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Sunday, December 24, 2017

Tricked into Modelling

I think I may have mentioned this somewhere in the first 20 or so blogposts of the 300 I posted. If not, please feel free to re-read them all (and somehow hopefully that will make me big bucks. If you think of a way let me know).

I should say I maybe endowed this story a little bit to make it sounds better than it was (though its hard to endow a story of this caliber).

I was asked to model, and I figured why wouldn't you ask a nice looking lad like myself (I'm not being too cocky I hope). That's called a fact (not fiction. I used to get them confused in Elementary school). I though Aliens were real and Pyramids were fake.

I thought I was unique being asked to "model". Like a lucky gold horseshoes, 1 in a bazillion (fact or fiction? hahaha). I later found out 4 other foreigners (from my University in Japan) were asked to as well. That's called being hoodwinked (butter you up, then tell you you are not special). I was just one straw among the many (and not even the lucky short straw).  And FYI short straw isn't a reference to anything, if that's what you are thinking.

I also thought, when they said "model", I thought they meant pay model. I didn't clarify (and in retrospect perhaps I should have. That was dumb of me).
Yes there were a few kinks in the cable if you know what I mean. Technically I was a student, and modelling wasn't allowed, I had limited options for jobs and none of them involved selling my body (and I mean any piece of it, cause I was highly interested for the right price of course).
I hope I don't come across that sleazy with that comment. As they say on SHARK TANK, everyone has a price (but they are usually talking companies and not perverted stuff. I prefer perverted. Well most people are following NASDAQ stocks, I'm follow Harvey Weinstein's drama.

I guess hammering the details out of being a "model" after the fact, was a bad choice for me.
I should have asked for a contract, about my appearance and future royalties.

We were told we were going to Osaka to a big stage where they people will dress us up and do our makeup.

When they said dress up, perhaps I should have asked, dressup in what? Suits? Designer jeans?   Alas, I did not..... dumb again I am. About as smart as a rock (at least that's why my teacher used to say. Just kidding, no teacher would say that to a child, that's soul crushing).

I had only worn boxers not underwear (yes TMI, but I need to tell you for an element to the story soon to come to fruition). I've been waiting years to use that word "to fruition". Sorry, I get distracted so easily, ADHD issues again...

Sorry blog is showing my ADHD today x 1000. 

We were told this was a volunteer job, but that the train ride would be reimbursed, and they would pay for a lavish dinner (I was dreaming of silverware and wine on a long table. The food would be on long silver trays and covered with massive silver domes). That also, was a grave error on my part. Strike 3?

When we go to their school "OSAKA MOODO GAKUIN", I was like this is dope man (as in "cool" not the drug dope for any not native English speakers reading this. I occasionally get emails, WHAT is a HOLY F, I could only find Holy Trinity or Holy Ghost in my dictionary is it an abbreviation of it). I always want to answer "Yes", but I figure that might destroy lives, if they get that wrong. Especially in a church. HOLY F everyone, God loves Holy F. It won't go over well.

After they led us in, they told us to take our clothes off. A little weird, but not the first time I've been asked (hahahaha. At least its for money this time, hahahha). I happened to be beside a Canadian girl, and the two American guys were on the other side, so I was thinking well at least I didn't get stuck with the guys and their dirty manliness.

I always thought she was cute, but whenever I tried a pickup line these were her answers.

Then out came the costumes. Oh boy, we were in for a surprise. I mentioned before that I thought we might be dressing up in suits or jeans, but no it was skin tight brightly coloured costumes.
They told us its Piccaso painting emotions. I looked at them thinking, wow, they look skin tight and I wore boxers, this is gonna be real weird.
And I was right.

One of the costumes was super cool with brown spiky hair. I was thinking Dragon Ball Z. I could pull it off. One of the other male costumes wasn't bad either with a big block head. The 3rd was the worst, it was red and white, and it has a heart balloon to go on the wig hair thing. I thought, that would be sh%tty to get, I hope I don't get it.
I tried to get the cool one and mentioned I wanted it, but they said based on our sizes they already decided.
Guess what. I was assigned the crappiest one.
Holy F!
They said its "love". Please act effeminate (unmanly). At least that part, they chose the right person as I'm a bit of a natural.
With the uncool boxers I wore, probably not going to be able to tell I'm a man anyways.
Face blurred to avoid being blackmailed. Notice the boxers underneath. 

Look at that dope hair, I would have taken it. I could probably throw fireballs if I had it.

When we finally went up on stage infront of 800 people, I realized I made a poor choice.
After the day was over, went to the Izakaya (Tapa bar) and had ate too much.
The next day I had severe diarrhea.

It can always be worse, ALWAYS!

As its Christmas Eve, let me leave you with that image and wish you a Merry Xmas! I probably have should have better things to do then writing this damn blog. 

My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

Other funny stories from this blog 

My blog about everyday life (not Japan related/ and maybe less amusing )

My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)

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