bit angry but I try to let it slide. I know he is bad, but he is making me look bad (even though I realized the English teachers didn't understand the dirty words coming out of his mouth). I didn't like it. Sometimes its nice to understand Japanese, other times not. If I said the kind of stuff he said, I would have had a bar of soap in my mouth, trust me, it DOES NOT TASTE GOOD!
Finally the class starts and the kid keeps blabbing as I try to get the students to repeat after me. I'm getting angry that he never shuts up and is so rude but try not to show it.
Finally the older teacher helper is trying to talk to him to settle him down. He is like "Get out of my face old hag, you stink". On this point he was correct, she was an old hag and she stank but that's a different story (which I've already posted in this blog if you haven't read it). Read it after if you haven't already.
He keeps telling her to get away and is threatening her. I didn't feel good about this, because apart from her being a hag and smelly she was an elderly lady and didn't speak any English (yet supposedly was to help in an English class? Seriously WTF!?). So this is also making me angry, plus the new English teachers can see this and do understand because regardless of the words he was saying he was acting threatening towards her. I cast a look at Deo and Mike and they see what's going on. May and Janna seemed more into the class and were doing a good job of ignoring the bad student.
Finally he starts calling to the girls "Hey big boobs, big boobs!!". I think Janna knew that he was talking to them cause she said something like"Turn around and listen!" He was like, "I don't know what the F#^# she is saying". Since we all start ignoring him he is now getting angry. I can tell by this sly look he is up to no good and planning something. Repeat I did warn the head teacher he is bad news.
Finally he grabs a hanger and bends it to hit other kids with. At first he is just hitting their desks and he is getting closer to them. This is the last straw for me. The head English teacher is doing jack sh#$, and the head of the education board is there and also doing jack. I'm like WTF? If I give him a gun and knife then will you finally react?

Yes you look super cool awesome and stand out, but kindly don't be a douche.

So I figure the best solution is to just take it away and continue as if nothing happened. So he is threatening this girl beside him and she keeps saying "Stop!" but he doesn't. So I walk over and I'm reading the textbook out loud and I grab the hanger. I walk back to the front desk and throw the hanger in the garbage. He starts yelling in Japanese "I'm getting angry, very angry! I'm going to get you, you are going to pay for that". I block him out and keep my face glued to the page trying to finish with the kids as the class is getting near the end. Then, all of the sudden I see some movement out of the corner of my eye. I try to ignore it as I wanted to get the text done. Suddenly someone grabs me by the shirt and tie and throws me on a desk ninja style (at mach 5 speed). I'm like whoaaaaa, Jesus! Finally Shobana and the head English teacher strike into action and grab his fist as he is about to smash it into my face. Better late than never I guess. I don't need plastic surgery on my nose, its big enough.
They kick him out of the class as he tells me he is going to kill me. Not with a hanger please, seems a bit too painful.
I rearrange my tie and shirt and continue on with the lesson. At this point I'm as sweaty as can be. So I'm like fu#k let's do this bitch and get it over with. I continue with the bullshit dialogue and the class ends.
After the class is over all the teachers watching say I did well under the pressure and it was sad I had to deal with that kind of crap everyday. I didn't tell them but I almost crapped myself (I think I did a little). I could feel the diarrhea ready to burst under the pressure.



Deo's Version
That dude got beat down.


Mike's Version
It was funny.


My blogpost about the old lady teacher.
The Toxic Smell of Age
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2011/12/toxic-smell-of-age.html

I think I need Wayne Brady's help next time.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

A Soccer Kick to the Demon Student Part 1

"A Swift Kick to the Shin should level things out I thought".


Have you ever wanted to a soccer kick someone in the face?
I have.


One my evil students, one of the worst in the school did his best to see if I could contain composure while going off at me. Unfortunately for him, I couldn’t.
I cannot emphasize how terrible he was. I heard him say a lot of terrible things, swear at minorities (Brazilian/ and Me), be racist, punch or kick teachers, say sexual comments to female teachers and abuse other students. He was never reprimanded to my knowledge. When I asked why he such a bad kid, a few of the teachers told me “His parents are divorced”. Dude, are you kidding me? Get of jail card because his parents are divorced, seriously WTF!?

I recall one day while attending a gym class the gymnasium was split into two sections, one for basketball and one for volleyball. One of the psychologists was there. She was saying something to him and he grabbed the volleyball and threw it into her face. I was across the gym and I could still see the upset / hurt look on the psychologist’s face. She never came back to the school. I wish I could say it was the last day for me too.

Ouch, that hurts. 

I also helped out during gym doing Judo classes, as you know I am part Ninja. It was OK until his class showed up. I hoped since Judo is quite a dangerous sport he would not do anything stupid.
Of course, he was an idiot so I should have been thinking how to minimize the stupid things he is about to do.
We practiced a throw which involves putting your leg between the person’s leg and throwing them. This throw could be slightly altered however by turning the throw into a kick to the balls, and of course the person would jump, instead of get thrown.

See where the nut kick comes in? Doesn't feel good.

After witnessing him do this to a few of his friends, the head Judo teacher was laughing about it. I didn’t see humour in getting a guys balls kicked in, but he far outranked me, so I shut my mouth.
Finally the head teacher says all the kids will get to throw our foreigner judo teacher (me) with their favourite throw and to announce the throws name before they did it.
When I got to him, I saw a glint in his devilish eyes. He said “Uchi mata” the throw which I stated above can be turned to a ball kick. As he went to put his foot into my nuts, I jumped avoiding the kick to the nuts. He yelled out “WTF! THIS GUY IS A WIMP! He is afraid of me!”.
And guess what, I was! He’s becomes the devil’s spawn due to his parents getting divorced. Cue cry me a river by Justin Timberlake here please. I don’t recall any of my friends whose parents are divorced do that kind of crap.


One day while the school it was hot as hell, he was doing his typical mouthing off thing. Saying stupid things and harassing other students. The main English teacher had left the room to get some papers from the staff office.
This left me with the devil incarnate and twenty other kids. Another five of them being his demon friends with heat that did feel like the fires from hell.
This one particular day he decided to spray himself with perfume. I would like to say it was cologne since he is a man, but due to its smell I can only guess it was some old lady’s perfume.
There could have been a number of reasons he doused himself with this foul smelling crap. On the top of the list is that either he smelled like smoke because he liked to do underage smoking, or perhaps the later, that he was an ass and wanted to annoy and harass other students.
Might have been a combination.
I never liked the kid and felt like there was something very wrong with him in the head. The things I had seen him done and the way he interacted with the other kids told me he was one bad dude.
There was weekly psychologists there to assess the kids. I didn’t really have much contact with them, but they came in and had talks with the bad kids, or would watch them interact in classes. They didn’t really say much to me personally, although I did one time breakdown to one of them and told her I wanted to soccer kick one of the kids in the face. I wondered if that was right to tell her, or if I had teacher patient, school psychologist confidentiality. Probably not.
I would hope its not abnormal to want to kick someone in the face.
Everyone must want to do it at some point in time to someone right?

BLOG Part 2 next time...... for continuation

Click here for Part 2
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/soccer-kick-to-demon-student-part-2.html

Ya like that. Only he sees it coming less.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Student Attack Uses Ultimate Weapon on ME!

If you don't know I was placed at a school in the hood.

I have a few stories about getting jumped by students. Here is one of them.

One day while watching soccer, I got attacked by one of my first year students.

Now, I don’t want you to think that by getting attacked, I mean verbally attacked. That was everyday of my life for the three years I was at that school. I’m talking physical abuse.

You are probably thinking how can a little kid hurt a muscular, top physical conditioned athlete like myself. Well, I’m neither actually I just mean hypothetically. The answer was by using a weapon.

As I was watching soccer, that little bastard ran his bike into my leg at full speed. Had I been a normal person I would have grabbed by his throat Terminator Style and crunched his windpipe. Or had I not been in a Zen state I may have sidestepped the bike, close-lined him, and followed that up with a quick knee to the nuts.

Unlike the Terminator “HE won’t be back!”

Subtitled above "ROSE PINK". It might not look dangerous, being a grandma style bike but trust me it hurts.

As it happens, I am a mellow person, despite what I said in the last paragraph. As he hit me in the leg and my knee started to bend the wrong way my first thought was rage. I couldn’t believe it. This kid had hurt me. I know that even babies can hurt people. They poke eyes, pull noses, have fists of rage that hammer into momma’s face. In a nutshell they can be demons. If you have a 12 year old with a weapon, like a bike, then you are in for an awakening. Introduce speed and a soft part of the body and you have max damage.

After my rage thought, I breathed in deeply and grabbed his handlebars. For a second I wish I was the HULK and could HULK SHASH his bicycle or at least handlebars into little pieces. Let him try to ride his bike with no handlebars, see how cool you are now.

How can I get Hulk's Power? Someone tell me!

I tried to push his bicycle away as he continued to peddle at full speed pushing against me. “What are you doing?”, I asked him. “Die foreigner, die!”, he answered. Not a very thorough answer to my question but nonetheless I know what he wants at least.

As you probably know in the animal kingdom the animals on top are the ones that look their enemy in their eyes and attempt to scare them off with intimidation, if that doesn’t work they eat them. In my case, I had no option to eat him, so I decided to go inside the school so he can’t attack my with his bicycle weapon. As I walked inside I saw him carrying his bike up the stairs. WTF? I hoped he wasn’t planning to bring it into the school, apart from attacking me, he’s going to get the school dirty. He just had his bike on the field (which is made of sand), so the sand will make a massive mess. I’m not cleaning it up. I’m a teacher (or perhaps a punching bag), not a janitor.

Yes you guessed it, the little demon started coming after me with his bike again inside the school. This time, he decide to mix it up, instead of going to my knee he he hit my ankles with his tires. I contemplated murder for about 5 seconds, before a teacher yelled in Japanese at the kid, “Don’t bring your bike in here!”. The kid answered, “Die, Mr.Impotence”. At least I have to give him props for that. Mr.Impotence? Who says that? Seriously, it is kind of funny. And as a bonus at least he doesn’t want only me to die. Although I do detect a bit of a theme going on here though with wanting others to die. Maybe he needs some counseling or better yet, perhaps I can suggest he take his bicycle to the highway and see if he can hit some cars with it? Yes, that sounds good.

Insert very evil laugh here.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

School Introduction. Wecome to the hood!

Welcome to your School


Oh and by the way you may be murdered.  
Wonderful I thought, I've come to the right place.
 

Next after meeting Onizuka sensei (read previous post to understand) was our school introduction. We all had different schools scattered throughout the city.
We were driven by Onizuka sensei to our school. It was located at the base of Shiga’s most famous mountain Mt.Fuji. Actually, it wasn’t Mt.Fuji, but it sure looked like it. It was called Mt.Ibuki. The school didn’t really look like much, a massive field for baseball, soccer and soft tennis. I noticed the field was made of sand. I was wondering where the grass was, I was thinking maybe its summer so its out of season or something. The school seemed kind of old and a typical looking school, white colour with lots of windows.

Not Mt.Fuji but looks like it. Kind of?

When we entered we used some crap jelly plastic sandals (which my foot didn’t even stick half way in) and walked into the staffroom. I guess I expected people to jump at us and be like "Hey welcome to your new home!", but there were barely any teachers in the staff room. We did some half ass-ed introductions then went to see the Principal. Based on the pictures I had received before arriving, I took it that the Principal and vice principal were very strict.Their pictures had shown two stiff faced, non smiling, suit clad men. Even though they say "Don't judge a book by its cover", I was judge, jury and executed based on the pictures.

Being sent to the Principal's Office! Uh oh!

We entered the Principal’s office and were greeted with a smile. My Japanese was rusty and I was really nervous. I knew that its important to make first impressions and I wasn’t sure where to start. The Principal made some small talk in Japanese about where we were from and about our lives. He then asked how we would teach English at the school. WOW! Hard question to start off, that I hadn’t thought about that at all. I figured it would come to me as I started.
The Principal then changed the topic to the history of the school. Although I didn’t understand every word, I did recognize one that stuck out “dowa mondai”. Being an Asian Studies Major (Its nothing to brag about. You end up teaching English in the hood!) I had studied it in University. It occurred to me it was kind of strange I was at this school, since I was sure 99% of the foreigner’s in Japan would have no idea what that meant.
Was it destiny I thought? I saw my new co worker did not understand what that meant and the Principal explained a bit about the word, that it was a people who were segregated in Japan, similar to outcasts (untouchables) in India. I wondered if this was why the school was so far from town and seemed to be the furthest except for one Elementary school. Hell it was at the base of Mt.Fuji (not Fuji, its a just a bad joke) so you know its cold.
I told the Principal that I had studied it. No comment from him. Maybe I was being cocky by telling him I already knew about it. He made what I thought was a joke. “I saw on your interview details that you do Judo”. Then he looked at my co worker, “And that you did Wrestling”. I smiled. I wasn’t sure how cocky I should be about it. I was never that great at Judo but yes I did consider it an important part of my life for a while. I answered that I had done it. He smiled, “You might need it”. I laughed. 
Little did I know it wasn't a joke. Crap!
Had I known what my next 3 years were going to be like, I should have asked for a baton, or possibly a taser. I was about to be introduced to extreme level 12 (or whatever level is bad) riot control. It was like I was in the WWF (not World Wrestling Federation) but World Wildlife Fund and people wanted to take me down. Or is that the World Bank? Whatever, same thing isn’t it?
Both result in pain and riots.
After our little chat in Japanese with the Principal we headed to the staff room. 

Shared desk in the middle of the room isolated.

My co worker an American, who looked like a Chinese guy and I, let’s call him “Lee”, cause that is a stereotypical name and I were shown  our desks. His name isn't "Lee" but to hide his identity from stalkers I'm going call him Lee. Its also Lee, cause Lee can be a Korean name. This rant is going to get longer. He was ethnically half Japanese half Chinese American, but most of his family grew up in Korea so to further complicate things he was also culturally part Korean.
So he looked Chinese, spoke some Japanese and Korean but was American. Confusing!
OK. Now back to the story. I had heard in a Japanese culture class the closer you are to the Vice Principal the more important you are. We were dead center of the room. Each grade 6,7,8 had 2 rows of desks facing each other for each years teachers.
Because my co worker and I had no definite year we were outsiders (which we already were). I looked around us. I stood out like a sore thumb x 2! We were placed at the end of the computer row. Maybe they were trying to separate those that were different and possibly diseased. That’s a good idea. Perhaps I should suggest masks as well. Or get a cage and keep the monkeys inside it. 
Haha, funny? A little, at least for me.
I’m not sure what they feed the kids in Japan now, because she was the size of an elephant only built like a tank, aka large and in charge. Her hair was kind of a orange yellow that looks like a wig after too many bad hair dye jobs. Her face had makeup (the first thing thought that occurred to me was, whoa at 14 years old!). Her muscles were bigger than mine. She walked into the staffroom yelling “Hey Teachers I’m bored, give me some money”. I was like, who is this monkey and who let her out of her cage? She started to yell something I couldn’t understand, must be some dialect words I thought. Then she saw me. She smiled and walked up to me. “Hi foreigner”. Umm hi to you too."You from America?". "No", I answered. She looked at me. "You are hairy". "Thanks." I answered. "Do you have any presents for me?." I was thinking first she insults me then she expects a present? What the deuce man? I went through my bag of stuff. I had brought lots of pennies from Canada. I thought they would be great gifts. 
1) They are shinny! Everyone likes shinny.
2) They are real money and best of all, DIRT CHEAP! 

She had no idea they were worth nothing mwahahah! The first question she asks me “How much is this worth in Japanese yen?”. Crap! I smiled, "Oh, ah, emm, I’m not sure how to convert it with the exchange rate and all”. I hoped she wasn’t smart enough to look it up online.

Since she never asked me about it again I can assume she was about as smart as she looked.

I should have just given her a banana. I doubt she would have even peeled it.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

Sand and Sports Don't Mix, Grass please

Sand and Sports Don't Mix

Can we get a little grass here?

You know the green soft stuff.

As we all know, no one on this earth wants to work more than they have to, especially if they are not paid for it. Its my right to leave as soon as my shift ends. I’m getting the hell out of dodge. I’m not Japanese and sorry even if you think, oh this barbarian should be able to understand everyone else is staying till late that he should to, I have no interest in doing so. Therefore I won’t.I have a life outside of work, and even if I don’t want to engage in something social with other people, TV or surfing the net will be fine by me.

Looking back at school. I'm out of here!

As soon as the clock hit 3PM I was always like, “Peace yo, I’m out of here”, only I said it in Japanese. I knew one foreigner that would go to the bathroom a few minutes before 3PM, run to his car and start it up. He was literally off property at 3PM and no one knew (maybe).
In my case as soon as I was off. However, a few times the teachers would ask if I’d like to watch any sports after school. Not really I thought, “Um sure for a bit”, I answered. I hoped a little but actually meant "not really, I'm just trying to be nice so that when you aren't looking I'm out the door sucker!
I sometimes watched soccer but I found it more interesting to play than watch. I had two main issues with playing soccer though. Either 1, the weather was extremely hot, as in hot like hell or so cold I felt like I was living in Siberia. Yes, and this coming from a Canadian - who could believe it? Issue number two was due to the field. I felt like I was putting my skin through a cheese grater. I would end up grating skin of my knees, shins, hands, wrists, arms, and elbows. This was due to the field being made out of sand instead of grass.

Play and cheese grate my skin or watch? Hmm..

During winter it would freeze and feel like cement when you fell on it. During the summer it would get in your clothes and shoes, and keep rubbing skin off even after you were off the field. The best part was when it would burn in your cut. You try to rub it out and it is like sandpaper rubbing your skin raw.

My last problem with the field was the sand vision, or should I say lack of vision. It was cutting my eyes. The students and teachers assured me it was an evil sand, that was brought to them by the evil Chinese. I often asked them, “Ahem, what do you mean by  that?”.

They would often look at me like I was someone who couldn’t comprehend even the most basic things.

“The Chinese send it here all the time, their purpose is to be terrible to us”.

Interesting I would think. I can understand that students are kids and therefore, may come up with tales of fantastical worlds, where little hobbits run around with a ring to rule them all, and little boys with scars on their heads use magic but Chinese throwing sand at them? Seems a bit far fetched. After hearing it from 5 teachers, I decided either it was true, or someone was brainwashing them.
I still didn’t really understand what the rant meant, so I looked it up online and read that the sands from the Gobi desert were lifted by winds and hit Korea and Japan. The desert is also expanding at an incredible rate and literally covers Chinese cities with sand. The internet doesn’t say anything about China using spoons, or possibly chopsticks lifting up grains of sand in the air and flinging them toward Japan. I was under the impression they thought the Chinese were doing it on purpose to them. I think that part was a bit of a stretch, but then again who am I to say? I am no scientist.
Another reason I would sometimes stay later was that I thought by playing sports with the kids I would get to have fun with them too. The only thing is although I’m not overly competitive at the same time I don’t hold back even when playing with children. If I have to body-check a few 15-year-olds to make our team win I don’t have any moral dilemma with that. Is that so wrong?
After a few body checks I think the kids knew I meant business. They probably suspected I would take it easy on them. They were in for a real awakening then. I started to play another game on the sand that a lot of kids played called soft tennis. 

Soft tennis. A Japanese made sport. No backhand?

What the hell is that you ask? Supposedly it was a game created in Japan. It is very similar to normal tennis except that the ball is a soft rubber one (to bounce on sand) and also that there is no backhand swing allowed (although I did a few backhands anyways) which threw them off their game. What better way to trick them then to do something they wouldn’t expect and not follow the rules! Take that! I win at last!

P.S. One day before a sports festival I helped the kids clean up the field. When I asked what they were doing they said picking out grass and it ruins the field. I was thinking of coming back nightly to lay grass seeds to protect myself and them from the sand. 

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Helpful links below


Links What is Soft Tennis?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soft_Tennis 

Gobi Desert Info
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gobi_Desert

Toxic Sand from China
http://www.terradaily.com/reports/Chinese_yellow_sand_hits_Japan_SKorea_officials_999.html