Inappropriate & Indecent Proposals

If you haven't seen the movie, you might not get my word play of the title.
Indecent proposal is a movie where Demi Moore has a raunchy one nighter with a millionaire while married. Her husband and her agree to it as long as they get one million dollars.

I definitely had some very inappropriate and indecent questions (or proposals). Unfortunately not for a million dollars (I'm still holding out hope).


I had one student that used to ask how big I was. I would always answer different answers when I knew very well she was asking about a certain body part.
She was asking how good were my goods (very good I assure you). Worth a million dollars you might say.

HMmmmmMM.....

Sometimes I thought it was funny so when she asked how big are you, I'd respond "Well, my sandals are an "L" in Japan". She'd be like "NO! Your other size".
"Oh my height? Well I'm quite tall in Japan, although in Canada I'm kind of average".
"No! Your real size!?", she'd yell at me.

If I wasn't interested in playing her game anymore I'd just respond totally inappropriately.

"Huge! Like an elephant! And I mean the trunk", I'd tell her.
"All Gaijin (foreigners) like that?" she'd ask.

"No, just me", I'd say.

I assure you, bigger than that.

I hope her life wasn't hinged on that or she may be in for a big surprise (or should I say a smaller one, LOL snap). It'll be like the 5 Shades of Grey (missing the other 45 shades).

I may have mentioned a few times I got invited to a few kompa (dating parties). As you know I was living with my Canadian girlfriend, so it made no sense for me to go. But for some reason I guess it was cool to bring a gaijin (foreigner) who can speak Japanese so I got lassoed into it (like Wonder Women's truth lacrosse. This is a foreshadow readers).

I thought I should make it very clear that my intention was only to make friends and I was playing wingman for the other two Japanese dudes. So after a few minutes I usually said "Ya,.... umm so I have a girlfriend". The mood suddenly changed.

One of the girls asked why I would bring this up, when I could have just gone along with it and seen how far I could get (oh the problems with morality).

This one girl either thought I was joking or was testing how far I was willing to go to the dark side. Let me assure you, I am no Sith Lord, I'm more like Obi Wan Kenobi (if you don't know any Star Wars references, I'm saying I'm innocent and old). Based on my jokes you probably know its true (except for the 59 Shades of Grey references, that stuff be risque. Whips and stuff yo).

"What are you doing after the kompa?", a girl once asked me. I felt her question was without an innocent intention. "Well... uhhh, take the train home and then go drink some water, brush my teeth and go to bed". After a slight pause "And kiss my girlfriend before I go to sleep ....".

"Do you want to do anything else?", she asked.
"I wouldn't mind some tea, I've had enough sake", I told her sincerely.
"Like anything else?", she said.
"No, not really", I told her.

Either she thought she needed to spell it out for me, as in S P E L L or I just wasn't the smartest cookie in the cookie jar. Not the sharpest tool in the shed (sadly true. Read my other blogposts as proof).

So she kept going.
"Would you like to come to my place?", she asked.
"Ummmmm.... I left my toothbrush at home, so better to go home, also I like my own pillow", I told her.

She definitely got the hint I was playing hard ball or assumed I was the most daft (idiotic) person she's ever met (hopefully she doesn't think all foreigners are like that just like the other girl and the elephant joke above).


I told her the other two guys are available and she told me they weren't good. LOL.
I hope they aren't reading this. If you are it was her that said it, not me.

When my girlfriend asked how my night was I'd tell her.
"It was OK, but weird. I went to a party to get in a relationship then I castrated myself.".

She asked why I always needed to be so dramatic. I told her I tell all the other girls I'm into simple things like sleeping, drinking tea and sleeping on my own pillow.

She retorted, "The most simple thing about you is your brain."
What else is new.

What can I say, I like a girl that puts me in my place.

Maybe I should have told the girl I like forts and need to go home to build one.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva