The Scooter and The 3 Idioteers!

Accidents aren't usually funny, unless they involve someone getting hurt and its not me. Well, the accident the other day was a bit of both.

I bought a scooter for about $300 American. Seemed like a good deal, but it has a few holes in it, it has been in an accident or 2 but I thought it seemed OK. As long as the holes aren't in the gas tank, or I’ll be throwing money away. hahahhaha holes in the gas tank, that would be funny. Leaking behind me as I drive, it could be like in a movie I just need someone to light a match on my gas trail. Cool... until I blow up.

Not my exact scooter but similar "puke" green colour.

Well the girl I was buying it from was there, and she said I should drive it once to try it out, so I went around the parking lot as slow as I could, not only to not embarrass myself as I’d never ridden a scooter before, but also cause if there was some problem with it and I didn’t like it I better not damage it.

Later in the day I saw 3 Gaijin English Teachers hanging out. TR, Matt and Nick who asked if they could try it. Sure I thought, what’s the worst that could happen. Let me tell you from experience you should never think that way. Upon taking the scooter out, I turned it on and didn't turn the wheel away from the fence. As I gassed it, I accelerated full speed into the sharp fence and my leg got stuck between the fence and bike. I couldn't remember where the break was and kept accelerating. So I cut my leg, my hands were crunched into the fence and the bike kept going. I see the neighbours behind the fence went inside, possibly because they thought a Gaijin had just been released from the insane asylum. Maybe they were right. I was very embarrassed but laughed it off. They were all laughing too.

Nick asked for a go on it. He grabs it and does it a little turn, then all the sudden he accelerates at full speed and pops the front wheel into the air, it was completely vertical. I was thinking that is so funny, man he must be really good with this thing to feel confident at controlling it like that. Who in their right mind pops a wheelie(if that’s what you young ins call it these days).
Seconds later I realized he wasn't in control. He was heading for a cement wall at full speed. You might imagine a little scooter doesn’t go that fast, but yes, especially while popping a wheelie it can go. He smashed into the wall and the front tire crashed into the window of our apartment building. I was sure it broke/cracked. My bike crashed and fell down and the sound of many things shattering echoed in the parking lot. The other 2 were laughing except me and Nick. As I looked around at the chaos I noticed for the first time a 12 pack of beer on the ground. I guess they were all drunk, but I hadn’t picked up on it. I guess I don’t pay attention to detail (must be why my girlfriend always says I have Attention Deficit Disorder).
Nick got up and his hands were all crushed from the bike. I was thinking looks like he will have a lot of bruises. I saw him a week later and his hands were purple and blue. Oh well, serves him right, he broke my bike. Karma is a b#*@h.
The rear tail light was completely shattered on my bike. Likewise, the fender cracked off. I don't know what else except for paint chips, random pieces of metal all over the ground (where did all the metal come from? Probably not that important, just the screws holding my scooter together). He probably just added a few more holes as well, hopefully not in the gas tank. I was thinking it was my chance to just spray paint it a new colour as the puke green looked bad anyways.

Our building. Just behind the tan car he hit the window.

Nick didn’t want to seem less manly so he didn’t really say much about it.
A week later he told me he would give me about $20 bucks for the repairs.
I got a new tail light that cost $30, the chipped paint I didn’t do anything about. I decided it added character. As for Nick, well he didn’t give me the $20. He never really lived up to any of his promises, except for inserting me into one of his rap songs, where he made me yell about AK47’s, Glocks, and M16’s. I don’t even know what those are. 

Not Nick, but someone that looked like him.

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva

  

The Tale of the Snow Monkeys

Snow monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey before? They look kind of human like share the majority of our DNA, but at the same time they are filthy. Covered with hair, poop into their hands and eat it. There is definitely a bit of a missing link between us as species, well at least most of us. Regardless of their imperfection, you can almost see the human in them. Apart from leathery skin, hair and poop, their eyes and gestures sometimes seem like us.

So cute or so I thought at first.

Now Imagine a baby monkey and how cute it is. Change that brown hair to mostly white and that the monkey’s don’t live in a forest canopy and play in a hot spring. Their lives revolve around frolicking in the snow. I wish I could do that.



 
If you can imagine that then you’ve thought of something truly magical in Japan (No, not the magic kingdom in Tokyo, which is cool. Instead of spinning teacups they have spinning sushi, just kidding).
As I mentioned before snow monkeys are very cute, but at the same time you have to take precautions. They are stronger than us and have an attitude when challenged. We were told don’t look directly into the monkey’s eyes as that means you are challenging them. The bigger ones have arms the size of crowbars and can tear a human male in half if they wanted to (in theory anyways). They seemed docile enough as we approached. I looked into the babies eyes. At first I saw his hands that looked so human like except their nails looked painted black and the palms of the hand more leathery.

One angry snow monkey.

One monkey seemed not impressed I was looking at the baby and charged me. I turned my eyes the other way. I saw all the monkeys playing in the hot spring. I thought how cute it was and it seemed like they were having a bath in a jacuzzi together. Then I thought wow this is amazing maybe I can jump in with them and swim around. That cute thought abruptly ended when I saw a mother monkey take a number 2 (aka feces) into the hot spring on her baby. The baby picked it up and ate some, sick! How much DNA do they share with us again?
I saw them running around like dogs a bit and throwing feces at each other, that’s cute I thought, just don’t get any on me.

 

Then I saw two monkeys rolling up a big ball of snow. What the heck are they doing? Then for a brief moment I thought I had a telepathic moment with one of the monkeys, its human eyes staring at me. They were building a snowman? Maybe they could use fecal matter instead of a carrot for a nose. Perhaps I could teach them, the teacher always comes right out of me at the most appropriate times.I guess my telepathic power of persuasion didn’t work because the biggest monkey picked up the ball and threw it on the head of a smaller monkey who now ran away and cried with its hyena cackle. I picked up a snowball myself just in case this monkey wanted to engage in Mortal Kombat. 

The monkey made the right choice and left the second large ball of snow on the ground. Had he chosen to fight me, I would have face washed him. He would have been getting snow out of his nose and mouth for days! Cute, but definitely not the most perfect of god’s creations. Made in our image but not close enough it seems. I still suggest you see them at least once. Heed my advice, don’t stare in their eyes they will either suck you in with their cute looks or cause you to run away screaming like a little girl hoping they won’t kill you. I did a bit of both to be honest.

Don't jump in. Its not clean even though it looks kind of magical.

To see more about snow monkeys see Wikipedia article at 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_macaque

If you found anything above amusing or even slightly funny help me out and click one of those boxes above or give me a Google +1 or something. Might come in handy in the future. If only it could make me some money. That would be even nicer!

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUXxArlapy0

Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva