Hello Mr.Sparkle this way please

 Hello Mr.Sparkle

My childhood dream to become Mr.Sparkle came true, kind of.

We used to go to conveyor belt sushi a lot. You know the one where there is a small conveyor belt and the sushi is on a plate and goes around. You grab the plate and help yourself. Then the waitress adds the number of plates to determine how much the bill is.

If you have the balls. Hide the sushi plates under your table so they can't count them.

 
Anyways I totally loved it, how can’t you. We started going regularly with our group of gaijin (foreign friends). I would imagine I probably went over my dosage of mercury poisoning (tuna) but no long term health effects that I’m aware of (except for my brain, which my wife keeps telling me must be damaged).
This place I fancied was super cheap, only 100 yen (1$) a plate. Due to the incredibly good deal, half of the town seemed to have the same idea about coming. There was a wait list to write your own name.
I always liked the episode of the Simpsons where Homer finds the box with his face on it. Its a cleaning solution that has Japanese written on it. It says “Mr.Sparkle”. If you don't know it, its funny, watch it. 
I thought it was funny so on the wait list at the restaurant I would write it exactly that way “MISUTAA SUPARKORU” aka Mr. Sparkle. Most people would write their family names, and then the waitress would add “san” which is honorific for Mr or Mrs to each name.
In my case I didn't want the “san” I wanted MR / MISUTAA. I was excited and didn't tell the other foreigners I had written our group name as Mr.Sparkle. 
I was waiting for the trigger to be pulled. They would announce it the P.A. system and everyone would hear. I giggled like a little girl in anticipation. I think my friends thought I was high. If only....
To my dismay the waitress came forward and said the seat was ready.
My only hope of recovery from this was if I asked her to confirm the name out loud. She whispered quietly “Sparkle san”. F!!!!!! Complete FAIL.
I was kind of bummed about that so in the future I tried writing variations. Onetime I  wrote Mr. Gaijin (foreigner). They never said it. I tried Mr.TANAKA and one of them must have been watching me write it. They would lead us to the seat directly without an announcement.
I was disappointed at their non attempts to amuse me. I was tempted to hide some of my plates under the table so she couldn't count them. Or better yet, I should have left the empty plate on the belt and just take the sushi! Hahaha.
I didn't do it. I feared I’d be banned and also because I'm a wimp.

They also sell T-shirts of this online now. I guess its not only my childhood dream.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

Disillusionment Road: The Road to Sucksville

After a long day and then night in Kyoto I decided to head home.
As you recall from my other thirty blogposts I lived in a prefecture beside Kyoto, called Shiga.
Everyone knows Kyoto. Its one of the main cities in Japan, full of temples, shrines and Geisha (not prostitutes fyi and its pronounced GAY SHAH).

Kyoto, the city of awesome. If only I lived there instead of mosquito laced rice fields.

The capital of my prefecture was only fifteen minutes away by train, but unfortunately for me, I lived on the opposite side of the prefecture in the most countryside area possible ( just mosquitoes and rice fields).
This means if I wanted to get home I had to get the last train which went around 11PM from Kyoto to take these tacky subway lines to get to the main JR National train line.
Now, I may or may not have been drinking that night. If it incriminates me in anyway lets say I wasn't (but I was).
So my math may have been a bit off. I thought OK its 11:15 PM now, so I should be able to make it. Since I had worked it out onetime that the latest I could ever leave was 11PM while sober, I was probably making the wrong decision. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.
I fell asleep on the train (that's what alcohol does to people, although I may not have been drinking remember). I heard an announcement in Japanese stating that this was the last stop for the night. I was like perfect I'm home. My stop happened to be the last stop on the line for two years. My third year they extended the railway line and I got screwed over a few times (maybe other blog story?).
To my dismay I had arrived in Maibara city. The characters of Maibara means "rice fields" and that's all it is. Its the middle of nothing, its total sucksville! The only thing significant at all about it is that it is the only stop for some shikansen "bullet trains" in Shiga prefecture. In a nutshell, it sucks.
I guess this last train was only to Maibara for people wanting to take the bullet train.

Welcome to Maibara the station in the middle of rice fields, or as I call it, the place of suck.

So I had arrived at a place that sucks at 1215AM. I checked the list of trains. Everything had stopped except a bullet train to Tokyo. Hmmm.... might be fun I thought. Nah, I want to get home.
I had driven it a few times and it wasn't that far, only about 20 minutes by car. By foot shouldn't be that much different.
I looked at the train line map. Its only six stops I thought. How far could it be to walk? Surely not far.
Stupidity seemed to be my motto that day (and perhaps one might say other days as well).
It was a hell of a lot farther than expected.
Well that would be an understatement. To be precise let me tell u what googlemaps says. It quotes the walk as 8.5 km. 8.5 km doesn't seem like much but in the dark, trying to follow a train track, but let me assure you its very far.
Not to mention the inability to walk in a straight line (as I may or may not have been drinking).
I considered taking a taxi but the last time I did that that we had missed the last train and split the cost between four people. It was about $50.
I started my walk. My muscles were pretty sore and I hadn't had a drink since Kyoto (maybe). All the street lights seemed to stop as I got to the outskirts of town. I tried to use my cellphone as a flashlight, but it sucked.
I saw a few fireflies but the light they emitted was useless.
I'll never understand why in movies they make them seem like they can light up the dark path and you don't need flashlights, its all fantasy.
I followed the track as best I could, since I knew the track would reach a place near my house at some point.
I figured since its the last train, I'll only need to watch out for super high speed trains like the bullet train. I can just dodge them if they come (I am half Ninja afterall). I remembered reading something about the train tracks being electrified. I did my best not to stand on the track but beside it. I wondered if I should lay some pennies on the track to see them get flattened. That's always fun, at least when you are five years old. Or better yet, stick my ear to the track to hear when the next train is coming. But I worried I might sleep while I'm down there.
Two hours past and the train track seemed to vanish from view. I decided to stick to the roads.
I think I may have walked in circle for a bit. My girlfriend asked me where I was. I was honest, I told her I didn't know. For once it was no lie.
I started to run cause I thought it was getting a bit ridiculous at this point. I stopped seeing cars for a while. I wondered if no one drives at 230 AM or I had just gone the wrong way.
After three and one half hours I arrived home. My legs were sore as hell and I was covered in sweat from running.
I checked Googlemaps. It claimed the trip should only take 20 minutes by car or just under two hours walking. F! I must have walked in circles or something since that was over 2 hours.
I regretted not just paying the $50 for the taxi.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva