100% NO SMORKING!

Death by Smoking, or as I read sometimes NO SMORKING! Ha, funny! Kind of.

This blogpost is a bit of a rant and rave (not the rave with a glow-stick), with an overlying tone about smoking (smorking) in Japan.

OK. I think I know what to do. SMORK.

Surprise, you’re on candid camera (a cool TV show when I was a kid). Now its not candid and everything is on Youtube. Every last thing. From crunching your nuts on a rail to Justin Bieber (when he used to be a little boy singing from his bedroom and innocent, WTF happened!?). As a footnote (YA I'M PUTTING IT IN THE WRONG PLACE! I should mention I've noticed a staggering increase of cute cat videos. Strangely their origin is from Japan. But that's a different puzzle to solve (you might say like a Rubix cube. Its still less hard than licking your own elbow with your tongue. That's a fact, try it! If you are in public maybe not at this exact moment).

Exactly. Or you can take the colour stickers off and re add. I did that a lot!

Back to the topic at hand, or should I say lungs (HA! Funny for me, but not funny for smokers lungs).


WTF is with smoking (and WTF is with Justin Beiber, as a footnote again).

You are literally sucking in cancer.

Its hard to stop, and you are addicted to a drug/ narcotic called "nicotine" (or maybe I should make a catch phrase "cancertine". Regardless its bad for you! (and you probably don't need me to keep going on and on about it. Cancer isn't even the worse thing about it).

OK let me continue my rave (still without glow sticks. Glow sticks later), cause its sort of funny and could hit close to home. Do you like sex? If yes you shouldn't smoke. Why? Because it decreases blood flow to your special regions for both males and females. Have you ever seen that commercial where the guy is at a club, and a hot girl walks by, he starts to smoke and the cigarette bends. That's what happens! (like a glow stick snapping) 

I think this is the video. It brings back memories (not good ones. Not that I smoked. But I sometimes watched GI JOE and I wasn't supposed to. If I got caught, let's just say things didn't end well for me).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYu8crlRe9g

I should show that clip in Japan. Maybe they'd start burning piles of cigarettes like Kenya burns piles of ivory (its been in the news recently, so I'm trying to incorporate it to make it "current").

As you know, many people in the West have moved towards anti smoking movements and popular culture doesn't reference it like the (good) old days. But not in Asia, and especially Japan. Karaoke boxes, bars, etc stink! Worse than a campfire blowing in your face from 1 inch away (you know what I mean).

Hell in Japan if you are young, not much stopping you. You could even buy from a vending machine (or female panties if you prefer. Why not get both?) Most of the bad kids at my school smoked but I'm not sure if they stole them or they had a vending machine dealer (probably stole them, but that's just my opinion, which is almost always right).

When I first arrived in Japan the teachers smoked around the staff room with the windows open, so I was unlucky enough to have the smoke enter the room/ my lungs and my clothes. Since most of them were smokers, they didn't seem to care about the non smokers (the joy of being the minority, not only a devil foreigner but a non smoker. I think it would be even harder to be a women, so guess I shouldn't say life is that hard for me).

I also felt bad at restaurants or parks as people smoked very closely to non smokers and pregnant women. Seemed the clock had been turned back 50 years to what America once was. At least women have the right to vote (which happened in 1945, AND that's your history lesson for today, btw incase you aren't a mathmagician, 1945 is over 50 years from 2016, so maybe turn that clock back a bit further).

I recall one-time going to a restaurant and I requested non smoking. I thought it meant the smokers are locked in a glass cage with separate ventilation or outside patio so those poison toxins can disperse. But alas, it was not to be, non smoking may be a bit of a falsehood. There was a sign, half of restaurant said non smoking and the other half smoking. I hoped there was an invisible forcefield to prevent the smoke entrails from entering my large (devil-like foreign) nostrils. There wasn't.

I felt like I was in this box. Instead of having an area for the smokers.

Let me lay it down flat for you (like flat Earth Theory. By the way if you are adamant its true, why not take a boat around the world and see if you fall off).

Smoke goes different directions, its particles (basically the sh#t) in it, goes into your lungs, nostrils, clothes and about every other thing around you. The tables, your food has particles of sh#t thank to smokers. Why can't people smoke trees? They inhale carbon dioxide and breath out oxygen? I think that will be part of my new experiments with advancing the human anatomy (don't tell PETA, or any other organization that doesn't like me tampering with humans DNA, from the lowly chromosome up. I'm just kidding FYI (maybe). Don't walk through my block at night though, you might come out with an extra ear.

When I got home from that smokey restaurant, my wife commented
"Did you take up smoking? Cause you stink!"

At least not my body odour for once.

Of course! The answer is always INSULTING CHUCK NORRIS!

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future.

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )

http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 

My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)

http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva