The Monkey Army

Crap, A Monkey Army

This army wants their persimmons, watch out!

You know I would have never associate Japan with monkeys. In my mind, monkeys are from Africa and roam the jungles with Tarzan. But, believe it or not, there are a lot of monkeys in Japan (I was going to go for a joke here, but might be a bit risky).

I went to a couple tourist attractions that had signs warning of the impending dangers of the surrounding monkeys. If you were unlucky they might throw rocks at you or steal your food. Or if they were in a really bad mood, throw excrement (big word for pooh) at you. Luckily for me, I didn't have those issues.

They don't hope to be such a monkey. Dreaming of good food? Eat leaves instead.

If you’ve read my previous blogposts you know I worked from 8-4pm everyday. One morning I got a call from one of the English teachers at 6AM. First thought, why are they calling me so early? “Hello... ...so sleepy... yes?”. “Good morning!!! Do you want to do monkey patrol with me?”. “What is it and No is my pre answer”. “There was a reported sighting of a monkey eating vegetables in a patch near the school, the local parents need us to protect the children from them”. I thought it was a joke. 
“Ok good luck I’m going back to bed, enjoy your monkeys”. Tell Curious George not to be so curious. Curiosity killed the cat after all, does the monkey think he escape the same fate?

At the morning meeting the principal quoted that a monkey had come down from the mountains and was eating vegetables and may interfere with the children. I was guessing the monkey might ask them to skip school and eat raw vegetables with them or something. So mischievous!

One of the vice principals invited me over to his house a few weeks later, which happened to be in the mountains where that monkey supposedly came from.

His mother who was about 90 years old was standing outside. He mentioned they had a kaki tree, which I knew to mean a persimmon tree.

As I sat outside, the ninety year old mother came over to me, grasping a tiny sapling tree trying to stay still. I hoped the tree wasn't about to give way with her swaying. I put my arms out to catch her just incase it did. “Hello” she said in Japanese. “Did you want some kaki? We should eat them quick before the monkey army comes again, those little bastards come in droves.” I started laughing. 
I wondered if she could see I was in a foreigner, her accent was a local one, tainted by local dialect.

“Do you get a lot of monkeys through here?”,  I inquired. “They are an army! They come by and eat every kaki on that tree, its bare by the time we get to it. How will we put an end to the army? Each year it gets bigger. Maybe they are training others”, she said.

“Hmmm... sounds like a real issue perhaps we should inform the police”, I half halfheartedly joked.

She had a serious look on her face, but wasn't focusing on me, so I still doubt she knew I wasn't Japanese, “Tried that. Informed the police that they had got all my fruit on my tree and they didn't fight them about it”.

After a few minutes of her swaying and mumbling about the good days, I told her I knew an English teacher who happened to do monkey patrols each morning. I informed her I would request he add her kaki tree and the surrounding mountains to his patrol.

She seemed to be looking at me and asked my name.

I told her "Nakamura" to do with the whole “ I'm Japanese theme”.

I briefly considered answering “The grandfather monkey”, but I didn't want to give her a heart attack.

I wanted to tell her I was the head monkey planning on the persimmon tree attack.

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Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


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