The sound of death, its not that nice!

The sound of death, its not that nice

What’s that sound? Its like popcorn popping. Oh wait, that’s the sound inside my spine. No one else can hear it? That can’t be good.

Pop pop went my neck. Wonderful!

Oh the joy of pain.

Incase you haven’t read previous blogposts of mine, I don’t enjoy pain, and yet pain seems to follow me like an angel sitting on my shoulder. Only the opposite. A devil poking me with his 3 pronged poker. And razor blades attached to the ends.

The devil poking me in the neck, or actually spine.

So here is the story of the time I broke my neck, sorta.

I had been attending Judo quite regularly. 

If you aren't sure what that is short version is, its throws, sweeps, chokes, holds, strangulation and armlocks. There are no kicks or punches despite Austin Powers and his "JUDO CHOP!".

I mentioned I was going regularly. While I’d like to say I was getting good, that’s not quite true. I was getting good at armlocks and chokes. Possible due to some influence from my Brazilian friends who did Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). My throws were terrible. They probably wondered why I was learning about as fast as a rock.

Well there was one teacher and he really didn't like gaijin (foreigners). I could tell this by the way he looked at me. I always felt like if he saw me in the alley he’d hit me on the head with a crowbar if he could. I always tried to rush out either before or after him, in hopes he didn't bring a crowbar behind me. I'd usually bike away at low speeds on my granny bike (up to 1km/ hour).

In his Japanese way, he liked to pretend to be nice to me (with a smile no less), but I felt deep down it was all "for show".

One night I caught him in a choke. He submitted. I've never seen him submit before. He got mad and the look on his face suddenly changed. No more Mr. Niceguy (or fake nice guy). He started getting really aggressive with me. Sadly for me, I'm kind of wimpy (as in bones and no muscles), so it doesn't take much to crunch me like a peanut. And a peanut I became.

There are legal / illegal and inbetween moves in Judo. I think the move he did on me was more illegal with borderline half legal written all over it.

I tried to armlock him while I was on my back, he pushed my legs towards my neck and grabbed my hands underneath my back. I couldn't breath since I was crunched,  I couldn't make a sound as my lungs were deflated like a whoopie cushion. I couldn't tap with my hands, couldn't tap with my feet, and realized my neck was starting to spin like I was an owl. I felt like those ghosts in movies who can turn their heads all the way around, only mine wasn't supposed to due to me still being alive.
But that was OK cause I was about to die and then it would be normal.

He applied more pressure to my legs which were now against my shoulders pinning me. My neck was twisting and slowly bending the wrong way.
Since I wasn't breathing the good news was I was seeing colours. My neck was being bent and I couldn't use any neck muscle to prevent it from snapping. I felt the muscles tear (a wonderful feeling I might add, NOT!!).
I realized I was about to die and quite a painful way to go. If only I had a few more seconds before everything went black and also before my head popped off (almost like a Jack in the deathbox).
I heard some crunching like someone stepped on twigs. Maybe I was being sacrificed to the Judo Gods.
Then, I realized it was my neck.
The Judo teacher stopped and asked if I was OK. I realized I was still able to move but it felt like I was in a trance. No not good I said.
I rolled off the mats, at least I could still move.
The bad news was my trance was ending and the pain rushed in. If I was in Canada I would have called 911 but I was in Japan so I forgot the emergency number.
I biked home with my head and neck ringing and crunching.
Every time I moved I felt like someone was holding my head down and something was snapping within my spine.

For the only time in my life I wished I were an owl. I might live with my neck like that.

I did something stupid the next day.
I rode my scooter to school. If I was smart I would have taken my bicycle but I was late and in pain.
I got on my scooter and put my super heavy motorcycle helmet on. I felt like my spine was being compressed like the pressure of the bottom of the ocean in 10,000 leagues under the sea (never saw it, but I did see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which was not as bad as the reviews said).

The helmet was heavy on my neck already without it being broken. 

I got to work and realized I was having problems keeping my head off my desk.
I went to the Doctor and told them my neck hurt and explained the injury.
They told me I had broken my neck. They strapped me down to a bed.
I said "Listen I rode here on a scooter and I wore a motorcycle helmet, my neck can't be broken".
The Doctor checked my neck and said he can't detect broken bones but I need an MRI to check for smaller cracks or cartilage damage.
In the meantime he said he explained in the worst case scenario its a small bone. 
If its cartilage, in theory it should heal.
It didn't.
MRI showed some tissue damage C4-C5 but no broken bones.

My neck hurts still 6 years later, I feel like I have the neck of a 90 year old with severe arthritis.
I even asked Santa once for a new neck, but sadly I didn't get one.


On the plus side I don't take painkillers anymore.
On the negative side I don't feel "high" from the painkillers anymore.

On the plus side I didn't die.
On the negative side, I wanted to die from the pain many times.


HA!


Other funny stories from this blog 
http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related)
http://eyethroughtheglass.blogspot.ca/


My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)
http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva