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| I didn't even need the chopsticks, due to my ninja skills. |
I was at my neighborhood Judo club one night. I had a bit of a cold so I figured I would take it easy. I thought wrong! The teacher who is the best at groundwork (chokes, armlock, pain locks) called me over. “Hey, come and do groundwork with me”, he said. OK I was thinking, I’ll just go one time and very lightly. So we started off really going at it, eventually he ended up with me on my back and he started to crush me with his weight. I knew he loved chokes so one was probably coming, but I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.
Something fell into my throat and I couldn’t breathe. He started to choke me at the same time, and I felt like throwing up. It felt like I was being choked from the inside out and well as from the outside, like someone took a lego block and shoved it down my windpipe. I tapped and he didn’t let go. “Don’t be a wimp, the choke is barely on”, he said to me. I started to see aurora borealis and then more colours dancing in the sky (cool rainbow of death). Perfect I thought, I am about to die. He probably saw me turning purple but because he is a stubborn S.O.B he didn’t let go. “What’s with you tonight? You don’t usually give up so easily? You are a wimp”, he whispered into my ear. Hmm, insult on top of slowly draining my life force, that’s nice.
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| This is what I saw and I started to pass out, beautiful. Then, I started to die. |
As my eyes flickered for the last few times, he eased up a little but held the position (good only a little brain damage), but whatever was in my throat was going further down. It felt like someone had just taken a spoon and was ramming in down my throat. And by that, I totally mean the round end, all the way to the base of my throat and moving it back and forth like the bottom of the ice cream bucket, getting the last bit. The air couldn’t even enter my nostrils or mouth, it felt like the life was being sucked out of me (maybe he’s a vampire? But his breath smelled like garlic so maybe not). What seemed like forever, was probably about 20 seconds. As I stopped moving to try to save myself from death the judo teacher let go (or was I unconscious and just dreaming that?). Somehow I ended up on my side and then someone pushed my back (resuscitation technique), I turned over with my face towards the mat and started throwing up. Only the bile couldn’t pass whatever was in my throat. Guess what came out!? A huge fly! It must have either flown into my throat or was on his judogi (judo clothes). So my eyes were all watery and I felt like half the fly was still in my throat. I had a feeling part of it was because when it came out it was dead as a nail, and tasted like one too. Nasty! The judo teacher finally retorted, “Is that all? You think that was blocking you? You should have blocked the choke”. I didn’t know if he was joking, the size of the fly was the biggest I’ve ever seen in my life. It reminds me of something exotic which only grows in the Amazon or something. There were a lot of Brazilians in my town, maybe one of them brought it as a pet. Secondly how do you block a choke when you are pre-choking before the judo choke is even on. Its a little overkill, or in my cause almost kill.
I continued trying to breath properly for the rest of the night, but it felt was if there was something rancid in my throat, possibly the wings or the taste of the bile that pushed the fly out in the first place.
Gross!
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Other funny stories from this blog
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/
My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/
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