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Saturday, December 22, 2012

Teaching for the Mafia, AH SNAP!

You might think its awesome, and yes it does sound like it.
At the end of the day you may have to cut a finger off or two though. At least that's the impression I got.

If  I could walk around with a sword that'd be cool. Chopping stuff in half. Every little boys fantasy.
I guess I should explain that I think some of my regular students had parents that were mafia aka yakuza or I think at least some underworld connections.
My general consensus was that orange spiky hair and gold chains or for that matter any sort of gold bling equaled mafia. That may or may not be true. I loved the tracksuits with gold omega watches.
I was like dude you look good, but at the same time you don't. You be hurtin'. I didn't say it out loud for fear of losing my tongue.
If you look like this in Japan with that much bling you are definitely mafia.


Anyways back to reality.

Not only were some of my students families yakuza (mafia) or at least I thought, but a friend offered me a job. A good paying job he told me. Hmmm.. What do I have to do? For the right price I might... wait, well actually 100% will do anything. Just depends on the money.
He said teach English to three little kids. Great I thought, sign me up, should be as easy as pie.
That part I was wrong. What else is new. There seems to be a theme repeated in this blog about things I got wrong.
He forgot to tell me the family was linked to the underworld, and this job might be my last. Or at least just a few fingers less. Incase you didn't know, a lot of yakuza (mafia) in Japan have their fingers cut off for each mistake. I was known to make plenty as evidenced again through this blog.
I met the three kids and tried to teach them English games. One girl kept repeating in Japanese "I hate English and I hate you". Good start I thought. She loves me. Don't people insult to show love. One finger down, nine to go.
I said OK let's start with a few fun games. "I hate games she said". Oh, perfect!
I setup the game which she then flipped upside down. My temper was starting to rise like the mercury on a summer's thermostat (I can't think of a better analogy right now). Maybe like the fires of Mordors erupting with the one ring to rule them all melting in it? (Lord of the Rings reference FYI). I have to explain it because older generations don't get it even though LOTR is a book originally and old.
OK so I was a bit mad, like Mordor from Lord of the Rings. It was a fitting mood for this little brat. I hoped she didn't have my fingers removed.

After a dreadful two hours and lots of crying (more on my part than hers perhaps) I drove back to town with her mother. So, things didn't go so well I mentioned. Your daughter is a brat, I don't think this is going to work. She begged me to continue, but I refused. When I got home I spoke to the guy that got me the job. He told me I better be careful. When I asked why, he said those dudes are connected and could take me out. I didn't know what he was implying at that point, did he mean will take me out to McDonald's? One of the children, the non brat one wanted to continue lessons, which I agreed to. They invited me to a family dinner. I spoke in Japanese and asked the father what he did. Well, various things, he said. I wondered if that involved killing people with guns and samurai swords. If yes, could I join them instead of teaching brats English, oh but not your daughter. Even if she was I wouldn't dare risk saying it.
I continued with the lessons until I was ready to leave Japan. When I informed them I would be leaving soon, they informed me very directly I was to find a replacement. I didn't know if I had an option to say No.
I wondered if that's what had happened with the guy that set me up, he was ordered to find me. I started to try to remember if he had all his fingers.
I found a super nice girl to replace me. I told her straight up I wasn't too sure what was with the family or what they did (but might be shady). She told me all she cared about was money.
That's the kind of girl you want. They also dropped her amount by $20 per hour.
Apparently the brat girl came back to the lessons and loved her. I heard she said "I love you teacher" in English every lesson.
WTF.

At least I didn't die I guess, or lose any fingers.

I was a little fearful I might have one finger become a USB drive.



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My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)

Other funny stories from my blog
 http://memoirsgaijin.blogspot.ca/


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http://www.youtube.com/user/judoka4eva 


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