My Terrible Advice

My Terrible Advice. 
Or I guess more aptly put about my terrible advice "what else is new".

Enjoy all that!

I had student that was a little touched (I don’t mean touched by an Angel, I mean touched by special needs). He was a great kid.

He was not only a student at the school I got beat down at (or should I say taught at), he was also on the city Judo team I was a member of. Too bad the Judo didn't help me from being abused by students. I should have taken RIOT control training (the armour would be useful as well. I'd even take knight armour and use a lance to keep those rioters away).

My special student's name was Genki. If you don’t know the word “Genki”, it basically means "healthy". A deeper meaning is enthusiastic, energetic, lively.

Genki was energetic about only one thing, passing gas. He was like a flatulence machine. I wondered if they could run a city off his gas, and time wise I'm thinking... for at least eternity.

During Judo I would try to be nice and let him get me in a hold (big mistake). Shortly after, I would be tapping or suffering due to the air becoming most detestable (rather sh#tty literally). 
I remember a few times he went to throw me and he would push so hard gas would erupt like a volcano spewing ash on Pompeii (the movie just came out on DVD by the way). The mats around him would clear as the smell would kill all living things in its wake (that's not sarcastic, its a lie).
I wondered if perhaps the mats may have been sprayed with anything else besides gas based on the smell. Since we wore white judo gi's (uniforms), it should show up easily unless it fell through the joints of the reed (tatami) mats.

I should mention I just did a quick Google search on human flatulence which says human gas is composed of mostly non-smelly gases (and the normal stinky ones).These include oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen and of course our smelly friend thrown in, methane. In his case I wondered if his was slightly more smelly than the average human (Obviously also contributing heavily to the GREENHOUSE effect, infact he may be the leading cause). 

Auto carrot! Ha love it.

Here is a poem line I added from Shakespeare with my own spin.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet". This is meant to be some sort of wordplay as well.  I'm not sure if I could somehow change it to 
"Gas by other person would smell as bad, but as I can verify, not quite".

By the way if interested the scientific study of flatulence is called “flatology”. There must be someone out there who is down to study it (down is an attempt at wordplay again, but its not that amusing perhaps). I see now why I was an English teacher.

I think that's a real sign. Straight outta Compton ya'll!

Back to my story.

I semi-mentioned this in a previous blogpost.

Oneday while walking the school (and hoping not to get knifed in the back) I came across three of the worst kids at the school who looked to be about to beat the heck (actually sh#t) out of Genki (was a maybe to being both literally and figuratively).

No teachers around to save him.

Oh sh%t I remembered I was a teacher, but I didn't still didn't want to mess with those mofo's.

I decided to play “The crazy foreigner card” because that’s all I had and I didn't want to have the sh$t beaten out of me too. I suddenly remembered that one of them had kicked me in the face on my first day of classes. So I knew he would be more than happy to do it again. I semi contemplated revenge but the numbers were not in my favour at this point.

I walked up. “Hey there Genki? Should I kick your ass at Judo again?”.

The bullies snickered. I pretended to throw him and put him in a headlock.

They seemed bored, said something about how I'm an as$hole for ruining their fun and left.

I cornered Genki.

“Umm, you do Judo. You should hurt them. And hurt them bad, that's why we learn Judo”. Probably not advice that should be given by a teacher. I'm sure other people learn Judo for other reasons but in my case, it was in hopes of staying alive.

I considered mentioning throwing sand in their eyes and kicking them in the balls as well.

He bowed to me. I don't think he realized I had helped him. I think he thought this is my teacher and even if he a stupid foreigner (and gives crap advice), he still had respect for me (he was one of the few).

If you have the skills you might as well use them.
As Spiderman's uncle Benny or Jerry (not the ice cream) once said "With great power comes great responsibility Peter, GENKI (whatever your name is)".
My motto was with bullying comes side effects, you threaten me, I throw sand in your eyes and kick you in the balls. Ideally I don't get knifed later.

I took a hard look at Genki and realized my advice was lost on him. I decided to simplify it.

I suggested next time he came in contact with them he should just pass gas. If they start saying bad things just let it loose like he did at Judo, it will shut them up for sure because they can't breath.

I could vouch for that.

Maybe I should have suggested throw a match and run too.

I haven't ever tried that one, but it sounds like its worth a try.

Other funny stories from this blog 

http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)

http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/ 


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva